Home - Zak Bagans
by ladyc0bra
Summary: "Sometimes it's the things we hide that bring the best people into our lives. Y'know...the people that come and never leave. The people that make you feel at home the second you see them." *Not your typical GAC/Zak story. No ghost hunting, just real life. Thanks for reading!*
1. Hello Miss Lady (Lily's POV)

My legs hurt. Four hours of solid studying for my upcoming Psychology final and all I could think of afterwards is my legs hurt. I tossed my study guide down on the library carpet and put my head in my hands. I groaned heavily. Studying for college-level finals is never fun, certainly not when you're in your 4th year. It _sucked_, and it'd never get any better from here.

"Okay, okay, relax, clear your mind," I whispered urgently to myself. I picked up my page again and checked the question. "Alright, B.F. Skinner and his theory on—"

"This is boring as fuck!"

I jumped at the loud voice, immediately getting annoyed afterwards. I hated people who couldn't respect the single rule of being quiet in a library. It was common knowledge, so how much of that did one have to be lacking in order to screw it up?

The voice had been male, followed by laughter. It had sounded close to me, which was odd. I was tucked away in a far back corner of the library that was always unpopulated. I liked to have my own space when I was studying because I moved around a lot and talked to myself. And then I started to get anxious. What if they heard me muttering to myself about B.F. Skinner?

I heard footsteps scratching against the carpet somewhere amongst the shelves of books around me. I went completely still and practically held my breath. I didn't want to be discovered. I just wanted whoever was out there to go away so I could continue studying.

I heard the voice again and it was just a few feet away from me, but whoever was speaking was blocked by a bookshelf.

"I can't believe I could be spending some alone time with Nina fuckin' Richardson, and instead I'm here with you at this old library," it scoffed. How rude. I for one liked this library, so I took offense to that.

"I didn't make you come with me," This male voice was much softer. I immediately liked this guy a lot more even though I had no idea who he was.

"You pretty much did, man."

"Okay, whatever. Just keep it down for a second, will you? Someone's going to yell at us."

Like me. Well, I would yell at them if I could force my mouth open to speak. Instead I just rolled my eyes and looked down at my study guide, trying to block them out.

"Oh really? Like who?"

"The librarian…I don't know. There's other people besides us in here, Zak."

Zak. That sounded like a douche bag name. I giggled at my silent comment.

The voices went silent for a moment. For a second I thought they'd both left, so I continued scanning my neat notes on the page. _B.F. Skinner and his theory on—_

"Whoa, you're right, Nick, there are other people here."

My head shot up from my page and my eyes made contact with a blue pair that was slightly shadowed. One of the guys talking was staring at me from behind the bookshelf. I felt an uncomfortable but not totally unpleasant shiver creep down my spine. I was just opening my mouth to tell him to leave me alone when the other boy poked his head about from behind the stacks of books. The first boy stepped to the side so he could keep looking at me.

I felt like a caged animal at the zoo. I'd been studying peacefully for four hours in the fifth floor of the library and now I had two boys staring me down after thoroughly pissing me off. One was slight, with short brown hair and a peppering of facial hair to match. His eyes were curious and warm. The other one was bigger. He had dark hair gelled up in the front, a strong jaw line, mystified eyes and a well-developed chest and arms. He looked like he was made completely out of muscle and it intimidated me a lot. It almost unsettled me more than their matching stares. There was almost something there, underneath all that scary muscle, which nearly grabbed my attention and held it stationed on that boy. But I looked away before I could let that happen.

"Um," I cleared my throat, "can I help you?"

The smaller boy shook his head quickly and smiled apologetically at me. "S-sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt," He jabbed a thumb in Zak's direction. "It's his first time in a public library."

"I can tell," I flashed a smile and let it fade quickly. I was unimpressed.

"Right, well…my apologies," he said. "We'll just go."

The bigger guy seemed to snap out of his trance the instant the other boy—I think they said his name was Nick—tried to pull him away from me.

"Wait, wait! What's your name?" The boy I can only assume to be Zak asked. He spit his words out so fast they kind of blended together but I could pick them apart alright.

"Um, it's Lily," I said awkwardly.

"Hi, I'm Zak," He grinned goofily at me. Who was this kid?

"Cool…" I nodded slowly.

"C'mon, Zak, we're bugging her." Nick pulled on his friend's arm but Zak didn't budge. Poor Nick. I could tell from his face he was embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to leave. I wouldn't even stop him if he tried.

"Well I just wanna talk to her," Zak said, shaking Nick off.

"Well actually I'm trying to—"

"This is Nick," Zak cut me off mid-sentence, pulling Nick into the conversation. Nick smiled bashfully at me.

"Nice to meet you," I mumbled.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, studying,"

He sat down beside me on the floor like I'd invited him to do so. I let out an agitated sigh at his presence but he didn't leave. He just sat there and smiled at me.

"What are you studying for?" he asked.

"Psychology; the mind."

"Oh," His eyes became suggestive. "Maybe you could use me for an experiment."

"Yeah…I don't think so," I shook my head. Although he did kind of look like he'd be entertaining to examine. He seemed to be a little on the weird side. And maybe if I conducted a study around him I'd be able to figure out what made guys become total douche bags.

"Zak, can we just leave her alone, _please_?" Nick urged. I looked up at him and smiled a little bit. At least someone had some common courtesy. But it looked like Zak was the big man on campus and Nick wouldn't use force to get him out of my hair.

"What are you doing tonight, Miss Lady?" Zak asked, nudging me with his shoulder.

"Trying to keep a clear mind for my exam tomorrow," I mumbled, staring hard at my notes. The words just seemed to fall off the page before me. I was too distracted.

"How about you come to a party with me instead?"

I had to look at him in disbelief. After everything I'd told him and the vibe I had to be giving off he was still going to try and get me to go out? What an idiot! I was starting to get extremely agitated.

"I'd really rather not," I snapped. "I have more important things to do than watch a bunch of strangers become incoherent."

"Aw, come on! You seem like you're in need of a little fun." Zak laughed at me.

"I don't have time for fun right now, as you can see." I waved my notes in front of his face. "I'm a little bit busy."

Nick sighed and looked down at the floor. I got the feeling he'd seen this happen one too many times before.

Zak stuck out his bottom lip. It was then that I realized I'd never wanted to hit a man so badly in my life. "Please?" he asked.

"No." I checked my phone and started gathering my things. "If you're done wasting my study time, I need to go pick someone up and make dinner. Thanks for the talk; I can't say it was nice meeting you."

I stood up and so did he. He lightly grabbed my wrist and I spun around to glare sharply at him. Instantly he removed his fingers.

"If you don't show up tonight, I'll track you down and make you come," he said. Something a tad unsettling sparked in his blue eyes. There was something there that said he'd actually do it. I swallowed.

I shook it off and grumbled, "You're a brat. Goodbye."

I all but ran out of the library. I didn't want any more fingers on me or voices in my ear begging me to come out. I didn't know him. I didn't want to know him. All the muscles and the black clothing and the tan skin and stupid faux-hawk fin screamed asshole. Lord knows I didn't need another one of those in my life. For too long now that kind of guy had been my type, and the only good thing I'd gotten out of it was Avaya. But even that sort of ended in a disaster. Regardless, I wasn't stupid. I was not sinking back down to that level, not again.

"Mommy, in kindergarten today, we learned about numbers! I can count all the way to twenty!"

I smiled at Avaya, who was lying in her bed with the blankets pulled up to her chest. I was just cleaning up her room a little before she went to bed. She had the book I'd been reading her in one hand and the other up in the air for effect as she spoke. Her little brown eyes were wide and she had a grin on her small face. My heart melted for her. My baby.

"Can you?" I asked. "Count to twenty for me."

"Okay, okay," She braced herself. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, el-el-eleven…um…oh no…"

I chuckled. "Having troubles?"

"Yeah," She looked up at me and sighed in defeat. "I can't count to twenty anymore."

"Aw sweetheart, you can count to twenty. It's just late and your brain is tired. It's time to get some sleep, okay?" I took the book out of her hand and placed it on her nightstand. I leaned down and hugged her, relishing in the feeling of her tiny arms embracing my shoulders. I kissed her forehead and smiled at her.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, cutie. Sweet dreams."

She nodded and grabbed Furry the teddy bear. I switched on her nightlight and turned the lamp off, shutting the door quietly behind me. I walked out to the living room of my apartment and collapsed in the leather recliner with a big sigh. It'd been a stressful day to say the least. Not only have I been studying for final exams, but Avaya had been with her dad from the time she was finished kindergarten until I picked her up. That never failed to make me want to pull my hair out.

My story is pretty typical, actually. When I was 19 I got pregnant. My boyfriend at the time, Matt, said he'd help me. He'd actually seemed excited for the baby to come. I found that as a shock, coming from a 6'2 muscular guy. But I believed him because I'm an idiot. When Avaya was born I was just about to turn 20. I'd wanted to go to school to get my PhD in Psychology but obviously that had to be put off. Matt was only present for three months of Avaya's life before he left me and her behind. Avaya was now five years old and only last year Matt had got in contact with me, wanting to see her. We worked out a compromise because neither of us wanted to go to court. He got to pick her up from kindergarten and spend the day with her on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I should be pleased with that, because it gave me time to work and get school stuff done, but as a single mother it still worried me. I wasn't even sure what I thought Matt would do. He loved Avaya, but I still felt that betrayal when he'd left us every time I saw him. It was just very hard for me to trust him, or anyone for that matter. So I guess it would make sense that that's maybe the main reason I got so upset when that Zak kid asked me to party. I didn't know who he was; what if he drugged me? And if I partied with him once, he might want to continue hanging out with me. Not only did I not need him to know about Avaya, but I didn't need another douche bag in my life for just long enough to screw it up completely.

I yawned and turned the TV on to some doctor drama and made my way into the kitchen to prepare a bowl of Cheerios. I had cereal every night before bed. A lot of people thought I was weird for doing that and I can see why. Cereal is a breakfast food, right? Why the hell would I eat it at night? My answer to that is simple: because I do what I want.

I was just putting my first spoonful in my mouth when there was a knock on my apartment door. I nearly choked on my cereal. Who the hell would be at my door at this time? No one ever visited me, at least not without telling me about it first. A bit of fear spiked my heartbeat. I set my cereal on the kitchen table and rushed to the door before they could knock again in case they woke Avaya. I opened the door a crack and looked out past the lock chain. I recognized the gelled hair and crooked smile instantly.

Zak chuckled and winked at me through the crack in the door. "Hello, Miss Lady. Can I come in?"


	2. It's A Front (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V

My breath caught in my throat and I panicked. How was this even happening right now? Where did this kid come from? I realized I'd been staring in shock for several minutes and decided I had better speak up.

"How the hell did you find my house?" I snapped through the partially open door.

"Rumour has it you're friendly with the young librarian…what's her name?" He scratched his stiff hair.

"Georgia," I groaned. Of course it was Georgia.

"Yeah, her. She was, uh, more than happy to tell me where you lived, y'know, so I could return your hat to you." He smiled like he was completely proud of himself.

"Hat?" I asked. "I don't wear hats."

"Oh, well, I guess she didn't know that." Zak shrugged and tapped on the door again. "Are you going to let me in? I don't like this." He frowned.

"Why should I? You're practically stalking me at this point." I grumbled.

"Let me ask you a question. Are you going to come party with me?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Absolutely not,"

"Then you have no choice. Invite me in or I'll sit out here knocking all night and I don't care who I wake up."

I bit my lip. I really didn't want him in my house. Hell, I didn't even know what he really wanted! But I knew now that when he threatened to do something, chances are he was completely serious about it. I didn't need him waking up Avaya because he's obnoxious. Maybe if he came inside and saw pictures of a little girl all over he'd get cold feet and leave. I'd had it happen before.

I sighed heavily, letting him know I was not happy. "Just a second," I shut the door so I could unlock it. I quickly checked my face in the mirror before I opened it again. I brushed my brown bangs behind my ear and straightened my black glasses on my nose. My exhaustion was showing through on my face pretty clearly. Regardless, I opened the door and let him inside.

He looked around the dark kitchen and nodded in consent. I rolled my eyes behind him.

"Nice place you got here," he said, strolling into the living room.

"Yeah, thanks." I followed him at a distance.

"So," He took a seat on the couch and patted the spot next to him, "come talk."

I sat as far away from him as I could manage on the love seat. He had one arm resting on the back of the couch and I could've sworn he was playing with a couple strands of my hair.

"Lily is there any way I can get you to change your mind about tonight?" he asked.

"Well you've ruined my study time and bombarded me at my own home, so I'm not really feeling up to spending more time with you. Definitely not around alcohol and lord knows what else…" I shuddered.

Zak laughed. "Fine, I'll stay here with you then."

I blanched and stared in utter shock. "Y-you'll what now?" I asked through frozen lips.

"I said I'll stay here. Why? Do you mind?" He smirked. Something told me he enjoyed getting a rise out of me.

"Um, yeah, a bit," I retorted. "I don't even know who you are!"

"Then let me tell you. I'm Zak Bagans. I've lived in Vegas for a few years now and I'm currently in a film school just a few blocks from your college. I have two close buds, Aaron and Nick. You met Nick today. I'm an Aries, I love music, reading, candle lit group baths, and swimming naked. That about sums it up." He nodded.

"Okay…but it doesn't answer my main question. Why the fuck are you in my house?" I barked.

"Well because you invited me inside," He gave me a confused look.

"Only after you threatened to keep knocking,"

"Yeah, and it worked, huh?"

I was silent for a moment. He just grinned victoriously. Again I found myself wanting to wipe that smile off his face. What an inconvenient son of a bitch.

"Now tell me about you, Miss Lady," Zak said, gesturing at me.

"I don't really want to," I shook my head.

"Oh come on. That's not very fair."

"This is my house. I don't need to be fair."

"Alright, alright. But at least answer me this: are you single?"

I had to laugh. How ridiculous could one person be?

"Why? Who's asking exactly?"

"Well Nick has a girlfriend and Aaron doesn't know you, so I can't be asking for them. I guess that means I'm asking. So, are you?" He watched me patiently.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. But that doesn't mean I want to date."

"Why not? A girl like you, you could have any guy you wanted I bet."

"Just…bad experiences," I rubbed my arms.

"Ah, I know what you mean." He nodded solemnly.

I had to laugh out loud. "No," I said, "I'm pretty sure you have no idea."

He looked at me and his brow crinkled. "Why not?"

I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. "Just…because," I murmured. I was getting that familiar feeling of anxiety again. New people brought new pain. I wrapped my arms tightly around my midsection and yawned.

He chuckled softly. "Am I keeping you from something?"

"Yeah, sleep," I muttered.

He looked at the clock and scoffed, "It's barely 9:30, how are you tired?"

"I-I do a lot in a day," I stammered.

"Yeah? Like what? What did you do today?"

God, what was with the waterfall of questions? He didn't actually think I wanted him to know me, did he?

"I went to my lectures, I went to work—"

"Where do you work?"

"A record company,"

"An executive chick…hot," He grinned smugly. "What else did you do?"

"I tried to study but it didn't go over so well. Of course, you already know about that." I glared at him.

"Right. Good luck on that test, by the way." He laughed.

"Yeah I'm going to need it thanks to you." I got up from the couch. "Excuse me."

I went into the kitchen and grabbed my cereal. I was hungry. I didn't care who was sitting in my living room, I was going to eat. When I walked back in with my Cheerios Zak tilted his head to the side.

"Are you eating Cheerios at night?" he asked curiously.

"Yep," I answered around a mouthful. Maybe he'd think I was too quirky and leave. I could do a ton of weird stuff if it meant he'd walk away.

"Huh…" _Here comes the goodbye. _"Can I have some?"

The spoon froze in the air halfway to my mouth. I stared in confusion at him. Never in my life had I met someone who didn't make fun of me for eating breakfast food at night. It was a pretty big shock to me.

"Uh…"

"Mommy I can't sleep," The tiny voice came from behind me and I spun around to see Avaya standing in the hallway with Furry under one arm while she rubbed at her eyes. She blinked and found Zak sitting on the couch. "Who's that guy?"

I looked at Zak, who appeared just as confused as Avaya. "Who's _that_?" he asked, pointing at her.

If I'd been trying to get with Zak, I probably would've been panicking. But I wasn't, so I found myself smirking instead. I set my cereal down on the coffee table and walked over to Avaya.

"Nightmares again?" I asked. She nodded. "Alright, do you want me to make you warm milk?"

"Yeah, with cocoa and cinnamon," Avaya grinned.

I chuckled and took her tiny hand. "Alright, let's go." I stabbed a finger at Zak. "You. Stay where you are."

He nodded very slowly, still trying to process everything. "Okay…"

I started to lead Avaya into the kitchen and she tugged on my hand, asking, "Who is he and why's he here past my bedtime?"

"I wish I knew, sweetie," I muttered.

I warmed up some milk for Avaya and she pushed a chair over to the counter so she could help me add the cocoa and cinnamon. She loved to help me make things. It made me smile, seeing how excited she got. When it was all finished and she'd drank the whole glass I wiped her mouth and smiled at her.

"Are you sleepy now?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, no more nightmares I think,"

"Good. C'mon, let's go to bed." She hopped down from the chair and tugged on my shirt before we could leave the kitchen.

"What's his name?" she asked, pointing towards the living room.

"Um, Zak is his name," I answered quietly.

"Okay," She pulled me out of the kitchen, leading me down the hallway so I could tuck her in. While we were in the living room she turned around and waved at Zak, who was still seated on the couch. "Goodnight, Zak!"

Stunned, he waved back. "Um, night,"

I laughed at my silly girl. I quickly tucked her in and kissed her goodnight for the second time. I knew Zak was probably sitting there terrified and confused, wanting nothing more than to leave. With that thought in mind I strolled back out towards the living room and stood in front of the coffee table with my arms crossed.

"Who was that?" He asked quietly. I could see it on his face that he already knew.

"That's my 5 year old daughter, Avaya," I said firmly. "So if you were hoping I'd invite you to stay the night, you can forget it, and that's why. She's my whole life. If you say one bad thing about her I will castrate you."

Zak swallowed and stood up to look me in the eye. "I would never say anything negative about that," There was something new in his voice. It was softer; more emotional.

"Oh. Well…good." My shoulders slackened a little bit.

"I think that's really awesome how you're balancing work, school, and raising a kid at the same time. I'm not a kids guy, but I commend you for it." He put his hands in the pockets of his baggy black jeans and looked down at the carpet.

"T-thanks," I stammered. I wasn't sure if I should be bashful that he was being so nice to me, or if I should be critical of everything he was saying to me. Normally I'd tell anyone to quit sucking up to me, but there was something about the way he was speaking and not making eye contact with me that kept me from lashing out.

"I'm sorry for how I've acted," he sighed. "I had no idea."

"You were a bit of an asshole," I critiqued.

He laughed sadly. "Yeah…it's kind of a front I put up. I'm sorry. It's just easier for me to be like that."

"Why? No one likes a jerk, Zak."

"I know, I know. I just—well it's hard to explain. Maybe I'll tell you another time."

"Wait, wait, 'another time?' As in, you're still planning on talking to me after this?" My green eyes widened in disbelief.

"Well…yeah, I'm not actually an asshole, you know." He smirked.

"Oh. Oh, okay." I felt like all my fire had been put out. I had no more sharp retorts for him. I had nothing. He'd completely taken me by surprise.

"I'll let you get some sleep, I'm sorry," He scratched his head again. "Is it okay if I come back tomorrow?"

"Uh…I have my exam at 9 and I'm working until 5." What was I doing? I wasn't contemplating letting him come back, was I?

"That's okay; I'm not done work until 6:30. Can I come then?"

I sighed. "Um, maybe, I guess…but I need to ask you a question, Zak."

"Sure, fire away."

"Why me? I mean, you could go to that party and get with other girls who aren't moms. So…why are you here?"

He was quiet for a little bit. His face was a closed book. He just looked really tired all of a sudden.

"I guess I feel better here than I would at some party," he mumbled. "I don't know, I'll explain it better another time, maybe."

I could tell then that this guy had more secrets than I did. Something about him was terribly broken and I don't think he'd ever gotten around to fixing it. I wondered what it could be. How bad did it have to be that he'd try to hide it behind dark clothes, muscles, tattoos, and a shitty attitude? I was curious about him. I'd sworn I wouldn't be, but I was. I promised myself I wouldn't put myself in this position again, not with another guy like Matt. But I don't think I really was breaking my promise, because Zak was nothing like Matt, or any of the guys before him. He looked the part, but in reality he was completely different. God, what was I saying?

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lily?" he smiled softly at me.

"Well since my scare tactics didn't work on you, I guess so." I ran a hand through my hair.

He laughed, said goodnight, apologized again and shut the door behind him. I locked it and slid down to the floor. I just couldn't stop wondering what the hell I was getting into.


	3. Truth Time (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V

"Mommy, why do you keep looking in the mirror?"

Avaya's small voice spoke up from the kitchen table, where she was devouring the chicken and cheese quesadilla I'd made per her request. I kept catching myself in the mirror by the door and wiping away a stray mascara particle or pushing my hair to the side one more time. I felt stupid doing it because I wasn't 100% certain why I was doing it, but I felt even more stupid when my 5 year old daughter made a comment on it.

"Uh," I stammered, "I'm having a friend come over soon."

Friend? He wasn't so much a friend as an acquaintance. But Avaya didn't comprehend that just yet. To her, everyone was a friend, even if the only word shared between two people was "hello."

"Oh. Is it Zak?" she asked around a bite of food.

"Yeah, yeah, it's Zak," I sighed. I sat down at the table beside her and rested my cheek on my hand. "Is that okay that mommy has a friend coming over?"

Avaya nodded quickly. "Yes. You never have friends over, except for daddy, and he only comes to pick me up and bring me back."

"I know," I muttered. For a 5 year old she knew how to give real talk. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay with it."

"I want you to smile more, mommy," she said quietly. "You only smile at me. I want you to smile all the time."

I stared pensively at her as my heart swelled painfully in my chest. Had I been that unhappy that Avaya took so much notice? Even I hadn't noticed all of that…

"Is Zak funny?" she asked a little while later.

I blinked out of my minor trance. "Um, I think he's the only one who believes he's funny. Why?"

"Because I want him to make you laugh," She finished off her juice and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

I smiled and took her dirty dishes from her. "Well I'm definitely capable of laughing _at_ him," I said, setting her dishes in the sink.

"Okay," And with that she bounced off to continue playing in her room.

I wasn't sure how I wanted to feel about that. Avaya liked Zak, but what exactly was she getting at with all the smile and laughing mumbo-jumbo? Was I supposed to assume she wanted Zak around more? She'd only met him for a minute, and I'd only known him for a day. But there was no denying the feeling I got around him. It wasn't a lust feeling, or even the feeling you get around a crush. It was almost like comfort and sympathy. Something had happened to him along the line, and although I didn't know what that something was, I still felt bad for him. And here I thought I wanted to smack him just yesterday.

My thoughts were too loud and I started doing the dishes out of habit but I wasn't really paying attention. I was thinking about Avaya and Zak and my future. Would Zak last as a "friend?" And what the hell was it about him?

Suddenly a glass slipped from my hands into the side of the sink that didn't have water in it and a chunk of it broke off. I cursed and moved to pick it up but ended up cutting my thumb on the now sharp glass.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, instantly putting my thumb to my lips to try and staunch the flow of blood. I sucked some of it out, wincing at the metallic taste, and I was about to wrap it in paper towel when there was a knock on my door. I had to roll my eyes. Of course he'd show up _now_, when I was clumsy and bleeding. What a great impression.

I pulled open the door with my thumb still partially in my mouth. "Hey," I muttered.

Zak stepped inside and looked at me with concern. I noticed he had black-rimmed glasses on, much like mine. His hair was still gelled up and he wore all black, just like before. He seemed to have a thing for tight shirts and baggy pants. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I just cut my thumb on a glass, it's fine," I turned away to go get some paper towel but he grabbed my elbow and spun me back around.

"Hold on, let me see," He pulled my thumb from my mouth and inspected the small cut for a second. "Do you have Band-Aids?"

Oh great. Now I really felt like a child. "Yeah, in the bathroom cupboard, second door on your right down the hallway." I could've easily gone to get one myself, but Zak had already taken off before I'd finished giving him directions.

I heard him rummaging around in the cupboard and I sighed, leaning against the table. This was so embarrassing. I was supposed to be playing the hard, cold role here, not the vulnerable little girl who cuts herself on broken glass. And Zak was definitely not supposed to be my knight in black armour, rushing to grab me a Band-Aid.

He reappeared in the kitchen a few minutes later and peeled the paper off the back of the Band-Aid, carefully wrapping it around the top of my thumb. I couldn't help but notice the smirk on his face as he applied the sticky thing to my wound.

"What are you grinning at?" I asked, unable to hold back my own smile. "I dare you to go cut your thumb on broken glass."

"No, because I'm not dumb enough to grab the broken part," He chuckled.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes.

"Got any other wounds that need bandaging? Maybe like that cold black thing inside of you? I think it was once your heart." His smirk grew bigger and he folded his defined arms across his chest.

"You're an ass," I grumbled.

"I thought we already established that."

"Not really, Mr. Secretive."

"Right, 'bout that—"

"Zak!" With all the excitement over my wound neither Zak nor I had noticed Avaya sneak out of her room. Zak spun around to look at her, completely startled by her appearance.

"Um, hey there," he stammered. "How are you today?"

"Good," Avaya brushed her long brown hair behind her ears. I always saw myself in her when she did that. "Will you play with me?"

Zak looked conflicted. He turned around to glance at me as if he was asking for permission. I just shrugged but Zak still looked like he didn't know what to say. I figured I wouldn't put him to the kid test yet.

"No, Avaya, mommy and Zak need to have adult talk. You can play in the living room while we talk if you want."

"Okay!" She looked entirely pleased with this proposition and rushed off to her room to grab her toys.

I shook my head with a smile and led Zak into the living room. "You looked a little freaked out," I commented.

"Oh, yeah…no, I'm just not very experienced with kids." Zak laughed awkwardly.

"Neither was I until I got pregnant," I mumbled.

We sat down on the couch together and remained silent until Avaya came out with an arrangement of dolls and stuffed animals. She set them up around her, rested on her belly, and started to play. I caught Zak smiling at her out of the corner of my eye and I couldn't help but smile too. That was why I liked muscular guys. It wasn't because they seemed so tough or all the other generic crap, it was because a lot of them were the biggest sweethearts I'd ever met. It was that moment when I caught the tough guys being impossibly adorable that attracted me to them.

"So," I finally said, breaking the silence and directing his attention to me. "What's your story, Zak Bagans?"

"Truth time, right," He looked incredibly uneasy. He kept rubbing his palms against his thighs and rocking back and forth as he sat. I felt a little bad, but not really. If he wanted to stick around like he seemed to, he was going to have to jump some hurdles.

He sucked a breath in through his teeth and began to talk. "I had a really rough childhood. My dad passed away when I was 15 and my mom was heartbroken. It was just me, my sister and her for awhile. After I graduated high school I stayed with my mom for awhile, until I was 20, and then I moved out here to Vegas from Michigan. It was really hard leaving her and it's hard being away from her now. I guess in a nutshell that's why I feel okay here with you, and why I'm okay with the fact that you have a daughter."

I nodded. That sounded awful. I couldn't imagine losing one of my parents at that age. I'd be ruined for the remainder of my life.

"Okay, now what's with the douche bag front?" I raised an eyebrow.

"That was a result of middle school," he chuckled, playing with the chunky silver rings on his fingers.

"Mommy can you do my hair?" Avaya had gotten bored with her toys and was standing in front of me with a brush and small rubber hair bands. I nodded and got her to sit facing outwards in my lap and slowly started brushing her hair.

Zak's eyes were trained on my hands and I urged him to continue talking.

"Um, well I got bullied throughout middle school," he murmured. "I was really lanky and I had these thick glasses that just dominated my face. Y'know, they say high school is the worst but for me it was middle school. Everyone was just pricks, and I couldn't shake them. I let their taunts go to my head and throughout high school I consumed protein and energy bars and worked out everyday. All the guys who were dating the cheerleaders acted a certain way in public and I figured that must be how the system works, so I went along with it. And you know what? It did work for the most part."

"Every girl has to date an asshole. I'm pretty sure it's customary," I clicked my tongue as I started to French braid Avaya's hair.

"Yeah but I'm not really an asshole, and that's the worst part," Zak sighed. "I landed a bunch of bombshells, but they were really messed up. They weren't what I wanted. I didn't want some busty blonde showgirl. Well, I mean, it was nice dating them but they're not the kinds of girls I can last long-term with. It just didn't feel right; none of my relationships did. I knew it was because I was lying to myself and to everyone around me but it didn't stop me. I use this attitude as a crutch. I feel like without it I'm not much of anything. There's very few people I can actually be my genuine self around and the moment I saw you I just felt that comfort surround me and I knew."

I chewed on my lip as he spoke. His story made sense. Everyone had something they leaned on. I just felt bad that he thought he needed to be a complete prick to everyone he met.

"So if you knew, why were you such a scumbag?" I asked.

He smirked, once again watching me do my daughter's hair. "I was nervous," he answered.

I laughed out loud, causing Avaya to turn around and shoot me one of her many sassy looks.

"Sorry, baby, sorry," I chuckled and continued to finish her hair. "You were nervous so you decided to be a total creep? How often has that even worked for you?"

He laughed softly. "I don't know; I've never been nervous like that before."

"Sure you haven't,"

"I swear!"

"Whatever," I smirked. "You're a weird dude, Bagans."

"Yeah, and you have weird hair!" Avaya piped up, turning her head to look at him.

"Avaya!" I couldn't help but laugh, as hard as I tried not to.

Zak even laughed, looking at her with an astonished grin. "Oh really? What if I think you have weird hair?"

"But I don't," Avaya said firmly. "My mommy does my hair and she's really good at it. Your hair is all spiky and tall."

Zak smirked. "Your mom did a fantastic job on your hair. You look very pretty."

"Thank you," Avaya stood up from the ground and stood in front of Zak. "Can I touch it? Is it soft?"

"Well I don't know, it might poke you," Zak warned. "It's like a cactus. Be careful."

Timidly, Avaya reached out and touched Zak's hair with the very tips of her fingers. She yanked her hand back to her chest and giggled.

"It's crinkly!" she laughed. "You have crinkly hair!"

"Isn't that silly, Av?" I asked, leaning in to fake whisper, "He uses more hair product than mommy does."

Zak feigned a hurt expression. "That one got me," he said. "Words can hurt, y'know."

"Oh poor baby!" I chuckled.

Avaya scrambled back over to him and wrapped her arms as far as she could get them around his chest. He looked a little stunned but eventually gave her a quick hug back. It was another one of those tough-guy-turned-adorable moments for me. Plus it was entertaining watching my 5 year old completely melt Zak right before my eyes.

When she stopped hugging him she went back to her toys without another sound. Zak watched her with this smile on his face. I could tell then she'd won him over. Did that mean he wasn't going to leave any time soon?

"Alright, I'll admit, that was pretty gosh darn cute," Zak muttered, picking at his knee.

"She's pretty adorable," I agreed. "Be warned, she likes to use it to her advantage."

"Oh I'm with her on that one," he said. "I've used these dashing good looks to get me so much stuff." He flashed a cheesy grin and wink.

"Now, now. I didn't ask for Douche Bagans to make another appearance," I said. He laughed at my joke and I stood up. "Do you want some cereal?"

He checked the time and grinned. "It's nearly 8 at night," he noted. "I'd love to have some cereal with you."

He stood up and I led him to the kitchen with a smile on my face; the kind that hadn't been there since Matt and I were still on good terms. I remembered back to what Avaya had said earlier that day. _I want you to smile more, mommy._ I realized that I felt the same way. I never thought I'd be able to smile anymore after all I'd gone through, but here I was proving myself wrong. Normally I loathe being wrong, but this was one instance where I was perfectly okay with it.


	4. She Could Be My Home (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V.

I unlocked the door to the small house I was renting with Nick and Aaron. I hadn't seen them since yesterday morning before we'd all left for work. I knew they were going to have some questions for me and I wanted to get them out of the way as soon as I could.

They were both seated on the couch eating microwavable dinners and watching Jerry Springer. I kicked off my shoes and scratched the back of my neck. I was eager to get in the shower since I'd been working since 8 AM and it was now 7 PM. But when they both spun around to look at me I knew I had no hope of escaping just yet.

"Where the hell have you been?" Nick asked. He set down his food so he could interrogate me.

I smiled as innocently as I could. "Places," I said.

"What places?" Aaron chimed in. "You said you had somewhere to be last night and we haven't seen you until now. So where were you?"

"I was home last night but you were both passed out," I shrugged. "I left for work and you were still asleep; that's where I've been all day today."

"Alright, but where were you last night? That's two nights you've disappeared for several hours," Nick said, narrowing his gaze.

"Yeah, that's true!" Aaron exclaimed. "It must be some place weird, because at that party the other night you were completely out of it. You wouldn't even respond to Nina Richardson's advances for cryin' out loud! And she totally wanted you!"

I rubbed my neck again and shifted from foot-to-foot in the doorway of the living room. "I just wasn't in the partying mood when the time came, that's all."

"Yeah right, I'm calling bullshit—"

Suddenly Nick gasped, cutting Aaron off and making me jump. "I know where you were!" he shouted excitedly.

"Oh yeah?" Don't sweat. I can't start sweating.

"You were with that girl from the library! You were trying to get her to come to the party, like you'd said you would, and obviously she didn't want to, which is why you were so quiet that night!" He had this shit-eating grin on his face.

I started to panic, which is never a good thing. I smiled and I had to look away. "Ha, n-no," I muttered.

"Oh shit!" Aaron jumped off the couch and high-fived Nick. "You've been caught, Bagans! You've been with a girly-friend!"

"Okay, okay, knock it off you idiots," I said firmly. "And she's not my girlfriend, Aaron. We've just been hanging out and I swear on my own life that's the truth."

"Oh, he _swears_," Aaron gasped. "This is just too good."

"Shut up. That's enough," I rolled my eyes. I started to depart the living room for the bathroom when they stopped me.

"Where are you headed, Bagans? We're not done questioning you yet!" Nick grasped my arm and pulled me back into the living room, sitting me down on the recliner.

"What's her name? What are your plans with her? Does her dad like you?" Aaron lifted an eyebrow, stepping closer to me.

"Yeah, yeah," Nick piped up. "Is she a straight A student? Does she smoke the drugs and drink the alcohol?"

I had to laugh, but at the same time I kind of wanted to punch them both in the face.

"Her name is Lily, right now my only plans are to be friends with her, I've never met her father, she's a lot smarter than both of you dumbassses, and I'm pretty confident she doesn't do either of those things regularly," I sighed. "Can I go shower now?"

"He's avoiding any further questions!" Aaron accused. "I think that means he likes her and it's making him embarrassed to talk about her."

"I think you may just be on to something there, Aaron," Nick looked at me sceptically. "Is there any truth to that accusation, Bagans?"

I looked down at my lap with a heavy groan. "This is such a waste of my time," I snapped.

What could I really tell them about Lily? Everything she'd told me so far had been her own secrets. She'd told me about her ex, about Avaya, and about her trust issues. It was because of those trust issues that I wasn't about to just tell these two nimrods all about her. It wasn't my place and it never would be. And I did like Lily; I liked her a lot, but I didn't really know why. Usually if I liked a girl it was mostly just physical attraction, but with Lily not only was there the physical aspect, but there was something so much deeper than that. She wasn't just a face and body to me. She was this incredible, intellectual woman who'd become a mother at the very peak of her life. She had so much responsibility but she still found time for everything. And Avaya…she loved Avaya. I'll admit the little girl was growing on me, too. Lily was absolutely astounding. I loved talking to her. Every time I was around her I felt so comfortable; like I was safe with her. I never got that kind of feeling around anyone else besides my own mother. That feeling is what drew me to her and the rest just fell into place.

"He definitely likes her," Nick concluded, nodding at Aaron.

"How cute," Aaron squealed. "Just think, Nick, soon we may be hearing the pitter-patter of tiny Bagans feet!"

I looked up and shot them both a look. They shuddered at the thought and turned away from me, back to their shitty television program and their gross food. I pushed out of the chair and hid away in the bathroom. I started to strip down after I turned the shower on because it took a long time to heat up. When I stepped under the uneven stream of water, instead of immediately starting to wash my hair, I just stood there for a little while. I stood there and I thought.

I thought about Lily and I thought about Avaya and I thought about my own disrupted little family back home in Michigan. Out here in Vegas I was all alone. Nick and Aaron were my only family out here. This house wasn't a home to me, though. I hated this house, actually. It was a crappy little thing, typical for three 25 year old men attending college and working dirty part-time jobs. I felt incredibly alone for someone who managed to have a lot of friends. I guess I didn't really know how I got so many friends, and that made me feel alone. I'd been so caught up in my little act that I'd stopped functioning as me. Everything was kind of a blur; days passed by in a haze and I'd lie awake at night and wonder how I got there. Nick and Aaron are the only ones who saw the real me when I remembered I existed, so they stuck around. I appreciated them a lot more than they thought, I'm sure. I tended to be bossy and rude to them, but I couldn't help it. That was my shield.

Then Lily drifted into my head. She was just like me, I think. She was scared to open up after what had happened with Matt. I couldn't blame her. But it'd taken a lot for her to tell me that story. It was after midnight and Avaya was fast asleep in Lily's lap. She kept looking down at her and brushing her hair with her fingers and I could see in her eyes just how much her daughter meant to her. And in that moment I felt extremely connected to her. The way she was looking at Avaya reminded me of how I'd catch my mom looking at me sometimes, like I was her whole world. And while I watched Lily and listened to her talk so quietly, I felt this strange pull. Like I wanted to be a part of her world with her and Avaya. I wanted them to be my family. I wanted them to be my home. I know that sounds weird, calling a person your home. But the world is strange like that and sometimes we can't help what we feel. But I felt like Lily could be my home. I know I'd only just met her, so it was dumb that I was thinking this way, but I couldn't deny it.

It's like this: sometimes it's the things we hide that bring the best people into our lives. If I hadn't confessed to hiding who I really was to Lily I'd probably never see her again. They're not easy to find, but when you do find those people that you can be completely yourself around, you don't want to let them go. They're the kind of people that you just _can't_ let go. Y'know…the people that come and never leave. They're the people that make you feel at home the second you see them. So maybe it was really fucking stupid of me, seeing as I just met her a couple days ago, but I couldn't help it. I wanted Lily to be my home, and I wanted her and Avaya to be my family.

I blinked the water out of my eyes that was dripping down from my now flattened hair. I pushed it back out of my face and grabbed my shampoo bottle. I started to get myself clean because I realized I'd been just standing there for an awfully long time and I looked like a total idiot.


	5. Meeting Matt (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V.

"You're more blind than I am, and I'm pretty blind!"

"Oh hush. At least my glasses are fashionable."

I chuckled and handed Lily's 'fashionable' glasses back to her in exchange for mine. It was another day spent with her and honestly, I was loving it. We were passed being hostile and shy towards one another. We'd progressed into a simple friendship. I wanted so much more with her, but it was going to take time for us to get there. She'd been through a lot of shit, and she still made me nervous, so we still had a lot to sift through. I was willing to wait, though.

Lily fixed her glasses on the bridge of her nose and pushed her bangs behind her ear again. She did that a lot. She also sassed me a lot. But I didn't mind one bit.

She kept fidgeting and pacing the small living room. She was a little nervous because Avaya was with her dad and that seemed to put a lot of stress on Lily. I guess I can see why. The scumbag leaves her 3 months after she's had his baby and then suddenly wants everything to do with the child once all the difficult shit is out of the way. I can't blame her for not liking it when he had their daughter.

"Lily, it's gonna be okay," I murmured as she started pacing again. "Nothing's happened yet, and you've been trading off for awhile, haven't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, we have," she sighed. "I just…it's really hard, that's all. I keep thinking something might be going wrong or maybe Avaya wants to come home now or, or…"

"It's fine, Lily, everything's fine. It's almost time to go pick her up anyways." I tried my best to console her; I hope I was doing a good job.

"Right, yeah, you're right." She paused for a minute and looked at me. "Do you want to come get her with me?"

I paused and stared at her like I didn't hear her right the first time. I wasn't sure I did. Avaya was Lily's whole world. I kind of felt like she was inviting me to take part in that world. Asking me to come pick up her daughter with her really shouldn't mean as much as it does, but it felt like I pretty big moment to me.

"Zak?" she asked again when I hadn't answered.

"Y-yeah, of course I'll come with you," I stood up from the couch and stuck my hands in my pants pockets.

She was organizing books and magazines that she kept in a wicker basket by the chair even though they were already in order. I didn't like to see her stressing out so much. I walked over to her and lightly touched her lower back. She froze instantly, her body going rigid at my touch. I pulled my hand away and looked down at the floor. I needed to keep reminding myself not to push it.

"Sorry," I whispered clumsily. Fuck, why'd I have to touch her?

"That's okay," she muttered back, setting the magazines and books down. "I just…I have problems."

"We all do." I half laughed. We'd established that we were both pretty messed up in our own ways.

She started to fidget with her hair some more. I wanted to hold her because it was the only way I really knew how to comfort someone, but she didn't like it when I touched her. So I kind of just stood there and watched her anxiety rise, and I felt really fucking useless.

"Are you sure you want to come?" she sighed. "Matt can be really confrontational…I don't want you getting involved in this stuff when you don't need to be."

I stood my ground. "I'm coming with you, Lily. I don't care what he says to me if he says anything at all. You want me there, so I'll be there."

She smiled softly at me. It was genuine. "Thank you, Zak."

"No problem," I fidgeted with my watch. "Should we get going?"

"Yeah, yeah let's go," She immediately rushed to grab her car keys, purse and jacket.

I followed her down to her apartment's garage and we clambered into a silver SUV that was surprisingly clean inside and out. The sun hurt my eyes as we crawled out of the garage and departed onto the streets so I put my sunglasses on for protection. Lily kept tapping her fingers on the wheel at every stoplight and once again I resisted the urge to put my hand on her knee. It all really got me wondering. What had this Matt guy really done to her to get this reaction out of her? Leaving her with a 3 month old baby surely would make her more angry than anxious. But I could feel the tension radiating off of her as I sat in the passenger seat. A hot flame of anger licked up my spine but I shook my head. Meeting this guy with bad intentions probably wouldn't turn out well for anyone.

She pulled into the driveway of a modest white house with a one car garage. I unclipped my seatbelt but turned to look at her, as she was showing no signs of leaving the vehicle yet.

"Are we going inside?" I asked.

"No, I'm calling him. He brings her out to me. I don't like going inside that house." She said quietly, holding her phone up to her ear.

I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to demand to know what he did to her. Clearly it was far worse than she was letting on and I didn't like it at all. But I didn't think we were at a stable place in the relationship for that to happen just yet.

"I'm here," she said crisply into her phone. There was no hello. Her voice was ice cold and nearly a whisper.

She set her phone in her car's console and tapped her knee continuously, staring at the door to the house. I watched her as she watched the house. I didn't like the situation already. Lily was a mess, unravelling right before my eyes.

Finally the screen door flew open and she opened her car door. I followed suit but walked right beside her instead of in front of or behind her. I wanted to be right there in case anything happened.

A burly guy came out of the house with Avaya looking incredibly tiny in his arms. He had short, spiky blonde hair and sharp blue eyes. When he saw me he stared me down and although he couldn't see my eyes for my sunglasses, I stared right back at him.

Avaya wriggled in his grasp and he set her down. She ran into Lily's arms, throwing her arms around her mother.

"Mommy!" she said happily.

"Hey, baby," Lily said, hugging her daughter tightly.

To my surprise and apparently to Matt's dislike, Avaya squealed my name and ran over to hug me. I had to bend down to return the favour.

"Hey, sweetheart," I said. She clung to my leg after I stood up and I kept one protective hand on her head. I never thought I'd get so defensive over a child that wasn't even mine.

"Everything went okay?" Lily asked in that same cold tone.

"Fine," Matt muttered. He nodded his head in my direction. "Who's that?"

Lily visibly blushed and looked down. "This is Zak, my friend. I met him a couple days ago at the library."

"Just met a couple days ago," Matt muttered, "cute."

Since he was making no moves to really greet me, I decided to bite my tongue and take the high road. I extended my hand to him.

"Nice to meet you," I lied.

"Mm." He grasped my hand tightly and gave it one hard jerk that would've ripped my arm from its socket if I hadn't been prepared for it. He wasn't going to be playing any games with me.

"We should get going," Lily said quietly. She could sense the tension flickering like lightning between Matt and I. She picked Avaya up, who waved at Matt.

"Bye, bye, Av," Matt said.

"Bye, daddy!"

Matt left to go back in his house (a smart decision on his part) and Lily opened the back door of the car to put Avaya into her car seat. I got into the passenger seat and all was silent for awhile except for Avaya singing softly to herself.

Once Lily drove off the property she sighed heavily. "I'm so sorry about that," she said.

"No, don't be sorry, it's okay." I was kind of glad I got to meet the piece of shit who called himself a father to Avaya. Now I knew who I was up against in terms of fights.

"No, you really shouldn't have to be ostracized like that. He doesn't even know you. God, he's such a jerk." She pounded the steering wheel with the heel of her palm.

"It's really fine, Lily. He's not going to get to me. You're not his family anymore." _I am_.

"Yeah but he's still Avaya's father and unfortunately I have to share her with him," she grumbled.

"Not if you took it to court," I really thought that would be the best idea in the situation.

"I can't afford a lawyer, Zak," she sighed. "And even if I could I'd be too scared of the outcome. I don't like court."

"Why would you be scared? He left you for god's sake! He was an absentee father for a good portion of Avaya's life so far. The judge would have to be a complete idiot to ignore that." I fought back. "I'm honestly disgusted he even calls himself her father."

"Can we wait to talk about this until later?" Lily whispered, nodding her head back towards Avaya. I nodded.

When we got back to their apartment Avaya asked if she could go play for a little while.

"Of course, sweetie. Mommy will call you when it's time for dinner." Lily sounded exhausted when she excused her daughter.

"I really think you should take this to court, Lily," I sighed. "This guy is breaking you down mentally. Fuck, I just met you and I can see that."

"But I can't," she shook her head. "They'll find things they shouldn't."

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, I'm just scared of it."

I didn't care anymore. I took her hands in mine and held them to my chest. She gasped and looked up at me in shock but I didn't let her go. I needed to get my message across.

"You don't need to be scared," I said firmly. "I'm here; fucking use me all you want, I don't care. Take my strength."

"Zak…" she whispered.

"No, Lily. I'm serious. When I met you…I didn't think I'd get this involved with you. But you and Avaya won me over and I'm not fucking leaving. I'm going to be here for you no matter what, alright? We will fight this." I squeezed her hands, refusing to let them go.

"You don't know…" She shook her head, grasping her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I know enough."

She only sighed and, to my surprise, rested her temple against our hands on my chest. We stayed like that for only a moment before I released her hands to hug her. She froze against me but I kept hugging her. She didn't hug me back but I didn't care.

I felt something tug on my pants and I kind of jumped and looked down. Avaya was standing there, staring up at us with mystified brown eyes. I let go of Lily and she stepped away instantly.

"Mommy?" Avaya asked.

"Yes, my girl?"

"Can I have ravioli for dinner?"

"Oh. Sure…I'll get it started right now."

"Okay. Bye, Zak." Avaya waved up at me before disappearing back to her room.

I stared after the peculiar little girl for a minute and kind of smiled. But I felt Lily's eyes on me now so I turned to look at her.

"Maybe you should get going," she said softly. "It's dinnertime and all…"

"Right, yeah, I'll head home. Just give me a call or a text or something if anything happens or whatever." I scratched the back of my head and started to head for the door. My fight wasn't quite gone; I just didn't want to push it too much.

"Hey, Zak?" Her voice stopped me at the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I grinned. "You're welcome, Lily. See you later."


	6. It's Not A DateRight? (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V

It was about time for our weekly trip to the grocery store. I hated grocery shopping, honestly. There were all these foods that looked really delicious but if I bought them I'd have to put something else back to stay on budget, and everything I had already were stuff we needed…it was a task. Avaya made it easier, though, as she sat in the cart and held the fruit in her lap. She liked to tell me stories as I pushed her along and skimmed down my grocery list. I listened as intently as I could while at the same time hunting down food. She was a very imaginative little girl.

She always managed to take me by surprise, though. She'd say something very intelligent, or quote a book, or mock something I said three days ago. She'd remind me of things I'd managed to forget about. She was only 5 but she already had a better memory than me. And sometimes she'd just say things that genuinely caught me off guard. I never knew what was going to come out of her mouth anymore.

"I liked seeing Zak hug you, mommy," she piped up while we were down the cereal aisle.

I paused while I read the nutritional facts of this new high fibre cereal brand. She wasn't even looking at me as she spoke, as if it was no big deal. But it was a big deal to me. How can my 5 year old daughter be picking up on these things and giving me reality checks constantly? She didn't know she was doing it, but it still shook me.

"Why's that, sweetheart?" I asked softly. I was curious.

"Because he gives good hugs," she answered firmly. "And I think everybody needs hugs, 'cause hugs make us feel good."

I smirked. "Fair enough."

"You should hug him more."

"Oh, should I?"

"Yeah. Mommy, is Zak your boyfriend?"

I had to stop pushing the cart to look at her. "N-no, Av, he's not my boyfriend. Why do you ask? How do you know what a boyfriend is?" I narrowed my eyes and smirked in suspicion.

"Because Tommy is Nora's boyfriend in kindergarten. They play house together and she's always the mommy and he's always the daddy. I think if we played house, you'd be the mommy, I'd be the baby, and Zak would be the daddy." She answered bluntly.

"Oh, I see," I nodded my head pensively. "What about your actual daddy?"

"Daddy doesn't come to our house anymore," she replied. "Besides, it's not house if both parents are my actual mommy and daddy. I want Zak to be my pretend daddy."

"Ah," I scratched my head. Even though she was just playing around, I felt an awkward itch creep up my spine. "We better keep this between us, okay? If your real daddy heard you say that he might get jealous of Zak."

"I think he already is," she mused.

I narrowed my eyes. "Why?"

"'Cause when we were waiting for you to come get me, I was playing with my dollies by the TV when daddy said you were here. He looked out the window and he said a bad word and asked me who you were with but I didn't know yet."

I chewed on my lip, perplexed. So Matt was jealous of Zak? After all Matt had done to me, did he really find it justifiable to get jealous just because I was friends with another guy? It made me taste poison and feel incredibly satisfied at the same time. I hope he was jealous. I hope he was livid, for that matter. There was nothing he could do about it, either.

I continued pushing Avaya and the cart down the last few aisles, filling it up with some final necessities. As always, when we were finished, Avaya helped me empty the cart and giggled as the track moved, hauling the groceries closer to the till. I hated paying for groceries the most, because it was damn expensive every time. Luckily we managed to stay below the $170 mark though and with only a numb pain in my wallet I hauled the heavy cart out to my car.

Avaya stood and watched as I transferred the bags from the cart to my trunk. She always wanted to help but the bags were too heavy for her to lift most of the time. I usually ended up emptying a bag or two a little; just enough so it was light for her, and then got her to put them in the vehicle. She liked to help and feel accomplished and I didn't have a problem with that. I liked having my little helper around.

Suddenly The Clash started blasting from my pocket just as I was putting the cart away, scaring me half to death. I scrambled to get it out of my jacket as the song played even louder.

"Mommy's got a phone call!" Avaya chorused, clapping her hands to the music.

I smiled quickly at her before swiping my thumb across the screen to answer it. "Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, are you busy?" It was Zak. I really should've been expecting that.

"Um, a little. I just got groceries. I'm about to drive home." I squeezed my phone between my ear and my shoulder and bent down to pick Avaya up.

"Oh, sorry, I'll be quick. Would you maybe be interested in having dinner tonight?"

I sighed. Clearly he'd never had the 'I'm a mom' experience before.

"I can't, Zak. I don't have a babysitter for Avaya." I grumbled. When I was greeted with awkward silence on the other end, I frowned. "You're not trying to ask me on a date, are you? Because, Zak, I can't do that—"

"Bring her with you," he piped up nonchalantly. "Of course it's not a date; I know that. Did you really think it was?" I could hear the humour dripping from his voice.

I stammered. Had I thought it was a date? Had I hoped it would be? Jesus, that's scary.

"Uh…um, no, I didn't, that'd be…well that wouldn't work," I muttered, mentally hitting my head. "But are you sure? What time?"

"I'll pick you up at 5:30. I'll get us some reservations somewhere. Leave it to me." There was something different in his voice. It was shorter; more crisp. I think I knew which one of us really wanted it to be a date, and it wasn't me after all.

"Oh. Okay. Well…see you then." I muttered.

"Yeah, talk to you later." He hung up.

I grumbled loudly. Zak knew how to drive me crazy, that was for sure. I shoved my phone back in my pocket and closed the trunk. I picked Avaya up and brought her over so I could put her in her car seat. She was looking up at me perplexedly.

"Mommy, why do you have forehead wrinkles?" she asked.

I blinked, quickly unclenching my brow and collecting myself. "Don't talk to boys when you're older, Av," I grumbled. "They'll only give you trouble and forehead wrinkles."

"Can I talk to daddy?" she inquired innocently. "Can I talk to Zak?"

"I'm not sure, honestly," I shook my head. "But I don't think either of us have much of a choice."

The buzzing in my apartment room scared the crap out of me when it came. I'd been getting lost in a book and Avaya had been carefully playing—she didn't want to mess up the curly hair I'd given her—by the TV. I'd actually almost forgotten about Zak's dinner plans up until I heard the buzzing.

I jumped out of my chair, Avaya's head following me as I ran to answer them. I pressed the button on the speaker and spoke into the microphone.

"Who is it?" I sang.

"The man you've been thinking about all day long," Zak's voice answered, "probably shirtless and other things I shouldn't mention."

I fake gagged before pressing the button to answer. "Right, Mr. Ego. We'll be right down."

"Hurry."

I rolled my eyes. He was so demanding sometimes, I'd come to learn. My new nickname for him was Bossy Bagans, but I wouldn't say it to his face. He'd probably get incredibly angry at that one. Sometimes Douche Bagans just wasn't bad enough, though.

"Alright, c'mon, Av, Zak's here," I grabbed my purse off the table, double-checking to make sure I had everything, and Avaya came running to the door. She grabbed her own jacket off the nearby chair.

"I'm happy to see Zak," she announced, swaying back and forth. "I missed him."

"Did you?" I smirked. At least one of us didn't get tired of him so easily.

"Yeah, he has funny hair but I like it," she mused. Ah, 5 year olds. They're so darn cute.

"C'mon, sweet pea," I led her out the door and she ran for the elevator so she could reach up and press the button.

It was a short elevator ride to the front of our building. I was looking for Zak's sport car, but it wasn't there. Instead, there was a more standard, but still brand new car parked out front, and it was all black. I tilted my head at it.

It only got weirder when Zak jumped out of the front seat and I could see two other figures in the vehicle with him. He ran up to me with a smirk on his face.

"What do you think?" he asked. "It's Nick's. It can fit more people."

"Uh…" I stammered.

"Oh, and you don't need to worry about getting your car seat; I already put one in." He put his hands on his hips, satisfied.

"That's very nice of you," I said, "but who else is in there?"

"Oh, it's just Nick and Aaron. I invited them to come along. That should be okay, I mean, it's not a date, right?" He raised his eyebrows, just daring me to get mad about it.

I straightened out my back and tossed him a genuine grin. "No, that's fine." I walked past him, seemingly excited to greet his friends. Avaya gripped my hand.

I opened the back door and found the car seat right in front of me. I settled Avaya down into it and buckled her in before I really greeted anyone. I looked up and saw two men looking back at me. I recognized one of them from the library. That was Nick. He was the one I'd been able to stand. He smiled at me.

"Nice to see you again," he said. "I bet you didn't think that was going to happen."

"Not really, no," I muttered, getting into the vehicle to sit next to Avaya. It was cozy.

"Hi, I'm Aaron," A man in the passenger seat twisted around and stuck his hand out to me. He was bald with a dark beard, big eyes, and a grin on. He seemed like a happy person and I liked the vibe I got from him.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Lily." I shook his head and smiled warmly at him.

"Oh, I know who you are," He rolled his eyes, jabbing his thumb at Zak in the driver's seat. "This one over here hasn't shut up about you."

I saw Zak's hand swat Aaron away blindly. "Stop it," he snapped.

"This must be Avaya," Nick leaned over and smiled brightly at my daughter, who shied away from him. "Nice to meet you. I'm Nick."

Avaya smiled, her chubby cheeks getting chubbier, and then hid her face from Nick's eyes. I chuckled at her.

"What's the matter, Av?" I asked. "You're never this shy! Is it because Nick's cute?"

Nick and Aaron laughed, but I don't think Zak found it funny. He just cleared his throat awkwardly in the front seat. I didn't care.

"I bet I can loosen her up," Aaron said. He began to pull silly faces at her and make jokes, and Avaya actually started laughing really hard. In fact, Aaron had everyone laughing except Zak, who I could tell was starting to get tired of the goofy antics. If he couldn't handle the childish games when I had a 5 year old, then he couldn't handle whatever he was trying to get into with me.

Finally we got to the restaurant, and I was feeling good about the night. I know Zak only brought Nick and Aaron along because he had some sort of manly complex that I'd destroyed by saying it wasn't a date, but his tactics were basically useless against me. So I grabbed Avaya, holding her on my left hip, and Zak politely held the door open for us, letting it nearly shut in Aaron's face.

"Table for five please," Zak said at the desk.

We got a nice, dimly lit half-booth near the back. Zak, Avaya and I took the booth, with Avaya in the middle. Nick and Aaron took the chairs on the opposite side. We ordered drinks and the waitress gave us menus and a colouring page and crayons for Avaya, who furiously went to work on it. She loved colouring. I had a feeling she was going to be an artist when she got older.

"There's so many pages to this thing," Nick said, flipping through the menu. "How are we supposed to decide what we want?"

"Close your eyes and pick," I suggested. I put my hand over my eyes, spun my index finger around in a circle above my open menu and put it down. I checked when it had landed on and smirked. "I guess I'm getting the lobster and steak."

"Your finger has good taste," Zak commented, browsing silently through his own menu.

I grinned and checked the kid's menu before I actually picked anything out for myself. "What would you like, Av?"

She looked over at the menu. "What do they have?" she asked.

"Let's see," I read her off the list and before I could even finish she cut me off.

"Chicken fingers!" she said.

I chuckled. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, mommy,"

"Alright,"

Aaron set his menu aside and sipped at his water. "What are you getting, Zak?"

I looked over to listen to Zak's response only to find him staring down at Avaya's paper as she scribbled on it. He had this little smile on his face as he watched her and it may have melted my heart a little, but I'd never admit that. Aaron had to say his name again for Zak to blink himself out of his trance and look at him.

"What?" he asked softly.

"Um, what are you doing to order?" Aaron repeated.

"Oh," Zak looked down at his menu. "Probably the ribs and a salad, I don't know."

We all sat in idle conversation as we picked our meals for the night. I chose the feta and sundried tomato stuffed chicken with a side of garlic mashed potatoes and button mushrooms. My stomach growled just thinking about it. When the waitress took our orders, I even dared to let Zak order us a bottle of Merlot. Aaron stuck with water, agreeing to drive us home afterwards.

I think the worst part about going out to eat at a restaurant is waiting for the food to come. You never know if you're going to be waiting for thirty minutes or sixty, and it sucks trying to figure it out. I was worried Avaya would start complaining, since she'd said prior to leaving that she was getting hungry. But she sat quietly, colouring and drawing happily. When I found myself lost in regards to whatever the boys were talking about, I leaned over and inspected Avaya's work.

"That's beautiful, honey," I commented, pointing a mermaid she was working on colouring.

"Thanks mommy," she beamed. "I'm making her look like Ariel."

"Is Ariel your favourite princess?" I looked up to see Zak watching Avaya with that smile on again. His blue eyes flicked to mine quickly before returning to my daughter.

"Yeah," Avaya answered. "I want to have hair just like hers."

"I think you'd look nice with red hair," Zak said.

I grinned softly at him. I didn't expect him to act so kindly. When he'd told me he didn't have much experience with kids, I was expecting him to be afraid of contact with Avaya, to be honest. And at the start I think he was a little hesitant. But I could tell she'd grown on him. Just seeing him reacting so pleasantly to her made me feel warm inside. Then I realized I was smiling in an almost loving manner at this man, so I took a sip of wine to hide my face for a minute.

"So Zak said you work at a record company," Nick spoke up after awhile, snagging my attention. "Which one?"

"Defiance Records, down on 31st," I answered. "I love it there."

"What do you do?" Aaron asked.

"Mostly I answer phones all day," I chuckled. "I set up appointments, give people tours, answer questions, and let them know what to expect."

"Wow, so you're kind of a big bone in the body of that business, aren't you?" Aaron asked.

"Sort of," I shrugged. "My job could go to anyone trained for it. So it's not so much me as my job spot, but I like to think they need me." I chuckled.

"They probably do," Zak said, swallowing some wine. "I bet they wouldn't have half the amount of male clients if you weren't behind the front desk."

I blushed and looked down at the black tabletop. "Thank you," I muttered.

"Say I wanted to make music," Nick said, "metaphorically, of course. What would I have to do to get signed by Defiance?"

"Well, you'd have to have a sample CD prepared for us to listen to. And then, if the manager likes it, he'll get me to call you to come in and we'll set up an appointment. We'll get you a couple gigs, see how you do, and if people like you enough we'll give you a contract. It sounds like an easy enough process, but it's really not. There's very few people who even get past the first step." I answered.

"Do you get a lot of bad samples?" Aaron inquired.

"Tons," I cringed. "Once someone gave us something that sounded like Cher and Steven Tyler had a baby. It was terrible."

Everyone chuckled and winced at the thought. Alright, I admit, I liked Zak's friends. They weren't show-offs, they weren't rude or judgemental, they were just normal guys. They were easy to talk to and kind and Avaya had a big old crush on Nick. Every time he'd try to talk to her she'd go dead quiet and look away while smiling. He thought it was cute. But it scared me a little, because I realized that sometimes when I catch Zak looking at me, I want to do what Avaya does. Thankfully I don't, or this might be a whole different ball game, one which I would be losing.

Eventually our food came, but the conversation continued. We talked about a lot of the most random things, and we found ourselves getting incredibly in depth over some. I liked that when I was with a group of people. If I couldn't have a decent conversation that I was actually involved in with them, they'd bore me. Thankfully Nick, Zak and Aaron weren't like that. I wondered if they ever really stopped talking; Aaron especially. I didn't mind it though. Aaron was pure humour.

"I can't decide if I want to sleep or throw up," Zak groaned after we were finished.

We were all pleasantly stuffed with food. Avaya was leaning against my side and I could tell she'd probably be asleep before we got home. I played with her hair to keep her sated.

"Yeah, we should probably get going," Aaron said, stretching a little. "Good thing I wore my fat pants."

As we were paying the bill and leaving, Avaya piped up, "Mommy, what are fat pants?"

Everyone just laughed and Aaron snapped his elastic waistband proudly.

We finally arrived back to the apartment and I was carefully removing a sleeping Avaya from her car seat. I said my goodbyes to Nick and Aaron and I turned around to see Zak standing idly by.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'll walk you to your room," he shrugged.

I allowed him to accompany me into the building and up the elevator. We walked in silence until we finally arrived in front of my door. I turned around to face him.

"Thanks for dinner, Zak," I murmured. "That was really nice of you."

"You're welcome," He smiled. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, actually. Nick and Aaron are awesome guys. You're lucky to have them as friends."

He smirked. "Some days I'm not so sure about that."

I chuckled softly and bit my lip. There was something I wanted to say but I wasn't quite sure how to say it, or if I even should. But I needed to put it out there just in case.

"Look, I noticed you were kind of…well, different, for lack of a better word. I'm sorry if I upset you when I said it couldn't be a date. I didn't mean to crush you or anything, if I even did…" I mumbled.

"That's alright," he answered softly. "I understand. Besides, that's what the imagination is for, right?"

I smirked. "I suppose."

At least I knew the answer now. He wanted it to be a date. He'd pretended it was when I said I didn't want it to be. I guess I felt a little bad about it, but still, I had my reasons for saying no. He might not completely know what they are, but he understood enough to just let me be. I could admire him for that.

I'm not too sure what happened next. There was a piece of hair in my face that I kept trying to shake away without waking Avaya in my arms but it wouldn't budge. Zak noticed and lightly brushed it back behind my ear with his fingers. When I felt his touch on my cheek it was like a cool shock surged through my body. His eyes found mine after he'd tucked the piece of hair away. I must've looked at him a certain way, because he moved in a little closer, and then closer still until I could feel his breath on my slightly parted lips and I moved back, away from him. He straightened himself out a little and dropped his hand from the side of my face.

"Goodnight, Zak," I whispered.

He looked down at the floor and smiled weakly at me. "Goodnight, Lily."

I let myself into my room with shaking hands and leaned up against the door for a second. Had he really just tried to kiss me? Had I been imagining it? No, I know it happened. But I hadn't let him really do it. I couldn't kiss Zak. I couldn't get that involved with him. Honestly, I was scared shitless. He could hurt me like Matt did. Or Matt could hurt him, which was something I really didn't want. I looked down at Avaya, who was still passed out in my arms. Her little face twitched in her sleep and I sighed. She had a broken family and she didn't completely understand why. She liked Zak. I felt like she was the angel on my shoulder telling me to go to him, but I wasn't listening. I was too scared to listen.

I tried my best to push the minor event out of my mind and went to tuck Avaya into bed. Maybe if I pretended like it never happened it would just go away. Maybe Zak would just go away. The only problem was I still wasn't sure I wanted him to just yet.


	7. Anastasia (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V

I don't know how many times I'd vacuumed the floor today. I'm sure the people living below me were ready to snap. But I was nervous. I clean when I get nervous at home. It's silly, because I shouldn't be nervous, but every time Anastasia came over she brought up things I didn't want to talk about. I always panicked, wondering how I was going to evade her questions this time. As I vacuumed the living room once again, I still didn't know.

Anastasia Manning is my older sister. She lives in Vegas too, but on the other side of the city from me. She's a doctor. I feel like I rarely get to see her since she's so busy with work. She's also married to a lawyer, so you can imagine the kind of money they make. She has one daughter, who is 3, and they live as a big happy family in an expensive house that I've only seen twice. All my life I felt inferior to Ana. It's not like my family shone a light on her, and Ana certainly didn't want a spotlight, but it was just some part of me that felt like she was so much better than me. Maybe it was because she went off to college and got a degree instead of getting pregnant. I don't know. She just seemed to have a lot less problems than I did and I envied her for that.

I pushed my bangs behind my ear and tightened the messy bun holding all my hair together at the back of my head. I straightened my glasses and put the vacuum away, vowing to not get it out again until tomorrow. I sat down on the recliner and tapped my knee with my fingers. I hated feeling this uncomfortable. She was only family. I loved her; she was my big sister. But I couldn't help but feel inadequate, and she hadn't even arrived yet.

Speak of the devil. The buzzer sounded and I raced to click the button and let her inside. Avaya had toddled into the kitchen by now, anxiously waiting to see her cousin. There was a knock on the door and I opened it, forcing a blinding smile on my face.

"Hey," I said, stepping aside to let Ana in.

"There's my baby sis!" She exclaimed.

She set down her daughter, Colette, who raced over to hug Avaya. My sister turned to me, grinning, and brought me in for a hug. She hadn't changed much from the last time I saw her. Her hair was a darker brown, cut at her shoulders, and she still had the body any girl would be envious of. Her chocolate brown eyes were bright and happy and her perfect teeth almost sparkled in the light. She was wearing some fancy sundress with a confusing blue and purple pattern on it, and gladiator shoes adorned with metal studs. Her skin looked healthily tan and I could tell she just had a mani/pedi. It must be nice. Immediately I felt pretty inadequate in my ripped jean shorts and loose vintage tank top. My hair looked like I'd just gotten out of bed and tossed it in a bun—which, admittedly, was the case—and I was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that my glasses could make me look pretty nerdy.

"How are you?" I asked softly once she was done hugging me.

"Exhausted!" she exclaimed. "The hospital has been weighing on me a lot this past month. Thankfully I'm off for holidays for a few weeks. I need it."

"Oh, well you look great," I complimented. I put some water into the kettle and plugged it in. Ana always had tea when she came over.

"Thanks, so do you," she said, taking a seat at the table. "You seem…different, though. Are you pregnant again? Do mom and dad know?" She tossed me a wink.

I winced. "God, no,"

"Alright, then what's up? You can't hide things from me, Lil, you know that."

I sighed heavily. She was right, of course. She had that annoying sixth sense that sisters sometimes had where she could immediately tell if something was bugging me or if something had changed in my life. And she never failed to remind me that she possessed said trait.

I sat down beside her at the table and chewed my lip. The only thing different in my life was Zak's presence. But if I told her about that she'd never stop asking questions about him. I didn't want that. I blew some hair out of my face and settled for an easy lie.

"Nothing's really new," I answered. "Work and final exams have been weighing on me a lot."

"Mm," I could tell she didn't completely believe me. "You should get a massage, Lil. I can take you to my favourite spa. You'll never feel as good as you do when you come out of that place."

My heartbeat raced unpleasantly. "I can't," I muttered, getting up to check the kettle.

She groaned. "Why not?"

"You know why."

"Lily…they're just scars. They're not that bad. You can't let them dictate your life." She sighed. "I've been telling you this for years."

"I know," I answered.

"That's it? That's your argument now? You're not even trying anymore. You have to get over it, Lily. What he did to you…that was ages ago. It's time to move on."

I turned around, using the counter for support. "I can't just get over it, Ana, you know that. The scars are just a reminder of what happened. They're a reminder of that fear."

"And you can't let fear control your life!" she hissed. "You never have any fun anymore. The minute you think someone could see those scars you panic and close yourself off. How are you ever going to move on from Matt if you think like that?"

"Easy," I mumbled. "I'll figure it out when I want to move on."

"I think you want to move on right now," Ana argued. "But that little complex you have isn't letting you, is it?"

"No…"

I ran my left hand over my right shoulder, underneath my shirt. I could feel the little bumpy pattern on my shoulder blade beneath my fingers. I knew exactly where the other markings were just like that one. There were some in the middle of my back, on the right side of my lower back, and a vertical line down my left side. When I touched them I got vivid flashbacks of the moment I received them. A ghostly burn tickled my back at the memory.

Anastasia sighed and walked over to hug me. I lightly hugged her back. She liked to hug. She thought it comforted people.

"I just want to see you happy again, Lily. You can say you're happy all you want but I know you're not; not really. I want you to find someone and be happy with them. Even mom and dad want that for you."

I stared down at the floor. I'd kind of found someone. I made a friend at least. That had to count for something, right? They couldn't just ignore that, could they? Maybe they'd leave me alone if they knew.

"I did meet someone," I blurted out. The kettle began screaming behind me so I spun around to poor it into our individual mugs.

Ana was silent beside me for a moment. I could feel her shock creeping off her body. It was almost offensive, really. Was I that broken to them?

"I knew it!" She screeched, grabbing my free arm. "Who is he? What's he like? Is he sweet? Does he like Avaya?"

I shook my head and unplugged the kettle. I picked up our mugs and nodded towards the table for her to sit. She swept onto her chair and eagerly waited for me to start speaking. I sat down and flicked my mug with my fingers.

"His name is Zak," I said quietly. "We're just friends. He's…interesting. I guess he's sweet. And Avaya has grown on him I think."

She made a girly giggling noise and sipped at her steaming drink. "What's he look like? Is he your type? I bet he is."

I rolled my eyes. I was stepping into dangerous territory here. "He's tall-ish, I guess. Um, black hair…he spikes it up into one of those fohawk shark fin things…glasses that he doesn't always wear…muscles, and he wears a lot of black."

"Wow, if that description doesn't scream your name I don't know what does," she smirked. "So when's the wedding, Lily?"

"Shut up," I snapped. "We're just friends, Ana, okay? That's it. There's nothing more to us than that."

"Look me in the eyes and say that, Lil."

Oh god, I hated this game. I could never win. I looked up at her but didn't repeat what I said. I thought I'd play dumb.

"Say what?" I mumbled.

She lifted her chin up infinitesimally. "Look me in the eyes and say there's nothing more to you and this Zak character. Look at me and tell me you don't _want_ there to be anything more."

I shook my head and looked back down into my tea. I couldn't say that because I didn't know. I had no idea what I felt anymore. It'd been so long since I felt such attraction towards someone that I forgot what to do next. Instead, I just got scared. So I was lost.

"So you want more with him," she concluded softly. "Why don't you go get it, Lily?"

"You know why," I repeated.

"Don't you use that as an excuse," Ana grumbled. "Matt did horrible things to you. But that was years ago. The more you let him control you the happier he'll be. You can't let that son of a bitch win, Lily. What happened to my sassy little sister who didn't take shit from anyone, especially not a bully?"

I leaned my head against the palm of my hand and sighed. I didn't know where that part of me had gone to, but I really wished she'd come back.

"You're right, I know," I answered quietly. "But you don't understand how hard this is, Ana…you don't."

"Of course I don't," she shrugged. "But I know you can get up from this. You have to get up from this, not only for you but for Avaya. She needs a real father figure and I have a feeling Zak can do a better job than Matt."

I smirked. I was remembering the other night in the restaurant when I'd caught Zak smiling adoringly at Avaya. He'd looked so happy, watching her be content. For a guy with little experience with kids, I was certain he'd be a good father. But would he be a father for Avaya? That was the question that bugged me.

Anastasia put a hand over mine on the table. I looked at her. She looked so concerned. I hated that look. It's like I want people to care about me and worry about me, but I hate seeing them when they do worry. I feel like they shouldn't worry _that_ much. I wasn't that important. Compared to Anastasia, I really wasn't that important.

"That dick bag _ruined_ you," she said firmly. "Mom, dad and I have been trying to repair you for five years, Lily. You've refused us. Answer me this, can Zak make you smile? Can he make you laugh? Do you feel happy and safe around him?"

I blinked at her. "I…I don't—"

"Does he make you feel at home?"

I swallowed. Yeah, he did. He made me feel the most safe I'd felt in years. It confused me. I wasn't used to it.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered.

"Then please, for the love of god, let him help you," she begged. "He might be the one to finally bring my baby sister back. And if he is, then you better marry him someday, you hear me?"

I just sipped at my tea. She'd certainly given me some more things to consider. I wasn't sure I needed more stuff rattling around in my head and keeping me awake at night, but at this point what was one more lingering thought?

In a whisper, she asked, "Does he know about Matt?"

I flicked at my mug again. "He met him when I went to pick Avaya up a couple weeks ago. He wants me to go to court so I can get him out of my life. But he doesn't know all the things Matt did to me."

"I think you need to tell him."

"But I can't! What if he decides he doesn't want anything to do with me later? Then he leaves knowing all this dark crap about me. I don't like the thought of someone having that much dirt on me." I put my head in my hands.

"Does he seem like the kind of guy who would do that to you?" she asked.

"I thought he was at the start but…now I don't." I sighed. "I'm sorry. I can't help but overreact about this stuff…you know how bad it got."

"I do. That's why I want you to let this boy in. It's time for change, Lily." She smiled warmly at me.

"I guess." I nodded.

She clapped her hands together in front of her face, startling me. "Alright, if you've got a hot boy on the line, we need to spruce you up a bit."

My eyes got wide with panic and I shook my head quickly. "No, no we don't," I argued. "I think I'm fine the way I am."

She gave me her 'you're kidding me' look. "Lily, your hair looks like a mess. Did you even brush it this morning?"

I blushed and looked down. "No."

She sighed heavily. "We have so much work to do. Grab your tea, let's go."

I groaned as she hauled me out of my chair and into the bathroom. She sat me down on the toilet and dug around for my hairbrush and makeup kit. When she had everything she needed she turned to face me with a conspiring look.

"Are you ready for some Class A sister bonding?" she asked.

"I'm never ready," I muttered, sipping my tea. Indeed, makeovers were and always had been Ana's bonding method.

She set to work combing out my hair. Every time she caught a snag with the brush I moaned in pain. I thought I was going to get whiplash from the different directions my head was being yanked in. Eventually that section of torture was over and my brown hair hung in soft waves past my chest. She played with it, bouncing it around, and clipped my bangs back. She had me sit up and pulled out my contacts. I nearly hissed at the things. I hated everything about contacts, from putting them in to taking them out. I'd rather suffer through wearing my nerdy glasses than go a day with something on my eyeball.

"Absolutely not," I declared adamantly.

"Too bad," She opened the left side of the container. "Look up."

I struggled against the hold she had me in but it didn't work. She used one hand to pull my eyelid down and the other to put the contact on my eyeball. I gasped at the funny sensation and started to blink furiously once she got it in. I felt incredibly uncomfortable for a few seconds and my vision was even more blurry than normal. Eventually it cleared on the left side, but since I wasn't wearing my glasses my right side was still blurry.

"Time for the next one," she mused.

"God, why?!" I complained. "Why me?"

"Because you were born blind as a bat and the thick-rimmed glasses are getting a little old," Ana chuckled. "Plus, it's fun for me. Now stop moving."

And so the afternoon progressed. She decorated me with light eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara, along with a light pink lip gloss she found in the catacombs of my makeup kit. She sprayed some mixture I didn't even know I had in my hair to make it smooth and shiny and left it dangling in full waves. She was about to dig through my closet when my door buzzed.

I rushed to answer it and she followed me. I was just as confused as she was. I'd only been expecting Ana today, not anyone else.

I pressed the talk button. "Who is it?"

The box crackled and a familiar voice replied, "Zak."

My eyes widened in fear and I turned around to face Ana. A slow smile pulled on her lips.

"Oh god, what do I do?" I whispered. I wasn't expecting him! He wasn't even going to recognize me like this!

"Let him in!" She said, rushing over to me.

"No, I can't!"

"Oh don't be a baby," She reached across me and pressed the button that would allow Zak entry. I glared sharply at her.

She turned to hide behind the living room wall.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

"I want to see his face when he looks at you!" she giggled. "Don't tell him I'm here."

I rolled my eyes, about to ream her out when there was a knock on my door. I panicked a bit and fixed my tank top. Oh god, I was wearing a tank top. I gave myself a personal reminder to not let Zak see what parts of my shoulders were revealed.

I pulled open the door and smiled shyly at him. He was looking especially cute—it feels weird calling someone like Zak 'cute,' but there's no other word that quite does it justice—today. He had his standard tight shirt and black jeans on with the bulky belt buckle. He wasn't wearing his glasses and his hair was especially spiked up. I think my favourite part about him was his expression as he walked through the door though. Ana had been right, and I hope she was watching right now. The look he had was priceless.

He had to do a double-take. At first he looked shocked and even a little confused, but then he took it all in and smiled at me.

"What happened to you?" he asked with a chuckle.

I blushed and picked at a strand of fabric hanging off my jean shorts. "Um, my sister," I didn't know what else to say. Obviously I hadn't done it myself. "I look weird, I know."

"No, no, you look beautiful," he corrected me. "I was just expecting the messy up-do and glasses, that's all."

"Well I did have both those things earlier today," I muttered, hoping Ana could hear the spite in my tone.

He reached his hand out and lightly twisted a strand of my long hair around his fingers. He smiled at me.

"You're gorgeous either way," he complimented.

I bit my lip. "Thanks, Zak."

"Well that's too cute," Ana popped out from behind the wall and leaned against it. Zak jumped a little at her sudden appearance and then looked at me with a confused expression.

I scratched my head. "Zak, this is my older sister, Anastasia. You can blame her for my appearance." I stepped aside so they could shake hands.

I recognized the look on Ana's face. I started blushing at the sight of it. It meant nothing good was about to come out of her mouth.

"You're so my sister's type," she said, giving Zak the once-over.

"Oh, um, thanks," Zak laughed it off. I hid my face behind my hands.

"Hey, Zak, do you drink tea?" Ana asked, walking over to the kettle. My stomach dropped to the floor.

"Yeah, I do," Zak answered. There goes my jaw.

"Come sit, let's talk," Ana pointed to the table before making another cup of tea for Zak.

And I watched in horror as Zak and my sister sat down at the table for a lovely chat about little old me.


	8. Iron & Wine (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V

Finally I managed to kick Anastasia out of my apartment, only after she'd thoroughly embarrassed me in front of Zak. As I was ushering her and Colette out the door she'd whispered to me, "Don't let that man out of your sight! Do what you have to do, Lily!" Which, in return, only embarrassed me more.

I returned to Zak and Avaya, who were rolling a ball back and forth on the floor, and smiled. Zak looked up and caught my eye, grinning back at me. I scratched my upper arm and walked to my bedroom to quickly throw a t-shirt on over my tank top. I'd managed to keep Zak's eyes off my back all afternoon. I didn't want to destroy my good luck streak yet.

I sat down beside Zak afterwards and brought my knees into my chest. "Sorry about that," I apologized. "I didn't know you were coming over."

"It's fine. I should've called first anyway. I just thought I'd surprise you." He smirked.

"Well consider me surprised,"

"Your sister is pretty cool. I like her."

"Yeah, everyone likes Anastasia."

"Mm, well, just between you and me, I like her younger sister just a little bit more."

I chuckled and nudged him with my shoulder. "You suck-up."

He laughed softly by my side and looked away from me. "Whatcha doing, Av?"

I lifted my head to see Avaya trying to grab my iPod dock off a ledge on my bookshelf. She couldn't quite reach, so I got up and grabbed it for her.

"What do you want with this?" I asked.

"I want to dance, mommy, please!" She clapped her hands together.

I smirked. "Alright, alright,"

I set my iPhone into the little dock and let my phone go on shuffle. Hey Jude was the first song to come on and Avaya grabbed my hands and started to jump and spin around. Even Zak stood up and started to dance around the small living room with us. He had me laughing with the way he was jumping in a circle and throwing his arms out in an almost hazardous manner. I liked how he could go from being bossy and serious to sweet and silly in an instant. Call me weird for it, but I don't mind.

We burned through at least seven songs before Avaya toddled over to the dock and went through my songs. She couldn't read all the words yet, but she knew how my phone worked. That kind of made me feel weird to think about. What kind of world were we living in if my daughter can learn to control an iPhone before she can read? I tried not to let it bug me as I pushed my hair out of my face and waited to see what song she'd put on. And when she finally picked one, it wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

_"I was a quick wit boy diving too deep for coins…" _

I paused and stared at Avaya, who was grinning at me and Zak. Flightless Bird American Mouth by Iron & Wine was a slow song. Like, a slow dance song.

"Mommy and Zak dance!" she commanded. She ran up to Zak and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him towards me.

"Oh, sweetie, maybe we should change the—" I was cut-off by Zak's hand placing itself on my waist with a light pressure. I looked up at him and there was no trace of joking in his expression. His right hand held my left one and I slowly placed my right hand on his shoulder. It all felt very weird for a minute.

"Dance, dance!" Avaya sang, doing her own little ballerina moves to the slowly undulating song.

"W-we don't have to…" I whispered, staring up into his blue eyes.

"I kind of want to, though." He answered.

"Oh. Okay."

We began to slowly sway from side to side with a healthy distance between our bodies. But just the simple touch of hands was enough for me. All my attention was on my hip and my hand, where he was touching me while we danced. Occasionally I'd become hyperaware of my hand in his or my other hand on his shoulder, feeling the muscles in his shoulder move if he bent his arm just a little bit more. I could feel the heat on my face the more my sense of touch was heightened. I dared to look up at him to find him still staring at me with eyes I couldn't quite read. He looked content, but he also looked like he was thinking really hard about something. I was scared to ask what it was.

"You're a good dancer," he murmured with a tiny smirk.

I smiled and looked down at our feet as we spun around. "You're leading me."

"True,"

Suddenly the hand on my hip disappeared and he lifted my other hand up into the air, pushing me away from him a little. I gave him a concerned look.

"Spin," he instructed.

I did as told and let him spin me around once before I felt his chest and stomach against mine. Suddenly I was bent backwards and my hair fell in open air. He was leaning over me and smiling like a kid. I chuckled at him as he brought me upright again.

"Do you normally do this with girls?" I joked.

He shook his head. "No, not usually. Why? Is it working? Should I do this more often?"

"We'll see," I laughed, placing a tentative hand on his warm chest. The music stopped and I felt a tug on my shirt. Avaya was looking up at us and she opened her arms. Zak swiftly picked her up and perched her on his shoulders and we danced a little bit more around the room. I had to laugh and admire him at the same time.

"What are you giggling at over there?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He ducked down suddenly and then sprang back up, making Avaya squeal with laughter. "Is this not a serious enough predicament for you?"

I smirked, folding my arms over my chest. "No, no, it's fine," I said. "It's just, for a big muscly guy you're pretty weird."

"Oh yeah? So what? Big muscly guys can't be just as weird as tiny brunettes?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Hey now," I shook a finger at him and pointed to Avaya. "We both take offence to that."

"What are you gonna do about it?" He pulled Avaya off his shoulders and dangled her around in a circle before setting her down, where she spun out into the couch laughing.

"Watch yourself, Bagans. You don't know the kind of power I can wield." I gave him a smart look.

He grabbed Avaya and ducked behind her. "Bring it on, momma. I have a human shield."

"Oh, that's so not fair!" I whined.

He started to laugh like he knew something I didn't. "I get it," he chuckled. He nudged Avaya's cheek with his. "I think your mommy's jealous."

"Excuse me?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, yeah, I think your mom wants her own shoulder ride," He grinned maliciously.

Avaya clapped her hands together ecstatically. "Give her one, Zak!"

Zak set Avaya aside and started to prowl towards me, stalking me like a lion stalks its prey. I started to back up and held my hands out in front of me.

"Easy now tiger," I said, unable to hide my smile. "Don't do anything you'll regret later."

He chuckled darkly, reaching out for me slowly. "I don't think there's a thing about this that I'll regret later."

Before I could reply he lunged at me. I darted out of his grasp, giggling as I ran down the hallway. But before I could disappear into my room at the end of the hallway I felt strong arms wrap around my midsection and pull me back, crushing me against Zak's body. I let out a girly little scream that got tangled up in my laughter and he picked me up and brought me back into the living room. I could hear his own chuckle in my ear.

"Alright, I caught the elusive momma bear," Zak said playfully to Avaya. "What do you think I should do with her, boss?"

"Shoulder ride, shoulder ride!" Avaya chimed out.

"But Av, I'm your mom! Don't let him do this to me!" I begged.

"Shoulder ride!" Avaya was adamant.

"You heard her," Zak shrugged. I felt his arms change position on my body and before I knew it the floor was no longer under my feet.

He stepped in front of me and hoisted me up so I was lying across his shoulders. His arms wrapped around me like he was carrying a tree on his shoulders. My hair fell across my face but I was laughing as he spun us around. He paused, laughing with me, and eyed me. I reached out and flicked his nose.

"You're dangerous," I said.

"I'm just giving the girl what she wants," he smirked.

I only shook my head and tried to wiggle around a bit. He eventually set me down beside him, grinning like a wild man. His arm wrapped lightly across my waist and to my surprise I didn't freeze up at his touch. Come to think of it, I hadn't really frozen up at any of his touches tonight. Maybe there was something in the ventilation system in my apartment building.

Avaya ran up to us, wrapping her arms as far as she could get them across our legs. I put a hand on her head and smiled. I looked over at Zak, who looked astounded and lovely at the same time. He had this big, bashful smile on his face. I wish I had a camera so I could capture it.

"I think she likes you," I commented.

He lifted his blue eyes to me. "Think so?"

"Mm-hm,"

"Well I'm glad. I like her too. But I'm curious, does her mom like me as well?" He raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

I smiled secretively and looked back down at Avaya. "I think she's warming up to you," I answered.

"Good enough for me." Zak whispered.

I found myself leaning my head against his shoulder. His heavy arm moved to squeeze my shoulder gently. I froze up a bit at that one. I thought I jinxed myself. Underneath Zak's muscular arm I could feel the phantom tingle of my stupid small burn marks. My smile wavered and I struggled to maintain it. I didn't want him thinking something was suddenly wrong with me. I just stayed right where I was and tried to ignore the uncomfortable sensation on my right shoulder. I desperately wished I could get over it, but I think it was going to take a lot more than a fun evening with Zak to get me to forget what I'd gone through before he came along.


	9. Vegas Heat (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V

Vegas was cooking today. It was always warm here, seeing as it was a desert and all, but the sun seemed to be especially relentless today. I was out in the tiny two car garage, giving my sports car an oil change and other small fix-ups. I had a wife-beater on which totally wasn't my style, but it was drenched in sweat and oil stains anyway. I'd rather have that kind of a mess on a useless top than one I actually liked.

I was using an old skateboard of Aaron's to get underneath my car. It was cutting into my ribs and my neck was screaming in pain. I was actually starting to feel pretty miserable as a result of the heat and my sore body. I didn't like being uncomfortable. I also didn't like doing my own oil change, but the last time I'd gotten a shop to do it they'd completely fucked things up and I was scared to try it again anywhere.

I pushed myself out from under the car and sighed. I was finally finished. I got up off the stupid skateboard, cracked my back a few times, and then looked at the mess I had to clean up next. What a fantastic Saturday I was having.

I grabbed some paper towels and wiped off some oil smudges here and there, as well as the sweat that slicked my body. I glared out the open garage doors at the sunny sky.

"It's days like this I wish I lived in Seattle…or New York," I snapped.

The door that led into the house opened and Aaron stood there with a half-eaten cherry Popsicle in his hand. I glared at him.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked, slurping up the sticky mess.

"Giving my car an oil change and getting heat exhaustion," I muttered, wiping the oil off my fingers with a bit more vigour.

"Oh," Aaron looked at his Popsicle. "Should I not be eating this in front of you then?"

"No, no, that'd be too considerate of you," I grumbled. "Please, carry on."

"'Kay," He walked down into the garage and continued to take bites of his stupid Popsicle. I grumbled and turned away. "So, you going over to Lily's tonight? I bet she'll like you all sweaty and greased up. That sounds like a plot to the perfect 80's movie."

I scoffed. "No, not tonight. She has work shit she has to get done and said she didn't want me distracting her."

Aaron let out a long, low whistle. "What kind of distractions are you giving her, Zak? Or do I want to ask?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's not whatever you're thinking, you pervert."

"Yeah, why isn't it, by the way?" He finished his Popsicle and chewed on the wooden stick thoughtfully. "I mean, you've known her for almost two months now. You're at her house a lot. So…why haven't you made any moves? Normally by now you've already banged and broken up with a girl."

I tasted poison at those words, because they were true. And I felt pretty shitty that they were true. I never really thought I'd find someone special enough to take my time with until I met Lily, so I just screwed around in all my relationships. It was just yet another gold star to tack on to my reputation.

"I don't know," I mumbled. I set his skateboard back up on its rack. "I just…it's different this time. I don't know."

But I did know, well, kind of. I was really hesitant about "defining the relationship" as they say. I was scared that if I brought it up too soon Lily would block me out and get cold. She did that sometimes. At this point, we were really close, happy friends. We'd laugh together, goof off, and just spend time together. I didn't want to ruin that because I wanted her. I still wanted her; I'd always want her, but I couldn't be selfish with her. She'd been through a lot and although I didn't know much about it, I didn't want to scare her off. I couldn't be insensitive. I couldn't be demanding. I had to just wait for the right time. Unfortunately I'd never been super patient.

"Well if you don't make a move soon maybe there won't be any legendary Lily and Zak," Aaron mused.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone gets a window of opportunity, Zak," he sighed. "I've seen you get some so many times now and you haven't done anything with it! I'm just saying, bro, you have to swoop in on that before it's too late. I'd hate to see you lose her because you waited too long."

I bit the inside of my cheek. Without even knowing it Aaron was arguing with me. He was playing the devil's advocate, so to speak. I hated being argued with, but on this particular subject I had to hear him out. I shouldn't just be afraid of losing Lily because I was being pushy, but I should worry about losing her because I was wasting too much time. I really felt like I couldn't win.

"I just don't want to jump the gun, that's all," I sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

I leaned against my car and shook my head. This wasn't me. I was never hesitant with girls. I never took my time. I was never scared or nervous…I was always confident and strong. What kind of magic powers did Lily have to wield to change that about me in an instant? I'd tried to be confident when I first met her and it only worked for so long before she broke me down. I was screwed.

"Nah, you're fine," Aaron consoled. "You just have to keep your eyes peeled for your next chance and take it this time, bro."

"Maybe you're right—"

I was cut off by my phone ringing from inside my car. I reached in through the open driver's window and snagged it off the seat. I didn't know the number but I answered it anyway.

"Hello?" I asked suspiciously.

"Hi, is this Zak?" It was a female voice. "Like, the Zak who wants to get with my sister Zak?"

I smirked. "Ana, hey, what's up?"

She chuckled on the other end of the line. "Lounging, drinking wine by the pool, you know, a typical day."

"Sounds like it."

"Mm, yes. Although, while I'm sitting here soaking up the sun, I can't help but be a bit troubled by one nagging thought in particular…"

"What might that be?" Aaron was mouthing 'who is it' at me and I waved him off, turning my back to him.

"Why aren't you dating my sister officially yet?" Ana asked.

I looked down at my scuffed up shoes. This whole day was about me dating Lily it seemed. I didn't really mind, I just wish I knew what to say.

"I don't know if it's the right time yet," I sighed into my phone. "You know Lily…I don't know what she's been through exactly, but she's pretty sketchy about that stuff. I don't want to push something that might make her uncomfortable around me, y'know?"

"I know she's had a rough past with Matt and everything," Ana's voice was sad. "I mean she got pregnant at 19 for god's sake. She didn't want that, Zak. She loves Avaya; that girl is Lily's world, but she never wanted to get pregnant before she could really live."

"I understand," I nodded. I still sensed there was something that everyone was leaving out of the story. I didn't want to outright ask what it was though. I wasn't sure t was any of my business just yet.

"Yes, but listen to me and listen good," Ana was back to her bossy voice. We were alike in that sense, I learned. "You are perfect for my little sister. Even if she won't admit it out loud, you make her happy. I could see it on her face when you walked into the apartment. Every time you spoke to her or even looked at her, she got that look on her face that I haven't seen in 5 years. I think you and her could work out, I really do."

"Wow, thanks, Ana. That actually makes me feel a lot more confident…" I kicked at a stray pebble on the cement floor.

"I sense some hesitation…"

"It's just…I don't know when the right time would be," I muttered. "I don't want to scare her off. I want her, I really do, but I don't want to screw anything up because I couldn't wait."

"I say you've done enough waiting, and so has Lily. If you want her, go get her, Zak. She's basically just waiting for you to make the next move."

"I tried to kiss her a few weeks ago and she denied me," I was still thinking about that. That was a big part of whatever was holding me back. If she didn't want to kiss me, why would she want to date me?

"Physical contact has spooked Lily for quite some time," Ana sighed. "She's timid like that. But trust me, she wants to be with you, Zak. She's just hiding from it right now; it's what she does. All you have to do is ask and those walls of hers will come tumbling down."

"But when do I ask?" I chuckled a little. "I've never been this technical about asking a girl out before…"

"This is why I called you," she responded. "I thought you might be floundering a bit. You're in luck, though. This coming weekend she's shipping Avaya out to our parents' for the whole weekend. That's your chance, Zak. Take her out somewhere nice, get her laughing and smiling, make her feel comfortable and then the rest will come easy. You'll know what to do after that."

Something fluttered inside my gut. Anastasia was right; this was my perfect chance! I spun around to Aaron with a huge grin on my face. The little shit had been right after all.

"That's perfect," I said. "Thank you for telling me, Ana. You're a fucking saint, I swear."

"Now, now, Zak," she giggled. "Save the suck-up language for when you're my brother-in-law."

I laughed awkwardly at her joke. "Well I better get planning for this weekend. Thanks again, Ana. You're a life saver."

"Don't thank me until Lily is all yours," Ana said softly. "You have the ability to get my baby sister back to how she once was, I can sense it. Good luck, Zak."

"Thanks. Talk to you soon." I hung up and just kept grinning like a maniac at Aaron.

Aaron gave me a puzzled look. "Why are you looking at me like that, dude? You're kind of creeping me out, not gonna lie."

"You know that thing you were saying about my 'window of opportunity?'" I said excitedly. He nodded. "I got another one, and I'm jumping through it and I'm not looking back."

Aaron busted out into his classic smile. "Atta boy, Zak!" He walked over to clap me on the back and then made a face, wiping his hand on his pants. "We'll talk a bit more after you've showered, I think."

"Sounds like a plan," I chuckled, heading towards the house. "Get me a Popsicle while I'm cleaning up, will you?"

"I'd say you deserve it now." Aaron winked at me as we walked back inside.


	10. Brain Freeze (Lily's POV)

"Well, now that you're finally free, what do you want to do?" Zak nudged my side with his shoulder while we leaned against the kitchen table.

I'd just dropped Avaya off of at her grandparent's for the weekend. I was off mom duty for a couple days and it felt…weird. I didn't know what I should be doing. I wasn't going to go to a party, but I also didn't want to sit in my housecoat with junk food and a sappy movie, either. I scratched my head.

"Actually, I have no idea," I chuckled. "Is that sad? Have I spent too long doing all this stuff?"

He sucked in air through his teeth and looked off into the distance. I'd come to learn that was his thinking face. "Jeeze, five years spent slaving away as an amazing single mom…I don't know; I'd say you're due for a break."

I shoved him lightly and walked down to my bedroom. He followed slowly behind. I took off my navy blue heels I'd been wearing all day thanks to work, and shook my hair out of its restricting bun.

"Do you have any recommendations? I mean, out of the two of us, you're the crazy one." I smirked.

He looked astounded. "I'm not crazy, you are. I'm actually surprised you haven't been locked up yet."

I rolled my eyes. "Suggestions, Zak, suggestions!"

"Right, suggestions," He scratched his chin. "When was the last time you were in a bar?"

"My last time being in a bar was my first time," I giggled. "One of my cousins was getting married and we went out for her bridal shower. I was 23 then and all I could think about the entire night was Avaya. Needless to say I wasn't the life of the party."

"Well there'll be none of that tonight," He pointed his finger at me. "Get dressed; I'll take you to this awesome place downtown. It's a pretty quiet bar, so you should be fine."

I nodded and kicked him out of my room. "I was hoping I could stay inside," he protested from the hallway.

"Uh, yeah, I don't think so." I smirked.

I switched from my skirt and dress top into floral shorts and a loose black top that fell off one of my shoulders. I slipped into my black flats, grabbed my purse, and walked out to find Zak sitting in the recliner. He stood up when he saw me and grinned.

"What do you think?" I asked, spinning around. "Is this proper bar attire?"

"It'll work," he said. "Let's go."

Zak's car was a lot to get used to, much like its driver. It was a white sports car, sleek, fast, and low to the ground. It purred like a kitten on the inside and his sound system rattled my brain a little. But he didn't play his music too loud for long, because he said he wanted to be a "gentleman" tonight. I wasn't sure what gentleman meant by Zak's standards, but I was intrigued to find out.

We parked on the street and Zak took a good five minutes to fill up the parking meter. By the time he was done feeding it money I was positive we'd be free of a parking ticket. So he put his hand gingerly on my lower back and urged me towards a tiny building squished in between two other buildings that were much taller than it.

The bar was called Scully's and I liked it before we even walked in. The outside was all black and grey shining granite, with two large wooden doors proclaiming "Scully's" in the frosted glass windows. Inside it was very dim, lit by a few overhanging lights that really didn't do much. There were large flat screen TV's in every corner of the place, each playing a different sports game. I liked the atmosphere of the place. People were laughing, glasses were clinking, and it smelled good. My stomach growled a little, but thankfully Zak didn't hear it over the din of people talking.

He urged me towards a small table by the far wall. "Go sit, I'll get us drinks. What do you want?"

"Beer is fine with me," I shrugged. "Get whatever kind sounds good."

He nodded and walked towards the bar. I walked over to the table and set my purse by my chair's legs, up against the wall. The chairs were tall and I had to really lift myself up onto it. I sat awkwardly for a moment, playing with the rings on my fingers in my lap. I looked down at the vintage coasters atop the wooden table and then up to all the little trinkets decorating the wall. There were ancient photos of Las Vegas, mobsters, rusty license plates from all over the world, signed cards, and even a few poker chips nailed to the wall. I leaned in to look at one of the photos. It was dated 1928 and it looked like a bunch of fancy gangsters throwing a party in some fancy room. They were all lined up at a table with glasses of alcohol everywhere, money, and girls wearing feathers and sequins dangling off their shoulders. I smirked.

"Y'know you shouldn't get so caught up in the past. I heard it can come back to bite you."

Zak's voice pulled me away from the photo and I watched him pass me a green beer bottle while he took his seat across from me. I tentatively took a sip, smiling as the fizz bubbled down my throat. He took a drink too, admiring the wall as I had just done. He shook his head at all.

"It's crazy, isn't it? All this stuff…once upon a time it wasn't so old." Pure interest washed over his face as he admired it all.

"Funny, I never took you for a history junkie." I said, setting my beer down on a coaster.

He shrugged. "It's interesting to me, unlike all that other crap we had to learn in school."

"On the contrary it's all pretty useful," I countered.

He looked at me incredulously. "You think algebra is useful?"

I chuckled. "Okay, maybe not that one."

He took another drink and crossed his arms on top of the table. "So tell me about the wild and crazy Lily Manning," he said.

I laughed. "What?"

"C'mon, I wanna hear about the Lily that dared to go out and have some fun at a place that wasn't the library!" he smirked. "She sounds like fun."

"How do you know she ever existed?" I shook my head.

"You were a teenager once. Trust me, she existed."

"Alright, so say you're right," I tilted my beer bottle at him. "What kind of stories are you hoping to hear about her?"

"Oh, dirty ones," He grinned wolfishly. Before I could smack his arm he waved the white flag. "I'm joking, I'm joking! Anything, really, I don't mind. I just want to know what kind of fun you had, if you ever had any."

"You're an ass," I took another drink.

"And proud of it," he retorted.

I sighed. "Alright, let me think."

I'd never been to many parties in my lifetime. I got invited to them, but I always lied and said I couldn't go. There was just something about hanging out with a bunch of drunk people that turned me off, I guess. My parents certainly didn't mind. They had that preconceived notion that if I went to a party I'd come home pregnant and addicted to methamphetamines. Thankfully only one of those things happened, and it didn't happen at a party. Anyway, I'd still been conned into attending a few, and I guess it made sense why I was having troubles remembering them. Finally a story came to mind. It might not be the gold Zak was looking for, but it was all I had.

"Okay, okay, so there was this time during my senior year of high school I was partying at my friend Lindsey's house. Her brother was in college so he had a bunch of his older friends there. They ended up getting all of us girls a male stripper and they started a water balloon fight with us in the backyard. Anyway, I remember when the stripper came we were all a little shocked but also pretty drunk, so I thought it would be funny if I demanded a lap dance. I touched some things I really shouldn't have, and I was scarred for life, basically. He kept pointing to me when he did his little routine after that." I confessed, giggling as I spoke.

Zak laughed. "You turned on a male stripper?" he asked. "Was he all stereotypical and dashing or was he old and creepy?"

"Kind of in the middle," I admitted. "He was like if George Clooney became a male stripper. And since I wasn't middle-aged it wasn't all it's cracked up to be at the time."

He smirked. "Alright, so what else happened? I mean there had to be crazier shit that went on that night. A bunch of high school girls and college boys? You can't tell me that's not a recipe for disaster."

I blushed and looked down at my beer bottle, tracing the top with my pinkie finger. A lot of things happened that night, but did Zak really need to know about them all?

"I see something in that face of yours," he commented. "You're keeping secrets. Avaya told me we should never keep secrets."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you really using my daughter's advice against me?"

"Hey, she's a wise kid!" He shrugged.

I nodded. He was right. Suddenly my motto was 'fuck it.' I took a long pull from my drink and picked at my coaster.

"It was the night I…hm-hm," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" He leaned towards me, cupping his ear.

"The night I lost…mm…"

"You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you."

"It was the night I lost my virginity, alright?" I said loudly. Immediately I bowed my head for fear that someone heard me. Once Zak started laughing the hardest I'd heard him laugh, I had to join in. What a doofus.

"That was really loud," Zak commented, wiping his eye.

"Shit, I know," I hid my eyes and smiled as innocently as I could.

"So wait a second, you were a virgin up until your last year of high school?" he asked.

"Well yeah. I have morals, you know."

"Apparently not enough, I mean, talking so openly about it in a bar like that," He smirked, holding the bottle to his lips.

"Oh shut up. I didn't mean to."

He chuckled. "Okay, so tell me about it."

"Um, what am I supposed to tell you? Do you want me to rate the guy who did it?"

"No, no. What did you think, or were you too drunk? Did you _like_ it?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well I was pretty drunk," I admitted. "It kind of bored me, actually. We were both drunk so it just went on forever. I mean it hurt at first and all that jazz, but the part where they say it's supposed to feel good never came. I just got tired of it. I remember asking him if he was done yet halfway through."

He burst into laughter again. "Really? What did he say?"

"He said 'no, give me a few more minutes.'" I shook my head in embarrassment.

"Oh, this is too good. You're a funny girl, Manning."

"I'm glad you're laughing at my horrifying experiences. That makes me feel good."

"You can't deny that's hilarious," he said.

"Alright, well if that's so funny, I'm sure you have funnier stories. Go on, spill." I dared him.

He looked a little shocked at first. There was no way this was going to be all about me. I was going to get some embarrassing stories out of him if I had to beat them out. He recovered himself and nodded.

"Alright, fine, if you wanna go there we can go there." He swirled his beer around in the bottle for a minute or two, thinking. "Okay, so there was this one time where I was at the library with Nick, and I stumbled across this really mean brunette. I found out she had a kid and now she's sometimes nice to me, but we both know she totally wants me."

I slapped him hard on the shoulder, chuckling. "Zak! I'm serious. Tell me something."

He scratched at a spot on his forearm and smiled bashfully down at the table. "I'm not sure what to tell you," he said. "I've done a lot of stupid shit and honestly, I didn't want to do half of it. But it was all part of keeping up with this image, y'know? It was all a mistake. I gave myself a reputation and in the end I'm not sure if I'm happy with it."

I frowned and tilted my head. Poor kid. I think now that I gave him an excuse to be himself, he didn't want to go back to being who he'd always tried to be. He didn't want to remember that. I wondered if he even could remember it.

"Alright, well, let's not get depressing so early into the night," I said, finishing my beer. "Shall I get us another round?"

"Sure," he smiled at me and I hopped off my seat, rushing over to the bar. I looked back at him while I stood in the short line and he was looking at me, and I felt a little lightheaded and it wasn't from my beer. He gave me that little smile and tipped his drink at me. I just grinned and looked away. I was kind of thankful for the dim lighting, because without it he definitely would've seen me blush.

"I can't believe you were one of those kids who worked in a fast food joint," I laughed. "That's so stereotypical."

"Well fuck, I was 15 and living in Michigan, okay? What was I supposed to do?!" Zak finished off his beer and shook his head at me. "What was your first job then, princess?"

"Oh, me? I worked at an art gallery when I was 16. I had some class, you see." I put my hand on my chest and fluttered my eyelashes for effect. I just wanted to see how much I could bug him.

He chuckled and looked like he was about to cuss me out for being a smartass, but stopped himself. He looked around the bar, which was getting pretty crowded, and then back to me.

"Hey, do you wanna get out of here? It's getting pretty noisy." He nodded his head towards the door.

"Sure, let's go." I kneeled down to grab my purse and followed him towards the door.

Once again his hand was lightly pushing me on my lower back but I really didn't mind. I mean, I used to mind a lot. I hated it when he touched me. But now I liked it. It really comforted me.

We were just out the door when I froze on the steps. He stalled on the sidewalk and looked up at me.

"What's wrong?"

"How are we going to get anywhere? You can't drive, you've been drinking and so have I."

"Shit," he cursed. "Yeah I guess I didn't really think that one through."

I knew Zak wasn't about to leave his fancy car just sitting there, so he looked around for a little while, suddenly darting across the street and causing a car to honk at him. I gasped at his sudden movement and slowly and cautiously crossed the street to tail him. He was talking to some boy sitting on a bench. The boy looked a little lanky, in a dark windbreaker and blue jeans, with short pepper hair and grey eyes. Freckles coated his face and he was looking at Zak in shock as he removed his ear buds.

"Have you been drinking?" Zak asked. I furrowed my brow.

"Um, no, I can't yet," the boy said.

"Well how old are you? Can you drive?"

"Yeah, I'm 17."

"Show me your license."

The boy dug around in his pocket, producing a leather wallet which he opened. He flashed Zak a license.

"Awesome. I have a proposal for you, kid," Zak sat down next to him on the bench and got real close. I giggled. "My friend and I here have been drinking, but like the tragic idiots we are, we drove here. Now, we want to be responsible and not drink and drive. We aren't murderers or anything like that; we just need to get home. So, would you be interested in driving us if I gave you money for a cab when we arrived _and_, this is the cool part, you get to drive that beast right over there?" He pointed to his car.

The boy looked highly sceptical and freaked out the entire time Zak was talking until he saw the car. Then his jaw dropped open as he admired it. He cleared his throat and looked up at me and then to Zak.

"You're not going to make me help you rob a bank or anything, are you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Not at all. I mean, unless you want to. In which case you should bring it up with her, she's the wild one." He jabbed a thumb in my direction.

I shook my head when the boy smiled at me.

"Alright, I'll do it. Where do you live?"

I gave him directions and we got into Zak's car. I was pretty surprised Zak was willing to let a stranger—a teenager nonetheless—drive his car. He looked totally in love with the thing. But whatever, at least we were getting home. The entire drive there Zak was talking cars with the kid, whose name was Seth. It was a little boring for me but I didn't expect anything less. I kind of had a buzz going on so I liked just listening to Zak talk. He was really passionate about a number of things, and I liked how he got when they were brought up. He was always so excited and intrigued; he could go on for hours.

Finally we arrived and Seth parked Zak's car on my street. Zak gave him money to hail a cab, apologized for any inconvenience, and raced up to me. We started to walk towards the door to the apartment and I began to laugh.

"I can't believe we just trusted a 17 year old boy to drive us home," I said. "I felt like such a little kid. It was like he's more responsible than we are."

Zak just smirked. "Yeah, I know right?"

We were walking in close proximity to one another and I felt his fingers brush my palm. I kind of stalled and looked up at him wondrously. Had he meant to do that? Had I meant to do that? He was looking at me the same way and eventually just lifted his guilty hand to rub his neck.

As I was letting us into my building, I had a question. "Hey, how did you even get in here that first night when you tracked me down? And, come to think of it, the second night too."

He chuckled. "There was a pizza guy on the first night that let me in and on the second night some other people that I'm presuming live here too held the door for me. Weren't you just so surprised?"

"A little," I admitted. "But looking back now I think it was a pleasant surprise."

He grinned. "I'm glad."

I pushed open the door to my apartment and sighed in contentment. "Home sweet home," I said.

"Yeah."

I opened my freezer and pulled out the peppermint ice cream I'd bought earlier in the week. Zak gave me a mischievous look when he spotted it.

"I'll get the spoons."

Needless to say we ate a lot of ice cream. The fact that we weren't sober really hit us when we started trying to get our spoons to stick to our noses. I succeeded but Zak kept failing and it only got funnier the more he tried. I was laughing while I watched him and suddenly a sharp pain ripped across my temples. I dropped my spoon and squeezed my head with my fingers.

"Ugh, fuck," I cursed, shutting my eyes tight.

"What's happening?" Zak panicked. "What's wrong?"

"Brain freeze," I groaned. "Shit…"

I felt his warm hands on my jaw. I slowly opened my eyes as the pain gradually subsided and his blue gaze was only a few inches away from my face. I jumped a bit, not expecting him to be that close to me. But still he held my face on him. I watched his eyes drop down my face and my heartbeat quickened.

"Zak…" I warned him, but my voice was barely a whisper. He didn't even hear me.

His thumb traced my jaw line in a soft, slow pattern. Those eyes found mine once again and they were closer this time, begging for affirmation from me. I didn't say anything. I didn't make him stop. I didn't shake my head. I didn't push him off of me. I let him get closer. I let my own eyes shut. And I let him kiss me.


	11. Remnants of a Past Disaster (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V.

We separated after what felt like an eternity pressed together. He blinked and watched me, monitoring me. I was conflicted. I wanted more, so much more, but yet I didn't. After what Matt had done to me all those years ago, I was terrified. But I had been drinking with Zak, and there was a chance that was fuelling my need for him in that moment. My heart was screaming yes while my head was screaming no and it was another battle fought for the age old war.

I crumbled against him. His name came out as a broken whisper between my lips. "Z-Zak…" My hand slipped down his side, landing on his thigh. My forehead rested against his shoulder. His body heat was travelling through the thin fabric of his shirt but I felt sickly cold. His hands caressed my arms and neck as he thought of something to say. But he said nothing to me.

I dared to lift my face back up so I could look at him. His neck was bent downward and the tip of his nose brushed mine as I looked up. Again I felt an overbearing want wash over my entire body and I gripped his pants and shirt in my hands, urging him closer. He brushed his forehead against mine, hesitantly moving in. But when I felt the warmth of his breath on my urgent lips the desperate need vanished and I felt cold and conflicted again. I pulled away from him and stood up on shaky legs that threatened to give out on me. All I could think was _I need some air._

"No," I whispered, "I can't."

I pushed open the patio doors and stepped out onto the small balcony. I gripped the railing in my hands and leaned over, gulping in the chilled night air. I didn't want him to follow me outside, but I knew he would. So I wasn't very surprised when I felt his presence behind me.

"Lily…" His tongue caressed my name in such a way that it should've been a sin to even hear it. He was begging me to explain, to give in to him, to do anything other than just stand here with my back to him. He wanted me just like I wanted him, only he was more sure of himself. Zak was always more sure of himself.

I didn't want him doing that. I didn't want him begging me, urging me. I wanted him to go home like this never happened. I wanted to forget how bad I was wanting it. I wanted to forget the chemical feelings throughout my body, like hands gripping me a little too tightly. The remnants of a past disaster were fighting against what I wanted most. My memories didn't want me to have Zak.

"Don't," I pleaded. I couldn't turn to look at him. I could only picture his face, contorted in puzzlement at my actions.

I heard his shoes swipe against the cement of the balcony floor, like he was changing his stance. He let out a single breath and I feared he'd speak my name again.

"Lily," I cringed when he said it, "why not?"

It stumped me. Why not? Why shouldn't I run to him? Why shouldn't I let this man, who has been there for me over the past few months no matter what, take me in his arms and keep me there? Why couldn't I find my safety in Zak tonight? Why shouldn't I even try to look for it? Well, I didn't really have to look for it. I knew Zak was my safety; I'd known for awhile now. But still I hesitated when he called out to me, and why? The ghosts of Matt's fingers, bludgeoning me, slicing into me with a razorblade touch, still haunted me. They kept me at a healthy distance from Zak. And I knew Zak was tired of that. I knew he wanted to close that distance but I was the only one with the ability to do so. And I needed to do it sooner or later, tipsy or not. I couldn't live this way forever and he wouldn't stick around and wait for the rest of his life. I wasn't that special.

I turned around, still using the railing to hold me up. He was standing only a couple feet away in the doorway. His stance said he wasn't going to leave for anything, but his face was almost sad, pleading. His eyes were puzzled and unsure and his mouth was a frown that shouldn't be there. Just as I thought it would, seeing Zak changed something inside of me. The overwhelming desire had returned and I refused to ignore it. The phantom fingers stroked my spine, bruising it, but I ignored them. I ran from them. I left them behind when I pushed away from the railing and hurdled straight into Zak's arms while my lips crashed against his.

We stumbled back into the apartment together and he held me flush to his body. I knew he could feel it; the change that had overcome me. He could tell the distance between us was closed. Tonight, we were one person, one soul, spinning and falling in open air.

I kicked the patio door shut with a defiant click, locking all of my nightmares outside. Zak's hands gripped my waist and his lips never really left mine. I spun us around and pulled him backwards towards the hallway while we continued kissing. For a brief moment he had me against the hall closet, taking me in. My fingers combed the fine hair at the back of his neck and he shivered delicately against my body. We continued down the dark hallway, stumbling and feeling our way to the bedroom. I pulled him inside my room and he fell backwards onto the mattress. He pulled me on top and started to kiss me again and I began to notice the more we kissed the more I needed him to be closer. My hands travelled his body aimlessly. I just needed to touch him. I needed to know this wasn't just another torturous nightmare that I'd awake from in a cold sweat. I was elated when I realized it wasn't.

His hands massaged the backs of my thighs and my hips, holding me on his body tightly. His skull shaped belt buckle was biting into me so I pulled back just to get rid of it. I kissed his neck softly, trailing downwards. He breathed a very gentle moan. I could feel his heart racing in unison with mine against my chest through our clothes. His belt buckle clinked quietly as I pulled it apart and he raised his hips into mine so I could get it through all his belt loops. It landed on my floor with a heavy sound. We disregarded it completely.

And then Zak, controlling, bossy Zak, gently flipped us so he was hovering just above me. He kissed me, consumed me, and he didn't want me to do anything more. He removed his own clothes as well as mine and kissed my skin. He kissed my scars, whether he could tell they were there or not, but I felt his lips on them anyway. He kissed and caressed all the spots on my body that had been bloodied and bruised once upon a time and I almost wanted to cry as he did it. He didn't know it, but it was like he was healing me with his intimate touch. I felt better with everything he did to me. And when he looked down at me and whispered four words after it was all said and done, a single tear did slip out. Thankfully he kissed my throat right after he spoke and didn't see it, but I felt it fall to my pillow. I held him to me and we fell asleep like that. As I was drifting farther into the unconscious, his four words lingered fresh in my mind, conjuring a smile onto my face.

"You are so beautiful."


	12. Finally (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V

I'd been drifting in a dreamless but tranquil sleep for a long time now. Suddenly I was jolted awake by a loud choking gasp and hands pushing on my bare chest. I thought I was having a heart attack until I opened my eyes and saw Lily sitting straight up in the bed with the blankets clutched to her chest and a look of pure panic on her face. I froze. Her body language and lack of speech were scaring me.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. I realized after that was a stupid question.

Slowly she turned to face me, only to wince and put her head in her hands with a sad groan. And then suddenly she snapped into motion, reaching down to grab her bra and panties from the floor. She began to slip them on.

"Lily, what are you—"

"What have we done?" she cut me off, her voice barely a whisper.

I blinked and looked around the room at the wrinkled bed sheets and the discarded clothing scattered on the floor. "Uh, well, I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure we had sex." I answered blatantly. As if to reinforce my point, I grabbed my boxers and pulled them on.

She scowled at me from beside the bed where she was pulling my shirt on. "That's not funny, Zak," she snapped. "This is terrible. I can't believe I let this happen. I was drunk. We were both drunk and we made a mistake."

That stung a little bit. I frowned at her. "I wouldn't call it a mistake." I said.

"Are you kidding me?" she exclaimed. "Zak, I'm a mom! I can't be doing this. I can't be having sex with any guy I befriend. You and I…we won't work out as anything more than friends. And now that we've done this we've completely jeopardized that. God, this is a gigantic mistake! How can you not see that? We were drunk!"

"I wasn't that drunk," I said stonily.

She stared at me for a few minutes. She didn't speak a single word.

"I know you weren't very drunk either," I continued. Neither of us had been drunk enough to use that as an excuse for what happened. We both knew what was happening as it occurred. And neither of us tried to put a real stop to it.

"Don't say that," she begged softly, knocking her knuckles against her teeth repeatedly.

I crawled over on the bed to stand beside her by the window. She didn't look at me.

"Lily, this isn't a huge problem," I said, pulling her fist away from her mouth. "You need to relax."

"How can I relax?" she yelled. "We had sex! Okay? We did. And I can't believe I let myself be that stupid! I promised myself I wouldn't do that and then I went and did it!"

"Yeah, because you _wanted_ to," I said.

She looked blankly at me. It was almost like she was offended.

"Oh, don't look at me like that," I groaned. "You know I'm right. You know you wanted it just as badly as I did. You were more hesitant than me, but in the end you let it happen because you wanted to. You're just embarrassed that particular part of you still exists."

She gave a small sigh; her chest rising and falling in an almost defiant manner. I smirked at her. Gently, I cupped her face in my hands.

"You are 25 years old, Lily. Just because you have a daughter does not mean you can't be happy for yourself. Let me make you happy like you make Avaya happy. That's all I want to do. I'm not going to hurt you," I whispered.

"Zak…" She was pleading. It made my heart pound in my chest and my stomach feel heavy when she said my name like that.

"I'm not going to hurt you like he did."

I kissed her very softly to prove my point. She jolted at my touch but kissed me back all the same. I saw a broken girl in her eyes when I pulled back. She was so conflicted; torn between being a good single mother and being just a girl. She'd gotten so used to doing everything for Avaya that she'd forgotten how to do things for herself. I wanted to help her.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently grasped her hips, pulling her to stand between my knees.

"You're still free for another day," I said softly. "Stay in bed with me all day. We can sleep, talk, whatever you want. Just stay with me."

It took awhile, but she eventually nodded and crawled onto the mattress. I made room for her but she ended up just curling up by my side anyway. I played with her hair and counted the times I felt her lips press into my collarbone. 1, 2, 3. I smiled each time.

Eventually she sighed and started to play with the skull necklace I had around my throat. She ran the pendant back and forth on its chain. It vibrated against my skin but I didn't really mind.

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

I chuckled. "Well I haven't left screaming yet, so…"

She propped herself up on my chest, looking down at me. "I'm serious, Zak. I have a daughter who's only 5 years old and an ex who's a really bad person. You can't look at me and say you've been in this position before."

"Maybe I haven't," I shrugged, "but so what? I don't care about any of that, Lily. I'll help you with Avaya; I want to. I don't give two shits about Matt and I never will. I'll keep you safe."

"I don't want you to be with me just because you want me to be safe," she muttered. "I've been safe for a few years now on my own."

"I'm not with you because I'm concerned for your safety," I replied. "I'm with you because I want to be. I don't want you to be on your own anymore."

She shook her head but even she couldn't cover up the delicate smile that tugged on her lips. "You're crazy, Bagans."

"So I've been told."

"Well, as long as you know it."

I leaned up and kissed her chin and then fell back on the pillow. She gave me a weird look and laughed.

"You're proving my point for me," she smirked.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," I winked.

She giggled, resting her head down on my chest. Immediately I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. And then I just watched her and reflected on the night we had. I hadn't been trying to have sex with Lily when I took her out for drinks. I'd just wanted to spend time with her in one of the only ways I knew how. I didn't think the club scene would be very romantic, and dinner or a movie are too cliché. Scully's was a great place that I saw couples at all the time. I could tell she liked it, anyway. But sex hadn't been my main objective last night. I just wanted her to feel comfortable and have some fun. And I guess in the end she did have fun.

She'd seemed so scared, though. She was hesitant to let me touch her. She was hesitant to kiss me again. I knew it was Matt's fault, not hers. He'd done something so awful to her. He'd left her fearful of human contact, especially of the intimate type. But somehow I'd broken past that barrier he'd built for her. And if I could do that, I felt like I could repair all the damage he'd caused her. I felt like I could destroy him.

I felt her eyelashes brushing against my skin as she blinked. Her fingers outlined my abdominal muscles and silently counted my ribs. I liked it. I liked how she looked, splayed out across me. Her brown hair tickled my skin and I played with a couple strands of it. She was really beautiful. I felt like I could sit in bed with her all day. I wasn't sure what it was about her, but she changed something in me every time she was around. She was special.

I could feel myself smiling at her like an idiot but I didn't really try and stop. She made me happy, okay? I hadn't been looking for anyone who'd make me feel like this. I didn't want anything serious; not for a long time. But when I looked at Lily in the morning light I felt like I was looking at my future. I didn't mind it one bit, either.

She started to move out of my arms and I sat up, leaning against the headboard. She tossed one leg over my hips, straddling me, and sat down on my legs.

"Ow," I laughed, but pushed her hips up a little.

"What?" she asked fretfully.

"You have a bony ass," I chuckled, "it hurts."

She gasped and folded her arms across her chest. "Oh yeah? Well my daughter told me you have weird hair."

I feigned a hurt expression. "That cuts me deep every time I hear it," I murmured.

"You poor thing," She sat down on me again, making sure to dig against my thighs.

"You shit," I growled, snatching her hips and flipping her onto her back. I loomed over her with a dark smirk. "You wanna play that game with me?"

She was laughing and squirming under me. "You're just a sore loser."

"We'll see about that," I ducked down and nipped her collarbone softly. She squealed and pushed on my shoulders with the heels of her hands. I chuckled against her throat.

I felt her fingertips brush down from my hair to the nape of my neck. I made a satisfied moan and kissed her jaw.

"You loose your will to fight pretty quickly," she mused quietly.

"Not always," I responded. "Maybe it's just because it's you."

She kissed my hairline and we just stayed like that for a bit. We lightly touched one another and didn't say anything and it was fine. I didn't feel like I needed to be talking to keep awkwardness at bay. There was no awkwardness between us, which is weird, considering we'd slept together last night. Normally that calls for high levels of anxiety and a heavy atmosphere. But since Lily had been so easy to calm down, I don't think she really regretted anything. I think she was just shocked that she hadn't been dreaming. I don't think she pictured herself doing that with me; or maybe she did, because that'd be pretty hot, but she just didn't see it happening in the context it did. I don't know. She was hard to read.

Suddenly she pushed me off and jumped out of bed, gasping.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up straight.

She was laughing as she darted for the door in just my black shirt and her panties. "We left the ice cream out!"

"Oh shit," I laughed, chasing after her to the living room.

When I got there she was holding the carton in her hands. What ice cream we hadn't eaten was liquefied inside. She chuckled pitifully at it.

"Thank god we ate most of it," she said. "I have to throw the rest of this out."

"So we got a little caught up in one another and forgot about the ice cream," I joked, "it happens."

She was dumping the carton in the garbage bin when she laughed. "How exactly did eating ice cream progress into sex again?"

"I'm not sure," I responded, scratching my chest. "I guess my natural charm is only enhanced by frozen dairy products."

"That makes so much sense." She rolled her eyes at me.

I smirked and walked up to her. I was about to wrap my arms around her and kiss her when she wrapped her own arms around her stomach, which growled.

"Hm…" she muttered, biting her lip.

"Hungry?" I asked softly.

She nodded and walked over to her fridge. I walked in behind her and eagerly grabbed the egg carton. She gave me a perplexed look. I grinned broadly at her.

"You and me are gonna make breakfast," I stated firmly. "First on the menu, eggs. And maybe some French toast…sausages…you have everything for those, right?"

She laughed. "Yeah, I do. I take it you're a breakfast guy."

"Definitely," I nodded. "Now, where do you keep your pots and pans?"

She shuffled around me and opened up a cupboard to hand me a frying pan. As she was doing so I leaned down and kissed her deeply. She looked slightly taken aback and dazed when we separated.

"What was that for?" she breathed.

I shrugged. "You look really hot in my shirt."

I got my satisfaction from her deep blush and continued on to start scrambling some eggs. We sat down at the table and dug in. I was definitely a breakfast guy. I believed that the better you ate in the morning the greater you'd feel all day. And let me tell you, with a heaping plate of hot food in front me and an even hotter girl sitting beside me, I was already feeling pretty great.

Lily mowed down her food and sipped at her piping hot coffee. I could smell vanilla coming from her mug from the creamer she'd dumped in. It made me smile, but I'm not sure why.

"Can I ask a question?" she asked softly, wrapping her fingers around the mug. I admired a thick silver and black band on her thumb.

"Of course you can sweetie," I said after I swallowed a forkful of French toast.

She tapped her mug and the ring made a clinking noise. She was staring into the contents of it thoughtfully.

"What's on your mind?" I prompted when she didn't speak right away.

"Um, us, I guess," she stammered. She ran a hand through her long brown hair.

I put down my fork and focused all my attention on her. "What about us?"

"Well, are we…I mean, what exactly are we now…?" she asked. "I mean, are we still just friends, or…?"

I paused and looked at her shyly. "I was hoping for more than that," I murmured.

Not only had last night's antics constituted for a change in our relationship, but I remembered what Ana and Aaron had told me. This was my chance. I had to take it or I really was going to lose her. I needed to seal the deal for good. I needed to make her mine.

Her eyes lifted from her coffee to my face and she blinked. "Really?"

"Well, yeah," I smiled a bit at her. "Is that okay with you?"

She bit her lip. "Yeah, I think so," she nodded. "I'd like that."

"Me too," I grinned at her and reached out to take her hand with the ring on it. She smiled right back at me as I swiped my thumb back and forth across her knuckles.

And just like that I felt whole. I felt like I wasn't lost anymore; like I actually did have more of a purpose on this earth. I wasn't who I pretended to be anymore. I was Zak Bagans, and I had a beautiful girlfriend named Lily Manning who made me feel more at home than I had in years.


	13. Fort Bagans (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V

"How childish are we?" Lily asked, crawling into our blanket fort with more pillows. She had this amazing smile. It did a lot of things to me when she looked at me like that.

"Just the right amount," I answered. "Now, give me those pillows. We need reinforcement on the right flank."

"Jesus, Zak," she chuckled, tossing the pillows at my face. "I brought snacks, too." She dragged in a box of Oreos and Triscuits for a healthier alternative. I couldn't help but laugh to myself when she dragged in a box of Frosted Flakes, too. What a quirky girl.

"Oh good, we wouldn't want to take this fort building business too seriously," I smirked.

"I think you're already too far in," she joked. She carefully tore open the Oreo box and munched on a cookie.

I snagged her cookie out of her hands and popped it in my mouth. She gawked at me.

"Zak!" she exclaimed. "Not only did you just steal my cookie, but it had my germs and stuff on it!"

"What?" I scoffed. "We had sex, Lily. At this point I don't think it matters if I eat your cookie."

"You are so weird," she sighed. "What have I gotten myself into?"

"Maybe I ask myself the same question!"

She munched on a new cookie pensively for a moment. I finished stacking the pillows up and shuffled over closer to her, grabbing another cookie for myself.

"On that topic, I guess I should explain what you've gotten yourself into," she said softly.

I chuckled. "I already know, Lily. You're a mom, I get it. I can handle it."

"No, that's not what I mean," she shook her head. "I mean…what I went through, with Matt."

My chewing paused. I focused all my attention on her. I didn't touch her, in case that'd throw her off course. I just sat and watched her patiently.

"Okay," I whispered.

She didn't speak for awhile. I didn't really expect her to dive into the story right away. Just judging by the way she acted anytime it was even hinted at I knew it had to be hard for her to speak about. Did she relive it every time she had to talk about it? It had to have been pretty traumatic if that was the case. It kind of set me on edge and made me very nervous.

"Sorry," she mumbled, picking apart her Oreo. "I've only really talked about this with my family…I've been too scared to talk about it to anyone else."

"It's okay, sweetie," I said softly. "I can wait until you're ready."

"I'm ready, I'm just…it's not a good story," She wouldn't look at me.

"I'm prepared for it."

She took a deep breath and let it escape slowly. "Matt didn't want kids with me. We were going to break up anyway, so we obviously didn't plan it. When I started feeling sick and found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. I must've taken ten pregnancy tests. When I told Matt he wasn't too happy about it. He…um, he…"

I moved a tiny bit closer. "What did he do to you?" I asked.

She gave a defeated sigh. "He beat the shit out of me."

I could taste poison. My muscles tensed in my arms and I white-knuckled it for a second. The thought of any man laying a hand on a woman in that way, especially Lily, made me livid. It was so wrong and it went against all my morals. I'd had a nagging thought that this had been the problem with Lily and Matt, but I hadn't wanted to believe it. Now that I knew there were marks on her body that he'd left, I wanted to kill him.

"He beat you…while you were pregnant?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Yes," she whispered. "I protected my stomach as best as I could. It was mostly my face, legs, arms and back."

"What the fu—how did he…" I couldn't even think straight I was so angered.

"Um, he did it in different ways," she mumbled. "Mostly fists…sometimes he'd use heavy spoons, or he'd throw things at me, threaten me with s-stuff…"

She'd been flicking her wrist with a hair tie, most likely to ease the pain of reliving her turbulent past. I didn't like seeing her cause more pain to herself. I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips so I could kiss her knuckles. She faded away from her story and blinked at me in awe.

"I don't want to hear anymore," I whispered with a head shake. "I don't need to. If you go into detail I might run to his house and kill him right now."

She bit her lip delicately.

"What he did to you…it won't ever happen again, understand? I'll never do that to you. I don't want to put you in that position. I want to keep you and Avaya safe, especially now that I'm a bigger part of your life. But I stand behind my court argument even more now that I know what happened. You cannot let this slide for another year, Lily." I said firmly.

"I figured you'd say that," she muttered.

"And I mean it, believe me. This is serious. It's plagued you for years, Lily. I've told you I want to help and I'm going to."

She leaned her head against my arm, defeated. I held her close. I'd give her the closure she desperately needed. I'd give her everything she needed and more, because she deserved that much.

"Hey, Zak?" she said after a small pause.

I looked down to those vulnerable brown eyes. "Yes, baby?"

"I don't know what it is about you, but…when you tell me you want to keep me and my daughter safe, I-I believe you. It's not easy for me to just believe people when they say things like that. But you…you're a different kind of person. I'm really glad you crashed my apartment that night and I got to know you. I'm really glad you're my…my boyfriend."

I grinned broadly. I loved those words coming from her lips. "I'm happy you're my girlfriend." I bent down to kiss her.

She chuckled softly against my lips. "Well that was cheesy," she commented.

"You're right," I smirked. Something popped into my head and I gasped. "Hey, you never told me you had a tattoo on your hip!"

She blushed and bit off a chunk of her cookie. "I didn't think you'd see it in the dark."

"Oh, I'm very observant," I winked. "I like it. Is it flowers?"

"Yeah, they're bluebells with Avaya's name in between them."

"Why'd you pick bluebells?" I thought she would've picked lilies, you know, for obvious reasons.

"Well, when Avaya was maybe seven months old we went all the way out to Idaho where my grandparents have a farm. There was this huge patch of bluebells out behind the farmhouse and I was sitting there with Avaya picking some flowers. I told her they were bluebells and held some out to her. She grasped them in her tiny hands and she said 'blue, blue!' It was her first word." Lily ran a hand over her hip with a smile at the memory.

A warm feeling filled my chest. I could only imagine what that must have been like for Lily, hearing her daughter speak her first word. I'd never really pictured having that experience for myself before, but at that moment I found myself wondering what it would be like.

"Look at you, getting all nostalgic," I lightly bumped her with my shoulder.

"She's important to me," Lily shrugged bashfully. "For the longest time she was my entire world. She needs me, y'know? And I need her."

If I wasn't careful, I think the L word might have slipped out of my mouth at that moment. There was just something in the way Lily talked about Avaya that made me appreciate and respect her so much more. I just felt like I was falling for her more and more when I saw that endearment cross her face and I watched her embarrassed but proud fingers fumble for something to fidget with. She was adorable. She was beautiful. She was mine.

I looked up at the blanket ceiling of our makeshift fort. "Y'know, this fort is pretty hot," I muttered.

She gave me a cheeky look out of the corner of her eye. "With you in it, yeah," she muttered.

I smirked devilishly as my ego lifted. I stretched out and ran my fingers up and down my abdominal muscles. "Oh, I know," I said. "I've been hitting the gym more often."

"Mm, I can tell," She nodded slowly.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that lust I see in your expression?"

She blinked. "Hm? No, not a chance! Pfft, as if I'd be lusting after the kid who stalked me home from the library."

I leaned over and cupped her cheek with one hand, tilting her face up towards me. "One thing about you, Lily Manning," I murmured huskily, "you're a terrible liar."

She giggled against my lips, completely at my mercy. The snacks went ignored for a little while longer. We didn't even care when we accidentally ripped the blanket ceiling down on top of us. We ended up napping in our destroyed fort after, and when we woke up we started dinner together. I relished in the feeling of family love for the rest of the night. I'd found my centre. Lily was finally all mine, and I think I needed her just as bad as she needed me.


	14. Baseball Arrogance (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V

"You're still free for one more day. Come spend it at my place for once."

I smiled at Lily, all wrapped up in my arms. It felt right, holding her to me. I could feel her fingers continuously press against my chest as she drew figure 8's along my body. Her breath seeped through the intertwined fabric of my shirt and warmed my skin. I liked seeing her with me, where she belonged. That's why I wanted her to come with me for one night.

"But what about Aaron and Nick?" she asked softly. "I don't want to intrude. It's their home too."

"Please," I rolled my eyes. "They won't care; they like you. Besides, Nick brings his girlfriend over all the time. It's not a problem."

She made a soft humming noise as she thought. I knew she was starting to miss Avaya and I wanted to be there for her. I felt like I'd spent enough time taking up space in her home. It was the least I could do to invite her over to mine.

"C'mon, Lily," I urged. "I've practically been living here and you haven't ever seen my house. It'll be fun."

She peered up at me and smiled her own secret smile meant just for my eyes. "Okay," she nodded.

"Great. Want me to help you pack a bag?"

"Sure. I just have to call my parents first and check in, then we can get going." She kissed my cheek and walked off, already dialling her parents on her phone.

I smiled at her and looked around her room for a bag. I pulled open her closet doors and found a small suitcase/purse mechanism on her floor. I grabbed it and stared at it for a moment, realizing I had no idea what she wanted to bring for a night. So, I started with what I knew. I walked over to her dresser and put the hand lotion she always uses in one pocket, along with her hairbrush and chapstick and retainer. I pulled open the top drawer of her dresser and put a pair of socks in the big pocket. I made sure they were fuzzy socks, because those were her favourite. Then I pulled open drawer number two and noticed it was her underwear drawer. I smirked to myself as my eyes scoured the contents. I picked up a red and black lacy number and grinned at it.

"She's gonna need this one…" I said to myself, slipping it into her bag.

"Oh, am I?"

I looked over to the doorway to find her standing there, looking at me with suspicious but amused eyes. I smirked at her, deciding to play it cool. _Yes, I was just looking at your underwear, but you're my girlfriend now so I can totally do that without punishment._

"Definitely," I agreed. "Those are my favourite colours; why didn't you tell me you had that?"

She laughed, walking over and taking over the packing job. "I never thought it mattered."

"Oh, baby, lingerie always matters." I winked.

"You're a pervert," she sighed, tossing a pair of pyjamas into her bag.

"Well I don't hear you complaining." I spread out on the messy bed where we'd spent the past few hours.

"True," she chuckled, sauntering over to her closet to grab an outfit.

"How's Avaya?" I asked, watching her back.

"She's good; she's doing finger painting with grandma today," she said. "She was so excited she barely even wanted to talk to me. Oh, by the way, I was thinking since I'll be at your place tomorrow morning anyway, did you want to come pick her up with me?"

I smiled warmly at her. Whenever she invited me to take part in anything involving Avaya I felt like I belonged in this family of hers. I loved that feeling a lot.

"Of course," I said, suddenly smirking to myself. "What are you going to tell your parents?"

She sighed and turned around with a tiny smile on her face. She set the bag on the floor and crawled across the bed to me, straddling me and kissing down my throat while she spoke. "Well, I guess I'll tell them 'hey, this is my sexy boyfriend, Zak. I like him a lot; what do you think?'"

I gave a throaty chuckle and brought her chin up to kiss her firmly. "I think that'll work."

She gave my neck a little nip and then smiled down at me. "I think so too," she said.

I brushed her hair behind her ear. She'd worn it down today and it was really beautiful. Her hair was soft, not dry and crinkly, and it always smelled nice, like coconut and flowers. I like that about her a lot. She smells homey and warm. Compared to the other girls I've dated who smelled unfamiliar and fake, Lily was really something else. I wouldn't let her go for anything in the world. She made me happy from day one.

"As much as it pains me to say this, you're gonna have to put a shirt on," She winced, tracing innocent little patterns on my chest, "unless you normally drive home half-naked."

"I do, but it tends to be the other half," I looked down at myself and smirked.

"Oh hush," she giggled, playfully swatting me. "C'mon, let's go; I wanna see Nick and Aaron."

"Really? You're not happy just seeing me?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yes, I'm very happy just seeing you but I like your friends too," she said, trying her best to urge me to follow her.

"Fine, but they don't get to kiss you or see you naked." I grumbled, standing up.

"Darn it. I'm really into polygamy so this sucks." She sighed sarcastically, slipping a pair of yoga pants on and straightening out her shirt.

I rolled my eyes at her. She could be so sassy sometimes but I just let her be. "Let's go then." I slung her overnight bag over my shoulder. "Are you sure you have everything?"

She stood for a minute, seemingly counting her belongings on her fingers and then nodded. "Yes, we're good to go."

We drove the short distance to my place and I started to get a bit nervous. Of course Nick and Aaron knew Lily by now, but this time things would be different. Not only was she my girlfriend now, but now I knew things about her that they didn't. And they could be pretty rough or say stupid things sometimes, specifically Aaron, and I didn't want them to do anything that may make her uncomfortable or scared. I was just beginning to feel especially protective of her.

"Here we are," I said, pulling into the driveway. Our house was small but it worked for us. I watched Lily gaze out her window at it and smile. I smirked. "Is it not what you expected?"

"I don't know what I expected," she answered. "Maybe black siding and a skull doorknocker, I don't know."

I fake laughed. "Oh, you're so funny."

She chuckled to herself. "I know."

We walked into the house to find the TV on and a box of Frosted Flakes on the couch. I winced at it and hoped Aaron and Nick were decent, wherever they were.

"Aaron? Nick? You two better not be naked, we have company," I called, my voice echoing throughout the house.

Nick popped his head around the corner of the hallway with a toothbrush between his lips. His eyes widened when he saw who I was with and he made a surprised noise before disappearing back into the hallway, muttering on about something. I sighed and slipped my shoes off, beckoning Lily into the house. She followed, curious, and stuck close by my side. I could sense her anxiety, so I kept her tucked away behind me. I really hoped the guys would be on good behaviour around her. They may not know what she'd gone through, but I did, and I intended to keep her safe and comfortable for as long as she was mine.

Suddenly Nick and Aaron both came dashing out of the hallway into the small living room and they were gawking at Lily and I. Aaron was the first to speak.

"So…does this mean that you did it?" he asked with wide eyes.

I sighed and nodded, trying to disguise it as a chin scratch. I could see Lily tilting her head out of the corner of my eye.

"Awesome, dude!" Aaron exclaimed. He rushed towards us and hugged us both.

"Aaron, get off!" I whined, pushing on his chest. Lily was chuckling softly.

"I think I'm a little lost," she said bashfully.

"Ah, it's nothin' big," Aaron said with a smirk. "You're just Zak's girly-friend now is all."

She laughed but I rolled my eyes. Maybe bringing her here wasn't my best idea.

"So what's up?" Nick asked, looking from me to Lily. "How come you're here for once? We didn't exactly clean the place, Zak."

"Yeah, I noticed," I jabbed a thumb at the box of cereal on the couch. "We just wanted a change of scenery. Maybe we could all go out and play ball or something. This house isn't really fit for my 'girly-friend.'" Aaron smirked at me.

"Oh, I don't mind, really," Lily piped up.

"Yeah, let's go to the ball diamond! We haven't been there in months and my glove is collecting dust in my closet." Nick exclaimed, jumping up and down on his toes.

Both he and Aaron took off to get their stuff. Aaron wasn't really one for baseball; he preferred to just take pictures of us playing. But he had a glove and bat nonetheless and he joined in on special occasions.

"You any good at baseball?" I asked, lightly nudging Lily with my elbow.

She looked up at me with this wicked smirk on her face. "I guess you'll find out. But I'm going to need a glove, you know."

I chuckled. "I have my sister's glove in my room somewhere. It should fit you."

"Oh, good! Take me to your room, I wanna see." She tugged on my hand but I shook my head. I hadn't made my bed or anything for a few days since I'd mostly been with her, and I really didn't need her seeing how big of a slob I could be sometimes.

"N-no, that's okay. Another time, alright?"

She huffed. "You're no fun."

"I know," I whispered, winking at her. "Just wait until I'm winning on the baseball field."

It was the second inning and Aaron and I were getting our asses kicked by Lily and Nick. In fact, as much as it kills me to admit it, I think getting our asses kicked is an understatement. One thing Lily and I had neglected to talk about was sports, specifically ones we played in high school. For example, I had no idea Lily was a star baseball player from grade 4 to grade 12 until a few minutes ago when she hit her third home run and as she was casually strolling past me, she politely informed me of it. Not only were we playing half-ass because we only had two people on a team, but now we find out Lily is the wild card. Nick was far too pleased about it.

"How does it taste to lose to your girlfriend, Zak?" he asked, throwing the ball in the air arrogantly.

I just scoffed and kicked at the home plate. Nick was pitching and covering first base while Lily had volunteered to manage everything else. For a quiet, sheltered girl she was pretty cocky on the ball diamond. But I was going to give her something to work for out there. I took my stance, planting my feet firmly into the dusty dirt. I tapped the home plate twice with the tip of my bat and held it ready just over my shoulder. I narrowed my eyes, focusing in on the ball in Nick's hand.

"Good luck, man. You're gonna need it." Aaron mumbled behind me.

"Nah, I won't," I replied. "Just you watch and see. This home run is all mine."

Nick wound up and chucked the ball at me with all of his force. I bunched my muscles and brought my arms forward until I heard the sharp sound of the ball connecting with my aluminum bat. It was sent flying, curving just a little to my left, and Lily was chasing after it. I grinned, dropped my bat and took off running for my bases. I was going to make it home with that one! There was no way in hell she could catch it and make it all the way back in time to tag me out. However, to my surprise, as I was rounding second I looked up to see her rushing with all her speed to third. And she was getting far too close for comfort. I panicked and ran faster, tripping up and falling. I was reaching for the third base with the tips of my fingers, thinking if I could just make it there Aaron could get me home and steal first at least. But just as the dust was clouding around me from my fall and my fingers were just about to make contact with the smooth plate, a white ball beat me to it. I stared in shock at the sight inches from my face and my jaw dropped.

"You've got to be kidding me…" I gasped breathlessly. I rolled onto my back, panting, and as the dust cleared I saw Lily hovering over me with a cocky smile.

"What's the matter, Zak?" she asked. "Did I sneak up on you a little bit?" She knelt down more so she could whisper in my ear, "Did you bit off a little more than you could chew with me?"

I was still trying to catch my breath on the ground and I shook my head. "You're unbelievable," I whispered.

"Oh, sweetheart, I know," she chuckled, lightly cupping my face with the palm of her hand. "I have my moments."

She grabbed my hand and hauled me upright. I dusted some of the dirt off of me and just stared at her, awestruck. I would've never expected such a thing to come out of her. And her talent was baseball, nonetheless! I mean really, who could've guessed that one? It made me wonder what other tricks she had up her sleeve.

"Aw man, can we just forfeit?" Aaron groaned, throwing his glove onto the ground. "I'm exhausted and we're losing big time."

Nick and Lily looked at me expectantly, just waiting to watch me wave the white flag of surrender. I was going to argue the point a little because I hate losing, but I just rolled my eyes instead.

"Fine," I snarled, "we forfeit."

Nick and Lily cheered and did the jumping high-five and everything. I secured my hat on my head and kicked at a dirt clump. It wasn't that I'm a sore loser, because I'm definitely not, it's just that I thought baseball would give me a chance to impress Lily but instead she'd been the one to impress me. I felt a little less manly for it, and my ego was extremely sensitive.

"Oh, don't pout," Lily said, jogging over to me. She reached up and kissed my cheek. "You played a good game, Bagans. Maybe next time we can play golf."

I smirked a little. "Why golf?"

"I'm no good at golf." She winked.

That made me feel a bit better. I kissed the top of her head and wrapped my arm around her.

"I'm just glad you had fun," I admitted. I really was glad she had a good time. I was worried she might be shy or anxious now that things had changed between us. She was hard to read that way. But she seemed to be comfortable with Nick and Aaron and she fit in pretty well. I liked seeing her interact with my friends, honestly.

"I did have fun, thank you. Now, would you like me to buy you an ice cream cone?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

I mulled it over and smiled slowly. "Cookies 'n Cream…?"

She laughed. "Yes, cookies 'n cream."

"Did I hear someone mention ice cream?" Nick asked. "Is Zak paying?"

"In your dreams!" I retorted, lightly pushing his shoulder as Lily and I walked by.

"Wow, baseball and ice cream afterwards," Aaron said in a high-pitched voice. "You really know how to treat a lady, Zachary!"

"Shut up, Aaron." I groaned.

So we left the baseball diamond behind for the night. Even though I lost the game, I was feeling pretty damn good when I looked down and saw Lily's fingers slipping between mine.


	15. Twister (Lily's POV)

Lily's P.O.V

I hastily unlocked my apartment door and rushed inside, a flurry of apologies pouring from my mouth as I tried not to drop the mountain of items in my arms.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Zak. That meeting went on forever. I honestly didn't think it was going to take that long."

I'd been called in to a last minute business meeting at the studio and without a babysitter I had to use a last resort. Thankfully Zak hadn't been busy and didn't mind watching Avaya. The meeting had dragged on for a painful two and a half hours.

"That's fine," Zak answered from the living room.

I shuffled in there with a hand on my forehead. "No, it's really not. I—"

I stopped dead in my tracks. The scene I walked in on made me want to laugh until my guts hurt and it confused me at the same time. I had to blink a few times to make sure what I was seeing was real, but when it didn't melt away in front of me I could rule out hallucinations. Zak was playing Twister with Avaya.

"We're playing Twister, mommy!" Avaya shouted from somewhere behind Zak's leg.

"I can see that…" I chuckled, giving Zak an odd stare.

He tried to shrug, but given the pretzel-like shape he was in it proved difficult. "She wanted to play it, so I said yes."

"Uh-huh, and how long have you been playing it now?" I smirked.

"Oh, about forty-five minutes and counting." He sighed.

"I guessed as much." I laughed.

"Come play with us, mommy!" Avaya beckoned, pushing Zak onto his side. He made a heavy "oomph" noise and then rolled over to look at me.

"Yeah, mommy, come play," He winked.

I rolled my eyes but kicked off my heels and walked over anyway. "Fine, but just one game and then it's bedtime, missy." I pointed at Avaya.

She nodded and spun the dial. "Left foot red," she said, pointing at me.

"Hm," I stomped my foot defiantly onto a red circle, poking Zak in the chest with a finger. "Prepare to get beat at Twister by a 5 year old girl and her mommy."

"She's been beating me all night," he said lowly. "But now I have something to play for."

"Oh? What's that?"

"If I win, you and I are playing naked Twister when she goes to bed." He wiggled his eyebrows and kissed my cheek before taking his directed position on the mat.

"Ha! Don't get your hopes up."

We managed to contort ourselves into quite the fine human knot near the end of the game. I was half on top of him with a leg underneath him and he had an arm slung across my waist, pinning me to his front. I was quite certain we wouldn't be able to make any more moves pretty soon. Nevertheless he kissed me as we tried to hold our tangled bodies up.

Avaya yawned before speaking. "Mommy…left hand yellow," she said.

I reached for the yellow spot and faltered, laying splayed over Zak on the floor.

"Oh no, I lost," I said. "Now it's time for a certain tired little girl to get into bed."

Avaya yawned, her tiny jaw stretching to its limits. She rubbed her eyes with the sides of her fists and nodded, dropping the colour wheel by the mat.

"Okay," she said. She trudged off to get into her pyjamas and that was that. I didn't have to force her to her bedroom or try to calm her down or anything. Needless to say I was shocked.

"What did you do to her?" I asked Zak, who was still laying nearby.

He shrugged against the mat. "We played a lot of games. I guess I wore her out."

"I guess so," I sat up and fixed my hair a little. "I better go read her a story and tuck her in."

Before I could stand up I felt his arms around my waist and his breath down my neck as he whispered seductively in my ear:

"Come straight back to me so I can wear you out, too."

I bit the inside of my cheek and smiled, pulling out of his hold to travel down the hallway to Av's room. I was fully prepared for our nightly ritual, but when I walked inside she was already passed out on her bed with the covers up to her knees and her hand slung over the side of the bed, her fingers outstretched towards a book that lay open on the ground. I smiled at my little angel and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders, put the book back, and kissed her head. She was very precious to me and it was moments like this that reminded me just how much of my heart she consumed.

I turned off her light and shut her door, walking back out to the living room. Zak was just putting the lid on the Twister box. I leaned against the wall and grinned at him.

"I guess I should pay you and send you on your way, huh?" I said.

He looked up at me and smiled. "I have a better idea," He sauntered over to me, yanking me away from the wall and into him. I ran my fingers up his chest, all sorts of delicious thoughts racing through my head.

"Mm, what's your idea?" I asked.

"How about I stay the night and you pay me with your company?" he proposed.

"Really? That's it? No evil plans?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well that depends on what you're in the mood for," He looked at me as innocently as possible although I knew his intentions were quite the opposite.

"Zachary Bagans are you trying to get me to sleep with you?"

"Only if you say yes," he smirked, "otherwise I wouldn't dream of it."

"You probably do dream about it, sicko." I laughed.

"Naw, I would never be so disrespectful towards a lady!" He exclaimed.

"What a weird kid you are," I chuckled, kissing his jaw.

"Don't say I'm a kid; I'm a man," he argued.

"Oh, really? Well then show me."

He kissed me, pressing me harder against his front. I smiled into the kiss and pulled him to my bedroom, beckoning him with a finger to be as quiet as possible. This kind of thing is hard when you have a five year old. Nevertheless, I pulled him into my room and shut the door behind us. He was quick to capture my lips again with his. I ran my fingers through his soft, hat-flattened h air, grinning once again as his hands roamed my sides. For a moment I couldn't help but think about how odd it was that I wanted this so badly. I hadn't been very inclined to it all day, but all it took was one look and some intense words from Zak and I wanted it just as badly as he did. After everything with Matt this kind of physical contact should've terrified me. There was a lot of trust that went into it, surprisingly. I had to trust him not to hurt me. I had to trust him to understand. For some strange reason, I did.

His blue eyes were looking down at me as his body pressed me into my bed and they were darkening; melting away and cutting holes into my skull. There was something very interesting about Zak's presence. It was dominating and intimidating but at the same time it was very beautiful and calming. I'd quickly grown addicted to it. I'd cracked the shell of the man he pretended to be and found the beautiful centre and it was all mine. I liked that. I liked being able to call him mine. I would've never dreamed of it the day I met him, but I wouldn't want it any other way now.

This time was so different from the last time. This time there was no uncertainty nipping at the back of my brain. This time I was perfectly okay with it; it felt almost natural. He moved above me, sending delicious waves of pleasure throughout my entire body from my toes to my skull. His own heavy breathing and occasional soft moans were desirable enough. As my fingers ran over the undulating muscles just beneath his skin I sensed that he was capable of a lot more in this kind of situation, but either he didn't know that or he was just holding back for me. I had a feeling it was the latter. Maybe that was for the best right now, but someday I'd let him do whatever he wanted with me. The thought of it matched with his perfectly timed thrusts sent every nerve in my body into a sexual frenzy.

I felt his teeth sinking into the skin on my shoulder and surprisingly I moaned. I never liked that, the whole biting thing. But for some reason it felt different with Zak, just like a lot of things did.

I always think it's funny how different people act before, during, and after sex. For example, during sex Zak was this intense presence who commanded every movement our bodies made and every feeling that shot through my body. He even used his teeth. But after sex I got to see my Zak again in the greatest way possible. He held me close and kissed my hair, enveloping me with his arms. He'd draw patterns on my sensitive skin and all-in-all he made me feel the most loved I'd felt in my entire life.

My head—which still felt up in the clouds—was on his chest. My fingers were busying themselves at his skull necklace, digging into the black eyeholes and tracing the toothy grin. We were silent for awhile. We simply focused on catching our breath and calming down. But my head was alive with thoughts and the more I regained my focus the more thoughts there were. I couldn't keep them locked up and buzzing around my skull forever.

"You scare me," I whispered.

I felt the movements of his head twitching and imagined he was probably tilting it to the side. "Why are you scared of me?" he asked in a throaty voice.

"I'm not scared of _you_, per se, I'm more scared of…well, I'm scared of how you make me feel." I sighed.

"Okay, now I'm confused. Speak English, girl." He chuckled.

I looked into the dark eyes of his necklace and smiled a little. "Before everything I wouldn't have dreamed of getting this personal with you; I would've been too afraid. But something about you changes that in me and suddenly I find myself wanting nothing but you for as long as I can have you. I guess after going so long being terrified of relationships it's just a little disconcerting for me to feel this way so fast."

He was silent for a moment, mulling it over before he finally spoke. "What do you think that means?" he asked.

I turned my head to look up at him. "It means I'm weird, I think."

He chuckled. "No, no. What if it means, like…I don't know; what if it means we were meant to be together?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Like…soul mates?"

"Sort of. Maybe our meeting in that library was written in the stars." He winked and I pushed on his chest.

"Zaa-aak! I'm serious!"

"I know you are, sweetie. Honestly, if we're speaking in those terms, you scare me too."

I knew what he was talking about so I didn't bother asking why. He'd already told me that he'd never come out of his shell for any girl before. He'd always pretended to be someone he never really was until I came around. Instead of making him explain it again I just reached up to kiss him deeply. I didn't want to scare him anymore, but at the same time I think the fact that we scared one another was a good thing. It made us dare one another unintentionally and in doing so I found that I just fell deeper and deeper for him. Wow, what a scary term, "falling for him." I guess it was true. I was indeed falling for Zak and I didn't know when I'd land or if it'd be a soft landing. That was what I was afraid of.

I looked up at him, my eyes following the contours of his chiselled chest and jaw in the dim lighting. I watched his eyelashes twitch as he blinked; knowing a thousand thoughts were racing just behind his eyes. I wondered if I looked deep enough into them if I'd be able to see what they were. I doubted it.

"You know soul mate means forever, right?" I asked after awhile.

He paused for a minute before nodding. "Yeah, I know that."

"But you were just joking about it,"

"Maybe I wasn't just joking."

"Zak…that's a pretty serious thing to say then,"

"I know."

"You're not cringing at the idea?"

"No, I'm not, because I have you to look forward to in my future."

I chuckled a little, settling back down on his chest. "You're scaring me again."

"Good," he said, "I want to scare you everyday."

I smiled against his bare skin and my eyes began to flutter closed. I'm not sure how much time passed between words but I began to drift within the thin barrier between consciousness and sleep. The heavy pressure was weighing on my head and relaxing me until his voice snapped me awake for one last instant.

"You know how they say home is where the heart is?" he asked idly.

"Mhm," I murmured.

"I guess that means you're my home."

As I returned to the arms of unconsciousness the meaning of his sentence really sunk in. Let's just say I fell asleep with a smile and I woke up with it still on the next morning.


	16. The Magic Words (Zak's POV)

Zak's P.O.V

I was watching Avaya again while Lily went out to grab some groceries. It was noon but it was way too hot out in Vegas to take Av out anywhere fun. So we stayed inside making Play-Doh people and animals on the kitchen table placemats.

"Whatcha makin' there, Av?" I asked, leaning over to peer at her work.

"Dolphins!" she exclaimed happily. "They're my favourite. They're nice sharks."

I chuckled. "I guess you could call them that."

"What are you making, Zak?"

"Uh," I looked at my mess on the table, trying to will it into something worthwhile. "It's a secret. I'll show you when I'm done."

"Oh. 'Kay," she grabbed the little rolling pin and started flattening out her blue dough. "Where's Nick?"

I smirked at her random inquiry. "Oh, he's at work today. Do you miss him?"

"Yeah," she answered shyly. "Aaron's funny too."

"Mhm,"

"Are they your best friends?"

"Yeah, they kinda are."

"But mommy's your girlfriend,"

"That's right, she is."

"How do you know where to be?"

I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean, sweetie?"

"Well Nick 'n Aaron are your best friends but my mommy's your girlfriend. What if Nick 'n Aaron miss you when you're with my mommy?" she asked.

I chuckled. "What makes you ask that?"

"You're here a lot," she answered idly.

"Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, I like it when you're here."

"You do?"

"Yeah you make mommy smile. I see you more than my dad; he never comes here."

"He better not," I muttered under my breath.

"Zak, you're like my other daddy," Av speculated.

That made me freeze up. I liked hearing it; it made me feel special. But at the same time, I didn't know if it was a good thing for her to be saying out loud or not. If the wrong pair of ears heard it…

"Is that right?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah, it's like a game of house," she said excitedly. "I play that game all the time in kindergarten. We have a playhouse in our classroom. I'm always the mommy or the baby, and Dylan is the daddy and Kendra…"

She rambled on about playing house for awhile but I ended up fading in and out of conversation. I was stuck on her previous words that she'd seemed to have forgotten. _You're like my other daddy._ The meaning of the words hit me like a ton of bricks. I could tell Avaya didn't really understand how serious they were; she was just a kid after all. She thought it was a game. But it wasn't a game, and if the wrong person heard her calling me that, there'd be a huge problem…

Just then Lily made her way through the apartment door with grocery bags hanging off of her arms all the way to her shoulders; she was even holding one with her teeth. I jumped up and immediately rushed over to relieve her of the bag in her mouth and the ones in her hands.

"Are you nuts?" I asked her. "You could've tripped and killed yourself!"

She smiled proudly, blowing a chunk of hair out of her eyes. "I didn't want to make a hundred trips," she said. "I did it all at once."

"Yeah well you're insane," I muttered. "You could've called; I would've come down to help."

"No, no; you were busy over here with your, uh, Play-Doh," She smirked at our colourful creations on the table.

"Hi, mommy," Avaya said as she put the finishing touches on her dolphin pool.

"Hey, sweetie," Lily cooed. "Did you have fun with Zak or was he a big meanie?"

I huffed and hip-bumped her on my way to put some soup cans away.

Avaya giggled. "I had lots of fun. Zak can't play Play-Doh very well."

Lily laughed and I turned to shoot her a dark look. "I can so!" I retorted. "I just didn't want to make Avaya's work pale in comparison to mine, that's all."

Avaya looked at Lily. "What's that mean?"

Lily leaned in close. "Basically, it means Zak's lying."

Avaya and her mother giggled. I just rolled my eyes and finished helping her put groceries away. The entire time Avaya's words were lingering in the back of my mind and if I didn't say something about them to Lily I was going to explode. So when she went to her room to put her purse and things away I followed her. I knocked on her doorframe and she turned around, smiling brightly.

"Hey! Thanks again for watching her for me," She kissed me quickly. "I'm glad you practically live here. You're handy."

I chuckled. "I'm glad to be of service to you, slave-driver."

"Hey, I pay you! Not with money, but in other ways…"

"I know baby, I know. Hey, listen, I wanna talk to you about something,"

"Sure, what's up?"

I bit my lip. "Well i-it's actually something Avaya said…"

Lily looked shocked. "She didn't swear did she?"

"No, no, no, it was nothing like that,"

"Okay, well then what was it?" She folded her arms across her chest and gazed curiously at me.

"Well she—she told me I was like her other daddy," I said quietly. "Don't get me wrong, I liked it, I mean…I feel like she's my kid, y'know? We've been together for awhile now, so…anyway, that's not the point. I guess I'm just worried that she might repeat that in the presence of the wrong people. Do you catch my drift?"

Lily nodded slowly as she comprehended what I meant. "She's said that to me before," she said. "She's said it's like a game of house to her. Y'know…I'm the mom, you're the dad, she's the baby. I don't think it should be anything to worry about."

"But I think it is," I retorted. "Lily, if she called me daddy around Matt that would be the spark that'd light the bomb, you know that don't you?"

She sighed, pulling her ponytail elastic out. "Yeah…I just don't think she'd mention it around him," she said. "I mean, it's not like she'll really have an excuse to."

"But what if she does?"

"I don't know, Zak."

"Part of me wouldn't care if she did, y'know. I'd love to kick Matt's ass to Canada and back. But I don't want Avaya to have to have any part in that."

"She's going to have a part of it no matter when or why it happens."

"I know but I just—I don't want to risk her witnessing it."

Lily sighed. "I'll talk to her about it."

"Thank you sweetie," I kissed her hair, holding her close to me for a moment. "Someday I'll kick his ass, trust me, I just don't want Avaya to be there for it."

Lily chuckled softly. "He does need a good ass-kicking."

"He just—the way he treats you makes me so mad. He acts like he has some sort of entitlement to you just because you're the mother to his kid. He acts like you're still his and you're not! You're…you're…"

"Whose am I, Zak?" she asked, looking up at me with the kind of face that made me stop talking because it meant I made a mistake somewhere. "Hm? Am I yours?"

"W-well…yeah," I muttered.

"No, I don't like that," She shook her head. "I don't belong to anyone. I'm not property you can buy and sell."

"I didn't mean—"

"I'm your _girlfriend_, yeah, and I love you very much but I'm not—"

She froze as the realization of what she'd just said drifted across her face. I watched her blink and stutter for a minute. My stomach was doing weird things; good things, but weird things. I could tell she almost regretted saying it but there were no take-backs. She'd said it. It was out there. She said she loved me. It'd shocked me because I was sure I was going to be the first person to say it. I know Lily has trust issues after everything that happened to her so I assumed she'd be slow to pick up on the love stuff. Honestly I'd been thinking about it a lot the past few weeks. I was positive I was in love with her. We'd been dating long enough for my feelings to be acceptable. So I really wasn't expecting it when the words came falling out of her mouth first.

"Lily—" I whispered.

"No," she interjected, waving her hands dismissively in front of her. "No, I didn't just say that. I _can't_ say that. The last time I said that I ended up so damn hurt—"

She tried to walk past me but I grabbed her lightly by the elbow. She snapped back and looked at my hand on her. I let her go instantly and her eyes flicked up to mine. I captured her chin very gently with my fingers so she couldn't look away.

"I love you," I said softly.

Her eyes fluttered and her chest rose with the sudden intake of air as my words hit her. She smiled a tiny embarrassed smile and spoke in a small voice.

"You're just saying that 'cause I slipped up,"

I chuckled. "No, I'm saying it because I'm in love with you. Are you going to tell me I'm not?"

She shook her head, moving my hand with her. A blush coloured her face and her eyes twinkled with excitement. "Are you really though?" she whispered.

I smiled. "Yes, is that okay?"

She nodded and used my arm to pull herself up to kiss me. "That's more than okay."

"Good," I let her go and slipped my hand in hers. "Now come help me with Play-Doh so I don't look like a total loser in front of your child."

She giggled. "Correction: _our_ child."

I paused and when I unfroze from the initial shock of those words coming from her I smiled. No, Avaya wasn't my biological daughter, but I saw her as mine nonetheless. And the fact that both Avaya and Lily seemed to see me the same way meant a lot to me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders that afternoon and I soon stopped worrying about Matt. We all had fun together and forgot about him completely. I floated in the dreamy sensation of family for the rest of the night until Lily and I fell asleep watching The Munsters. Even in my dreams the word kept coming back to me; my new title:

_Daddy._


	17. Confrontation (Lily's POV)

Lily's POV

I saw Zak's car parked outside when I got home, so I assumed he'd let himself into the apartment complex. I'd cut him a key to the building the other day. I probably wasn't allowed to do that since he technically didn't live there but I figured since he was over so much he may as well have his own key. When I opened the door to my room the entire apartment was quiet, though. I knew Av was with Matt, so I took off my shoes and snuck down the hallway to my bedroom. I had a feeling I knew where Zak was hiding.

I'd been right, of course. He was passed out on his side on my bed making soft sleeping sounds. I bit my lip in a smile. He was so gosh darn cute…and shirtless. It was a nice sight to come home to, especially since I usually came home to no one—apart from the occasional babysitter and my daughter. However, call me cruel but I wanted him awake. So I quickly changed from my work clothes into one of Zak's long-sleeved shirts that was in my dresser. I liked wearing his clothes; they w ere comfortable. Once I was changed I crawled into bed beside him and kissed his exposed throat. Slowly his eyes blinked open and he found me. He smiled softly.

"Hey," I adored his sleepy voice.

"Hi," I responded.

"Mm, what time is it?" He sat up a little.

"2 pm," I said.

"How was work?"

"Tiring," I yawned and cuddled up against his warm side. He put an arm securely around me.

"Well I missed you."

"I missed you too." I purred. I was in my happy place again. "What did you do all day?"

"I paid rent with Nick and Aaron, ran a few errands, picked up something for dinner, cleaned up the kitchen for you and somehow I ended up falling asleep." He smiled boyishly.

"I thought I smelled citrus when I walked through the door," I chuckled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. So what did you dream about when you fell asleep?"

"I dreamt I was lying here and I heard a noise so I peeked through my eyelashes and found an unbelievably hot girl changing into my shirt at the foot of the bed." He smirked at me.

"You little shit," I playfully smacked his chest. "There's no peeking."

"I can't help it. You're a weakness of mine." He stretched out, extending his arms above him until there was a pop and he sighed in contentment.

"You're such a cheese sometimes." I scoffed, rolling over on my side so my back was to him.

I felt his strong arms wrap around me and his lips pressed to the nape of my neck. "And you're the ham to my cheese," he said.

I laughed. "Oh my god, Zak! You're proving my point."

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "You wanna make a sandwich? A ham and cheese sandwich?" He kissed my neck three times.

"You maniac," I turned around and gave him a peck. "I don't have time to make a sandwich with you. I have to go get Avaya in an hour."

"That's plenty of time!" He pouted. "I'm really craving a sandwich, Lily, I'm telling you."

I rolled my eyes. "Inappropriate,"

"You're inappropriate," he retorted, flopping back onto his pillow. "This is the most appropriate time in the world for a sandwich and you're wasting it."

"Oh, don't pout," I laughed. "I'll just have to owe you later for cleaning the kitchen and picking up dinner, that's all."

"Now is later!" he whined.

"No, now is now," I chuckled, "as in present moment. Later would be tonight."

"God you're so picky," he grumbled.

"And you're a child," I smirked, smacking his back.

He flipped over and raised his eyebrows at me. "Is this our first argument right now?" he asked. "Is our first argument about when we're going to have sex?"

"I'd say it's a pretty good argument," I muttered.

"Well we wouldn't be able to do it now anyway, we've wasted too much time bickering about it," He sighed dramatically and got up on his knees. "But I do want my shirt back, thief!"

He grabbed my sides and started to pull up on his shirt. I kicked and writhed and giggled, holding it down.

"No, no!" I laughed. "No, you have more in the dresser! No, Zak, stop it!"

"You're a thief!" he accused in between laughs. "Give it back!"

"Zachary Alexander Bagans, you stop it right now!" My speech was broken by bubbly laughter but I managed to get the words out somehow.

"Oh, are we using full names now, Lillian June Manning?" He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"You shit,"

I pushed him away and hopped off the bed to throw one of his shirts at him from the dresser. I pulled on a pair of comfy yoga pants while I was over there. He just sat on the bed laughing at me for awhile until I put my hands on my hips. Only then did he finally get up and pull the shirt over his head. He walked over and kissed my head.

"You will make a sandwich with me," he whispered, "sometime soon."

"Don't hold your breath," I tapped his lips with my finger and turned away from him so I could pull a brush through my long hair.

He stood beside me and played with his own hair, touching up parts that had been flattened down by his nap. I tried to bite back a giggle.

"So am I coming with you to pick up Av? Is that the plan?" he asked.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," I bit my lip. Every time Zak came with me I could feel the alpha male tension rippling the air between him and Matt. It was almost unbearable.

"Of course I want to," he answered. There was something in his voice when he said those words. It was darker; laced with intent. He'd come just to see if Matt would do anything.

"Well alright then," I said.

"Can we stop by my place on the way home though? I have to grab my phone charger."

"Yeah, sure," I nodded. "Will Aaron and Nick want to come for dinner?"

"Aaron's working late and Nick's on a date with Veronique," he said idly, staring at his dead phone.

"Oh. Oh well, the less dishes I have to do the better."

"That is very true,"

I shuffled out into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of raspberry lemonade from the fridge. I leaned against the counter and drank it slowly. I was feeling the same anxious feeling as I always did when Avaya was with Matt. I would never be comfortable knowing she was with him. I thought about the other day when Zak was worrying about her calling him dad. A thrill of panic spiked my blood for an instant as I thought about it. I knew Avaya wouldn't call Zak dad in front of Matt; I'd talked to her about it just to pacify Zak, but I knew she wouldn't anyway. Still, there was always that what-if that haunted me.

Zak made his way into the kitchen and smiled at me. I smiled back but I knew he could sense my discomfort. He always knew, but it was pretty obvious to anyone I think. I'd been getting better with my anxiety since I'd met him but it was something that would always be there.

I watched him as he dug in my fridge for an apple and proceeded to peel the sticker off and wash it. I folded one arm across my body and watched him rub it under the stream of water from the sink. It was a small, simple task that everyone did, but I just liked watching him do stuff like that. His brow would crinkle slightly as he concentrated for that one second, and sometimes his tongue would flick across his lips very quickly. I just liked watching him do things. I liked him. No, it was more than that. We'd already established it.

He dried his apple on the tea towel and walked over to me, taking a loud, crunchy bite out of it. Juice trickled down his chin and a droplet hit my arm. He chuckled and wiped it away with his thumb.

"Sorry. These things are dangerous, y'know."

"I love you."

He stopped chewing his bite of apple and stared at me for a moment. He looked puzzled, but I just stared right back without batting an eyelash. Yeah, it was a weird time to say it, but I was feeling it. Just watching him to menial things like that and projectile apple juice onto my arm made me feel this intense love and appreciation for that man. It's hard to explain. He might be weird, he might make bad jokes sometimes, he might wear weird clothes and spend too much time on his hair but he was _mine_, and I was in love with every quirky little thing about him.

"That was unexpected," he said softly after swallowing.

I chuckled. "You were unexpected," I said. "But I still love you. And you know, I'm getting kind of used to saying those words again. I feel like they actually mean something this time."

He grinned and reached his hand out towards my face. I felt his fingers as they brushed my cheek, pushing a stray curl behind my ear. I blushed at the simple contact.

"I'm so happy about that," he whispered. "I love you too. Those words will always mean something for me."

I grasped his arm, which was still outstretched as his hand cupped my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. I never would've thought it'd come to this moment all those months ago when I met him in the library.

He leaned in and kissed my nose before looking at the clock. "We should get going, Lily."

I nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

We got into my vehicle and started to drive to Matt's place. Zak grabbed one of my hands and squeezed it as I drove. My anxiety definitely didn't go away when I was driving to my ex's house, but Zak made it easier to deal with. When the familiar white house crept up into my line of vision I heaved a sigh of dread. The clouds over Vegas were beginning to darken slightly. It's like they knew what was coming.

I parked in the driveway and as always I took a moment before digging out my phone and phoning Matt to come outside. Zak stood rigid by my side, listening to our short phone conversation.

"Hello?" Matt answered.

"It's me. I'm outside." I said coldly.

"'Kay. Is Zak with you?" I didn't like the annoyed tone he associated with Zak's name. It's not like Zak had done anything directly to Matt—not yet, anyway.

"Yes." I growled defensively.

"Mm." He hung up.

I rolled my eyes and dropped my phone back into the cup holder. "Fuckin' child…" I muttered in contempt.

Zak squeezed my shoulder carefully but didn't say anything. He knew by now there wasn't much he could say.

Finally Matt walked out of his house with Avaya walking unharmed by his side. I breathed a sigh of relief and got out. Zak followed me, quickly standing by my side in front of the vehicle.

"Mommy!" Avaya raced towards me, hugging my legs. I cupped her head in my hand and smiled.

"Hi, kiddo," I murmured.

Matt shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, watching the three of us with cold eyes.

Avaya looked up at me and grinned and then turned her head to face Zak. Her brown eyes lit up and she ran over to hug him, too.

"Daddy Zak!" she exclaimed.

A cold sensation slipped down my spine like slowly melting ice. My eyes got wide and I stared at Avaya, who was still hugging Zak's legs unassumingly. I don't even think she realized what she just said.

Zak's blue eyes were on me, wide with disbelief. I met them for a moment and watched as they narrowed before turning to face Matt. I was nearly frozen in apprehension as I looked at him as well. Matt's face was a mask of pure anger. His chest rose and fall beneath his navy blue shirt in timed, careful breaths.

"What did my daughter just call you…?" he asked, eerily quiet.

Instinctively I grabbed Avaya and picked her up in my arms. She was confused by the sudden disruption in her hug but I held her closely to my chest.

"Get in the car," Zak said to me from under his breath.

I stared at him in shock. "Zak—" This wasn't his battle.

"Lily, get in the car." His tone suggested no argument.

"C'mon, Avaya," I hauled her to the vehicle and put her in her car seat. She kept asking what was happening but I was keeping an ear out for whatever Zak and Matt were saying and all I could say to Avaya was "It's okay, Av, it's okay."

I shut Avaya's door and crept around to the driver's door but I didn't get inside. I kept listening to their voices, low and dark a few feet away.

"You're not her father, I am," Matt was warning Zak. "Did you teach her to call you that or did Lily teach her?"

"Neither of us taught her," Zak answered. "She decided to call me that herself. That says a lot about you, doesn't it?"

"Shut your fucking mouth—"

"No, I won't. This is my family now and I'm not going to let you hurt them anymore."

"_Your_ family? Last I checked that's my daughter and my ex is her mother—"

"Yes, your ex, as in she's not yours anymore. You're a piece of shit that should've been thrown in jail a long time ago and now that I'm in the picture that's exactly what's going to happen to you."

"What did you just say to me? Who the fuck do you think you are? I'd like to see you try one damn thing—"

"Zak," My voice was hoarse. Both men turned to look at me. "C-can we go?"

"Yes," Zak answered, much to my relief. He turned to give Matt one final glare before getting into the car. I hastily reversed before Matt could attack and we were off.

"D-do you still want to go to your place?" I whispered. I could feel Zak's tension radiating off of him and it scared me. Because as much as I knew Zak would never lay a hand on me, it reminded me of when Matt would get angry and I could sense a beating coming before it happened. It was the flashbacks that were getting to me.

"Yes," Zak answered simply.

"Mommy?" Avaya piped up quietly from the backseat.

I swallowed a lump. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Am I in trouble?"

I furrowed my brow. "Why would you be in trouble?"

"Because I made daddy and Zak mad at each other," she whimpered. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's not your fault, Av," Zak turned around to speak to her. "This was bound to happen. Your dad and I just aren't meant to be friends."

I looked in my rear view mirror to see Avaya nod and look down. I suddenly wanted to murder Matt. Not only could he make me feel terrified around my own boyfriend, but he was responsible for making my daughter feel terrible, too. He was truly a vile person. I made the decision then to never let him see our daughter again, no matter how many court appearances I had to make.

We got to Zak's place and Avaya had to use the bathroom so we all came inside. I paced in the empty living room as Zak grabbed his charger and Avaya used the bathroom. I was feeling incredibly uneasy after Matt and Zak's confrontation. Just when my life was starting to feel right again something like this had to happen. I didn't blame Avaya for it, I really didn't, but I just wasn't ready for this to happen yet. I wasn't ready to witness it.

Zak came out from his room with his charger wrapped around his fist. Avaya came out a few minutes later and hopped up on the couch, peering out through the blinds on the window.

"I'm sorry," Zak said quietly. "I had to stand my ground. I'm not about to let a piece of shit like that walk all over me, you, or Av."

"I know," I whispered. "You did what you had to do. It's okay."

He lightly touched my chin with his knuckle, tipping my face up so he could look at my eyes. His blue eyes were much softer than they had been and he smiled at me.

Suddenly Avaya piped up from the couch. "Mommy! Daddy's truck is outside."

Zak and I both froze for an instant before racing to the window and looking out to see what Avaya was talking about. Just like she'd said, Matt's rusty truck was parked out front of Zak's house. I saw his dusty blonde hair as he got out and slammed his door shut.

I grabbed Avaya in my arms on the couch and Zak sat and grabbed us both, holding us to him. And then I just stood, frozen, waiting for the knocks on the door to come.


	18. Picturing Death (Lily's POV)

The knocks came a lot sooner than I thought they would. They were loud and they scared all of us except for Zak. He rose from the couch, leaving Avaya and I naked without his arms wrapped protectively around us. He glared at the door where the knocks were increasing in volume. They were being accompanied by yelling and profanities. I covered Avaya's ears.

"Zak…" I pleaded, begging him to come back to us. If he left it alone Matt would go away. He would leave us behind; he's done it before. I was too scared to let Zak face my demons.

"Go to the bedroom, hide Avaya underneath my bed and stay there with her. Don't come out until I come get you." Zak said quietly, still watching the door.

"Please…"

"Go, Lily, now." Zak gave me one look out of the corner of his eye and I had no choice. I ran down the hallway to his bedroom and shut the door behind me.

"Mommy what's going on?" Avaya asked, looking up at me with shining eyes.

"Shh, baby we have to be quiet," I whispered, brushing back some of her hair. I ushered her underneath Zak's bed and she peered out at me in fear.

"Mommy, I'm scared…" she whimpered.

"I know, baby, I know," I could hear Matt's voice now mixing in with Zak's. "I'm scared too."

I pulled out my phone and dialled 911 to report what was no doubt about to go down outside that very bedroom. They wanted me to stay on the line but I couldn't. I just told them to please hurry and I hung up. The call had provided me with some security, but I was still perturbed about the storm brewing outside.

"Is daddy gonna hurt Zak?" Avaya suddenly whispered as a tear fell down her tiny cheek.

Something in me hardened at the thought of that. "Not if mommy can help it," I argued.

The voices were escalating into savage screaming. I bent down and kissed Avaya's forehead and stared into her eyes, capturing her attention.

"I need you to listen to me," I whispered urgently. "Remember how you said you could count to twenty?"

She nodded.

"I need you to stay right where you are and quietly count to twenty, alright?"

"What happens when I get to twenty? Mommy, I can't count higher than twenty." She sobbed.

"Just keep going, sweetheart, it doesn't matter. Do your ABC's if you have to. But no matter what, promise mommy you'll stay right where you are. Do not come out for anything until mommy comes in to get you, understand?"

She nodded again. "I love you, mommy."

I choked up a bit hearing those words. They were very important in this given moment and I savoured them coming from her.

"Mommy loves you too, sweet pea. I'll be back soon." I headed for the door and as I was closing it behind me I could hear Avaya silently counting.

Carefully, I crept back down the hallway. Matt had pushed his way into Zak's house and neither of them noticed me as I stood just outside the living room, watching them. They were circling one another like lions, glaring and spitting words. It was all very surreal for a moment. I didn't want this to be my reality but I knew from the second I fell for Zak that it was going to boil down to this. And now I had to defend him from my mistakes, because there was no way I was going to let my past hurt him the way it'd hurt me.

I wasted no time invading their face-off, stepping between them. They both stopped what they were doing and looked at me, but I only had eyes for Matt. I glared up at him with as much cruelty as I could muster.

"Leave him alone," I snarled.

"Lily, go back to the room," Zak urged from behind me. But I ignored him.

Matt laughed in my face. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he said. "You think you can intimidate me into walking away from this? You were always an empathetic idiot, Lily. Besides, you should already know I'm not afraid to toss you aside."

Flashbacks of violent beatings flared up in my head. My body ached for a split second and I winced, faltering just a little, before regaining my strength. I shook my head.

"I'm done being thrown around by you," I said. "You're a worthless piece of shit."

I spit in his face. I'd wanted to do something along those lines for so long. It felt great to see him blink in confusion. This wasn't Zak's fight, it was mine. And I could fight it just fine.

"You whore!" Matt screamed, raising an arm to bring the pain down on me.

I grinned sadistically at his fist, the same one that had given me bruises and scars years ago. I shut my eyes and braced for impact. I wanted him to give me a proper excuse to kick his ass. But nothing came. I felt the airflow kick up as it was disturbed by my face but that was all. So I opened my eyes to see Zak shoving Matt's fist away from my face and using his own to send Matt staggering back into the wall with a hand on his eye. I looked over at Zak to see murder in his blue eyes. It looked like no matter what I wanted, I wasn't going to be fighting this battle alone.

Zak rushed Matt and started to literally kick him while he was down. "You…piece…of…shit," he spat between blows, "What kind of…cowardly…fuck…beats a woman?"

Matt was groaning and yelping in pain for a few minutes and for a second I thought we might have won just like that. But then he reached out and grabbed Zak's fist, yanking it towards him so Zak smashed into the wall head first with a loud crack that disturbed the picture frame hanging close by. Matt uppercut Zak hard in the gut and pushed him back by connecting his fist with his face. The onslaught progressed for a painfully long time before Zak straightened out and started to fight back.

Suddenly I remembered that I existed and my feet weren't rooted to the ground. I snapped into action and jumped into the muddle of angry, tense bodies. I clawed at Matt's neck and back, yanked out strands of his hair and tried to gouge his eyeballs out with my fingernails. I was doing anything I could to hurt him, to get him back for all the times he had hurt me. I was starting to feel pretty invincible, matched with Zak's muscle on my side. So I guess that explains why I wasn't expecting it when a thick arm wrapped around my throat, gagging me and yanking me away from Zak.

My eyes were bugging out of my skull and I was clawing at the arm that was practically choking me. I could barely feel the floor beneath my feet, having been hiked up onto my tiptoes. My invincibility was wiped out like writing in the sand at high tide.

"Lily!" Zak rushed for me but Matt tightened his grip, making me choke loudly.

"Don't come closer," he spat, "or I'll break her fucking neck."

"You wouldn't," Zak said, shaking his head.

Matt laughed in my ear. "Please, I clipped this birdie's wings a long time ago. I'm not afraid to hurt her."

"You're a fucking monster!" Zak yelled. His voice shook the walls and sent a cold chill down my spine. I hoped I never had to hear him yell like this ever again. It was unsettling to see him like this. I was scared of him. "She's the mother of your child for god's sake!"

"Yeah that's right, _my_ child," Matt growled. "It doesn't matter how many times she calls you daddy. That's _my_ daughter, not yours, you gothic juicehead wannabe."

"Zak," I mouthed, doing anything I could to catch his attention. I started scraping the tip of my shoe against the floor and he finally looked at me so I could continue my soundless message. "I called 911."

He gave me an almost imperceptible nod, and kept his eyes trained on Matt.

"I'll end you before I let you hurt her," Zak snarled through clenched teeth.

"Too late, Romeo," Matt said. "You've seen the marks I already left. She's mine, and those scars are my signature. I've already hurt her and you weren't there to save her then, so you won't make the slightest difference now."

Zak's eyes flicked to the window and he smiled quickly. "We'll see about that."

Then it all kind of happened at once. I heard the front door bust open and I was released from my stranglehold, flying straight into Zak's arms coughing and spluttering. Cops swarmed the area and had Matt in handcuffs. Clearly they'd seen all they needed to see.

In all the madness, I felt Zak's fingers on my face, inspecting me. I looked up at him into those blue eyes that had been so frightening just a moment ago and were now so tender and worried and I melted. I felt at peace. I felt safe, loved, and at home. That was all I'd ever wanted to feel.

"I love you." It was my second time saying it that day. Not only had Zak just shown how much he cared about me, but also how much he cared about my daughter. I loved all the things he never let anyone else see. And I loved them so much that I didn't even feel foolish or scared telling him that. It was the truth.

He looked relieved to hear it, like he was worried I might not love him anymore after seeing him get so violent. "I love you too." He breathed, quickly dipping down to kiss me deeply. It was so easy, so perfect in that moment of chaos, and it was because of Zak. All my fear and all my pain was gone thanks to him.

"Where's Avaya?" he whispered.

"I'll go get her, you're bleeding. Go out and get fixed up; we'll come to you." I kissed the cheek that wasn't bleeding and ran back down the hallway to retrieve my daughter.

She was singing her ABC's in a hushed whisper beneath Zak's bed. I helped her crawl out and took her in my arms, hugging her tightly. She was worried about her dad and Zak, and for a second I was completely stumped on how to explain what had just happened to her. How does one tell their five year old daughter that their biological father and her mother's boyfriend had just got into a violent fight in the front room? I sugar-coated it to the extreme and said that her daddy was going away for awhile. Of course he was going away for a long while if I had anything to do with it. This fight was enough to push me to the courts now. I'd had enough.

We got outside and the police standing there had us answer some questions before we could go see Zak, who was sitting in the back of an ambulance as a paramedic tended to his cuts and bruises. I said that yes, I was going to press charges, and I told them Matt had a violent history especially with our family. I actually felt better, getting some of it out to the authorities. They seemed to be firmly on my side, anyway. All I really needed to feel better at that moment was Zak, though. So I was relieved when we could go and see him. Immediately Avaya hurdled into his arms, causing him to wince, but he smiled and kissed the top of her head as she hugged him.

"You're hurt," she said into his shirt.

"I'll be okay," he said. "I'm just glad you're safe."

"Zak…" My voice was really nothing more than a croaky whisper. I didn't know how to thank him. I felt bad, honestly. I felt like I'd forced him into that because all this time I'd known it was going to happen. I felt like I didn't warn him properly. I was crying and I was a mess and a terrible person but he was still looking at me like I was some sort of blessing from the heavens with that tiny smile on his face. He had cuts on the bridge of his nose and his lip and a quickly darkening bruise under his left eye but he didn't stop looking at me that way.

"Are you okay?" he asked tenderly.

I nodded, trying to rid myself of the pesky tears. "I'm fine, I'm fine." I hugged my arms around myself tightly, trying anything I could to keep myself together.

"Are you?"

I shook my head. "No…"

Zak hiked Avaya onto his hip and stood up, using his other arm to bring me close. And I lost it right there in his chest, sobbing and gasping for air. I'd been so scared when Matt had his arm around my neck. I couldn't help but think what if he actually killed me? What if he snapped my neck before the cops arrived? What would happen to Avaya? I'd never be able to see Zak again. Nothing hurt my heart more than imagining life without my daughter and my boyfriend. They were both my entire world. So I cried for imagining my death, and I cried for Zak sacrificing so much to keep me alive. I cried for my daughter, who had dealt with so much and didn't understand any of it.

Zak rubbed slow circles on my back as I cried and I could hear Avaya softly sobbing right next to me. I looked at her and reminded myself that damn it, I was a mother. I was scaring my baby girl. I wiped my tears and kissed hers away.

"Shh, don't cry baby," I whispered. "It's okay now; we're all going to be okay."

"Lily Manning?"

I turned around to see a police officer with kind, sympathizing eyes looking at me.

"Y-yes?" I stammered.

"We just want to ask you a couple more questions, if we could…"

I was gripping Zak's shirt for dear life and I didn't want to let go, but the cop was waving me over. I looked up at Zak and he urged me forward, so I slowly released him. My hands were shaking so terribly and I didn't even realize it until I wasn't holding Zak anymore. I took a few steps and the shaking seemed to spread to every other part of my body. Soon the world was beginning to tip from side-to-side.

"Miss Manning? Are you alright?" The police officer asked, rushing to my side and putting a hand on my back.

"I'm fine…I'm fine…I'm fine…" I was hyperventilating, something I did every time I had a panic attack. I'd gotten them often after Matt, and I guess they hadn't gone away like I thought they had.

"Lily…?" Zak was walking up to me cautiously with Avaya still clutched to his side.

"No, no, no…I'm fine…please…" I couldn't breathe. The world was spinning now.

Everything started moving so fast as the reality of what had happened really began weighing on my shoulders. And then suddenly everything was black and I felt the earth slip out from under my feet. The only sound that echoed in my head was Avaya's tiny voice screaming before I lost consciousness.


	19. We Could Go Away (Lily's POV)

Lily's POV

I was exhausted. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, but I'd won…for now.

I kicked off my wedges along the hallway towards my bedroom, tossed my purse on the floor, and flopped face first onto my bed. I let out a loud groan as the mattress welcomed me with comfy promises of heavy sleep, something I'd been unable to achieve for almost a month. After everything with Matt a few weeks ago, including my fainting spell, I wanted to pass out so badly and sleep for a solid 12 hours like I used to when I was a teenager, but alas I was a mother now. Plus, Zak Bagans was my boyfriend, so that didn't help either.

"Hey how was—oh, shit," His voice came from the door behind me and it quickly dulled down to a harsh whisper. "Are you sleeping?"

I turned over and looked at him. "I wish," I mumbled.

"Oh. How was court then?"

He walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, extending a hand to toy with my hair. I curled up around him, drinking in his body heat. Even though it'd been stifling in that courtroom and it'd made me miserable, I longed to be close to him.

I'd finally gone to the authorities concerning Matt. I mean there wasn't much escaping it after he'd violently attacked Zak and I in Zak's home, therefore making it obvious he'd followed us. So far the legal system was on my side. They were holding Matt in the jail and he was being charged with assault and domestic abuse. They'd been provided with enough evidence to prove that Matt had beat me 5 years ago. I had one more court date to attend and hopefully it'd be the one that'd make it all official. Matt would get locked up for months, and if he got parole I'd have a restraining order already filled. His rights to see Avaya would be stripped, given that he'd attacked me while I'd been pregnant and ignored Avaya at the start of her life. We'd never been married, so it made it a hell of a lot easier to figure out.

"Productive," I yawned. "We've made a lot of headway. In two weeks they'll hopefully get him out of my life for good."

"Baby, that's great!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah, now I just have to figure out how I'm going to explain to Avaya why she'll never see her father again." I plucked at a loose string on Zak's shirt. His left hand massaged my upper back in slow, comforting circles.

"You'll figure it out," he said. "I can be there if you want, for moral support."

"No, I think this is something I should do alone. Once the right words come to me I'll tell her. I hope she takes it okay."

"She's a kid, Lily. She won't understand but she'll carry on with life. They have it a lot easier than we do. Sometimes I wish I knew as little about the real world as a five year old does."

"Right?" I sighed. "The real world sucks. My life is so fucked up. When I was five, all I could think about was growing up to be a princess. Look at the position I'm in instead. I'm 25 with a five year old daughter and I'm taking my ex-boyfriend to court for beating me and attacking you. And now I—now I don't know what to do with myself."

He was quiet for a moment. For some reason I thought I offended him for a split second. I was about to stutter out something about him making my life less shit when he spoke up.

"We could go away for a little while," he said quietly, like it was some special secret.

I looked up at him, puzzled. "Alright…but where would we go? And with what money?"

He smiled. "I've got enough for three plane tickets."

I sat up. "Plane? I thought you meant somewhere within easy driving distance."

"No, I was thinking somewhere more like Michigan; Trenton, Michigan, to be exact."

"Zak…"

"Think about it for a second, Lil. You could escape; we could all escape. We could clear our heads. I could show you the sights, and you and Av could meet my mom and sister. Mom's been dying to meet you both. I think she already bought toys for Av. Please? It'll make you feel better, I know it will." He covered my hands with his on top of the mattress, his blue eyes pleading with me.

I guess he had a fair point. Getting away from Vegas might be the answer to all my stress at the moment. Plus I heard Michigan was nice this time of year. Although the thought of finally meeting Zak's mother put butterflies in my stomach. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, I was just assuming it'd be later.

"Okay," I finally sighed. "Alright, let's go to Michigan."

"Yeah?" Zak's eyes lit up and a huge smile brightened his face.

"Yeah."

"Awesome!" He kissed me quickly. "You're gonna love it; it'll be just what you need. Av's gonna get spoiled rotten. I'll go book the tickets right now."

He left before I could tell him to wait. Zak Bagans wasn't known for waiting, and I wasn't going to be known for standing by and suffering, not anymore. So instead of sitting at home letting the stress ruin my complexion, I was going to Michigan. Kind of random, but hey, random was better than this crap.

We were on our way to Michigan…well, almost. We had to stop at Zak's first, which I didn't mind. I wanted to see Nick and Aaron before we left anyway. They'd quickly become my best friends, too. I felt like they were family. Avaya certainly wanted to see Nick. She was sitting on his lap and drawing pictures on her notepad with him after only five minutes of being there.

"You're all set?" Aaron asked. "You don't need shaving cream or snacks or ammunition?"

"Why would I need ammunition?" Zak asked, giving Aaron a look.

"You never know, man. There's some crazies in Michigan."

"I'm sure there's more in Vegas."

"Are you staying at your mom's place?" Nick asked.

"No, they're getting renovations in the basement so there's no spare bedrooms at the moment. I booked us a room in a B&B." Zak answered, staring hard at the screen of his phone.

"Which one?"

"King's Bed & Breakfast," Zak replied. "It's some family establishment…been around since 1916."

Nick's eyes got wide and his mouth made a perfect O shape. I smirked at him, curious as to what had suddenly dawned on him.

"What?" I asked. "Is something wrong with that place? Does it have bedbugs?" I was pretty sure Nick hadn't been to Michigan before to know that, but a mother wonders about these things.

"No, I just heard that it's super haunted," Nick answered with a smirk.

"Ooooo," Aaron wiggled his fingers in Zak's face ominously. "Zak's gonna go sleep with the ghosts!"

"Stop it," Zak sighed. "There's no such thing as ghosts."

"I don't know, man. Maybe one will spook you while you sleep!" Nick said with a chuckle.

"Then I'd call it a dream," Zak said before turning his blue eyes on me. "You ready to go? We don't want to miss our flight. Mom's gonna make a late dinner for us."

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for you." _And praying Nick and Aaron aren't scaring the bejeezus out of my daughter with their ghost talk…_

"Alright. C'mon, Avaya, say goodbye to Nick and Aaron," Zak said.

It was a bittersweet goodbye. It was bitter because goodbyes always sucked, but it was sweet because we'd be seeing them again soon. I hadn't been out of Vegas since Avaya was born and I only drove up to Idaho, which really wasn't far away. As I watched Zak say goodbye to his friends, I couldn't help but smile. Several hours on a plane with that man beside me…I could dig it.

The plane ride to Michigan wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was long, yes, but there was minimal turbulence and Avaya only got whiny once. The flight attendant brought her a colouring book and crayons and that kept her silent and focused the rest of the ride there. I was extremely proud of her for behaving so well. Zak looked out his window most of the flight and in all honesty in made me really nervous. When Zak was silent and staring it either meant he was thinking really hard about something very serious or he was very angry. Usually I didn't like either of those options very much. Before we landed I nudged his elbow and he tore himself away from the passing clouds.

"What?" he asked.

"Are you okay?" I murmured. The memory of everything that had happened with Matt flooded my brain and fuelled my discomfort.

"I'm fine," he answered simply. "I'm just thinking."

"Oh. About what?"

"Things," he smirked. "My mom's gonna love you."

I blushed and stared at my lap. "How d'you know that?"

"Because I know my mom," he chuckled. "I know what she likes."

"You've tested some theories in your time, I'm guessing?"

"A good amount, yes."

"I won't lie, Zak, I'm really damn nervous," I picked at my shaky knuckles. His hand delicately squeezed my knee and I relaxed a bit at his contact. At least he wasn't angry.

"You shouldn't be," he consoled. "You have nothing to worry about, trust me. If my mom doesn't like you then she must really hate me. You're twice the person I am."

"Don't say that. She wouldn't hate you; you're her son."

"Exactly my point," he said. "You just have to relax, sweetie. Don't think about meeting anyone's expectations. Think about how much fun we're going to have when we get there. My mom cooks the greatest food out there. Plus, my cousin owns a ranch with horses. Avaya will go nuts when she sees them."

I smiled dreamily. The way he was describing his home was reminding me of my grandparent's farm in Idaho. I'd adored that place when I was a kid. I'd ride the horses and feed the calves and pick flowers and vegetables from grandma's garden out back. It had truly been my childhood paradise. My smile grew at the thought of Avaya enjoying those same things just as much as I had.

"That sounds wonderful," I whispered, leaning my head on Zak's shoulder.

"We'll have to go for a sunset horse ride, you and I," Zak said, nudging me a little.

I couldn't hold back my giggle. "A Vegas boy like you riding a horse? Oh, I have to see that."

He rolled his eyes but smiled. "You're gonna get so turned on, you won't even know what to do with yourself," he said.

"Oh, stop it," I hushed.

"You'll be clawing up the side of the horse just to get to me…begging me to take my shirt off and put a cowboy hat on…"

"Oh my god, you're so full of it!" I laughed, shoving him in his seat. "A cowboy hat isn't your style, anyway. Although, I suppose if it was black…hm…"

"See? You're getting hot for me already." He winked.

"I'm going to punch you right here in this airplane."

He shrugged. "Whatever, you're the one who can't control herself."

I was about to punch his arm as promised when Avaya interrupted us.

"Mommy, are we almost there?" she asked, leaning her cheek on her hand as her tiny elbow dug into her colouring book.

I smiled and looked at Zak, who checked his phone and nodded.

"Just about, sweetheart," I said. "Do you have to use the bathroom?"

"Yeah," she nodded and undid her seatbelt, slipping out of her seat.

I was just setting my book aside and getting up when she stabbed a finger at me and shook her head.

"No, mommy, I can do it myself," she said firmly before stomping off down the aisle.

I stared after her in shock for a moment until she disappeared behind a seat. Then I turned to look at Zak in disbelief.

"Did you just—did you hear what she said?" I asked.

He blinked, obviously confused. "Is she not supposed to be able to pee by herself yet?"

"No—I mean yes, she is, but…she didn't want me to go with her," I murmured, still in complete disbelief.

Finally Zak understood. _"Oh,"_ he sighed. "This is the first time she's wanted to go alone, right? That's one of those parent shocking things, isn't it?"

"Duh," I said. I started to tap my fingers on my lap and I stretched up to look over the seats of the people in front of me. "Maybe I should go wait by the door, just to make sure she gets in and out okay…"

Zak put a hand on my thigh, pushing me back down onto my rear. "No, you're going to stay right here. She can handle it, just wait and see."

I furrowed my brow. "How do you have more confidence than me?"

He only chuckled.

Eventually Avaya came back to her seat, pride radiating from her face. She began colouring in her book again like nothing had happened.

"Well?" I asked, sneakily inspecting her for any stray toilet paper or mysterious scrapes. "Did you wash your hands with a sanitary wipe? Do you want me to give you some hand sanitizer? Did you wipe when you were done?"

She looked at me like I was naked. "Mommy!"

"What?" I gasped. "That was brave of you, going alone in public for the first time like that."

"I _know_," she said matter-of-factly. "I'm not a baby anymore, mommy."

"Right…no, you're certainly not," I faced forwards again, momentarily stunned before a smile cracked my face. I turned to look at Zak. "She got that sassy independence crap from you."

He laughed. "How? She doesn't technically have my DNA in her anywhere."

I blushed. "I know, but…well, you've been around her so much. And you know how if you hang around someone long enough you start to pick up some of their traits; kind of start acting like them…"

"Trust me, I know how that works."

He was looking at me in a way that let me know I'd rubbed off on him. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, because I wasn't the greatest kind of person. I was still wounded and especially sheltered after everything that had happened recently and Zak was…well, he was Zak. He was bright and confident and funny and strong, everything I wasn't. But I couldn't help but smile back at him all the same. It didn't matter if we shared traits now or not, I was still hopelessly in love with him regardless. That's one thing that was going to stay constant for quite some time.


	20. Specks (Zak's POV)

Zak's POV

It was sunny in Michigan. Actually, it was damn hot. I'd never been so thankful that my cousin had a pool before.

Lily, Avaya and I had arrived at the airport around 7 pm and we went straight to our room at the bed & breakfast and passed out. Mom said she didn't mind; she understood from all the times she's come to visit me that it was an exhausting trip. So bright and early the next morning we got up and got ready and in our rented car I drove Avaya and Lily to my mom's house. I hadn't been home in awhile and it felt so incredibly good to be back.

The best part was seeing my mom's face light up when she saw us. Immediately she pulled me into her arms and hugged me. Hey, a guy was allowed to miss his mommy from time to time. She loved Avaya and Lily right off the bat, too. She hugged them and ushered them inside, wasting no time getting Avaya set up with a dollhouse she'd bought for her. Lily kept saying she really didn't have to do that, and all my mom said was that she thought Av would enjoy it. She'd always give me a wink when she answered though. She got it because she knew it'd be used more than once. I'd kind of slipped her the word that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with Lily. Maybe that was my first mistake, but Avaya loved the dollhouse so I'm calling it a great idea.

Lily helped my mom cook dinner for everyone and I caught up with my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, who'd come down for the occasion. I didn't really worry about how Lily was doing alone with my mom because I could hear her laughing every now and again. Honestly the only thing I worried about was the high possibility that my mom was sharing embarrassing stories of my childhood.

"You picked a good one, Zachary," Adrienne, my sister had whispered to me while Lily was in the kitchen with mom. "I like her. Finally you're out of the snobby blonde phase."

"Thanks," I rolled my eyes but I was honestly happy that my sister approved of her. I thought Adrienne might like Lily. Everyone liked Lily.

Anyway, dinner was amazing and the talking never ended. Lily had endless questions thrown at her and I couldn't help but watch her with pride as she took them all with the utmost kindness and respect. Avaya was extremely well-behaved, too. My sister thought she was the cutest thing. She could've played with my niece and nephew until the wee hours of the morning, no doubt.

"Zak, come and help me with the dishes, will you?" Mom asked after everyone was finished eating. "Your date is doing all the work."

I sighed but got up, leaving Lily in the hands of my sister. As soon as I entered the kitchen and snagged the tea towel off the oven handle, mom was talking.

"She's beautiful, Zak," she said. "Very polite, kind, and funny. I like her."

"Thanks, mom," I muttered. "I thought you might."

"You look really happy with her," She began scrubbing at the dishes in the soapy water. "I haven't seen you smile this much in years."

"Yeah, well…she's just that kind of girl."

"A special one," she agreed. "And Avaya…oh, that girl is precious! For a five year old she's incredibly polite and well-mannered."

"She had a great teacher when it came to that stuff. Honestly when I first found out that Lily had a daughter, well, you'd think I'd be more terrified than I was. But, mom, I didn't care. It didn't scare me at all. It actually kind of _excited_ me. When I'm with them it makes me feel at home. You're right, they make me happy."

"Oh, honey, I'm happy you're happy," she said. Her voice quivered a little and I chuckled.

"Don't you start crying now," I warned. "That's embarrassing for everyone."

She laughed and took a breath. "Have you showed Lily around yet?"

"No, I haven't got the chance really," I sighed. I had been wanting to show her where I grew up and take her to a few of my favourite places, but since we got in so late the night before and we were so busy with family stuff there'd been no time.

"Hm, well how about I make a proposal here," mom said thoughtfully. "How about you take her out tonight, show her around, show her the stars, and I can watch Avaya for you until you get back. It'll be fun and I really wouldn't mind. I love that kid already."

I bit my lip. "You'd really do that?"

"Of course, sweetie! I think this girl is the one you belong with. You should spend time with her as much as you can." My mom, always the romantic.

"Thanks, mom," I said, taking a moment to think. A plan formulated in my head fairly quickly. "Y'know, I think I have an idea about where to take Lily. But I'm going to need all the pillows and blankets in the linen closet and I'll have to borrow the truck."

Mom paused in her scrubbing and gave me a puzzled look. "Dare I ask why?"

"Just…because," I smirked. "After we're finished the dishes can you distract Lily for me? Maybe take her out back and show her your garden. I just have to get things set up; it won't take long. We can be back by 9 at the latest to pick Av up."

Mom chuckled. "I think I know where you're going with this. Take whatever you need. There's no rush, sweetie. She can sleep in the spare bedroom if she wants to."

"Aw, no, Lily would probably feel bad," I said. "Thanks, mom. I've missed you a lot."

"I've missed you too, Zak. I'm glad you're doing okay."

"Yeah, me too."

"Where are you taking me?"

I smirked and looked over at her in the passenger seat of my mom's truck. She had her legs crossed on the seat and was tapping her fingers on her knee. She looked so casual and so suspicious at the same time it made me chuckle.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" I said, looking back at the road.

"I don't like surprises," she said. "Why are we leaving town?"

"Oh, Lily, stop," I said. "I'm not taking you out here to kill you, y'know."

"The thought crossed my mind," she muttered. "You make me wonder, Zak Bagans."

"Good. I like to keep you on your toes." I took a curved road, leaving the pavement behind and trading it for a gravel road. The rocks roared and clunked beneath the tires.

"It's pitch black out…what could we possibly be doing in the darkness?"

I reached over and put a hand on her knee. "Relax, sweetie. Please."

She took a deep breath and was silent the rest of the drive. She'd been really iffy about leaving Avaya with my mom for the night. "I feel bad…I don't want to make her a designated babysitter," she'd said. It had made me laugh. As if my mom would give a shit anyway.

Thankfully Lily hadn't noticed the huge black garbage bag in the backseat, either. It was full of pillows and blankets that I'd stolen from the linen closet. So far everything was going to plan. I finally found the cliff and I parked at the edge, where the metal barrier was. I took a moment, looking out over my hometown all lit up at night, and I smiled. I'd missed it more than I thought.

"Wow," Lily whispered, leaning forwards in her seat to look out at the city.

"Yeah, you just keep looking straight, okay? Promise me you won't look in the rear view or anything, please." I made her look at me. I needed her word.

She nodded, completely confused. "Yeah, sure, okay."

"Promise me."

"I promise, okay?"

She looked sincere enough, so I got out of the driver's seat and grabbed the garbage bag. She was still looking straight ahead, so I continued on with my plan. I went behind the truck and pulled down the end gate, and then I dove into the bag of pillows and blankets, throwing them all into the bed of the truck. I made it as comfortable as possible and it took me about five minutes. I was worried Lily had peeked. I ran around to the passenger side and opened her door. She was looking down in her lap but her head snapped up to look at me.

"Close your eyes," I said.

"Oh, the intrigue!" she exclaimed. Her eyes fluttered shut.

I took her hand and lifted her out of the truck, leading her around to the back of the truck.

"Are they still closed?"

"Yes, Zak."

"Okay. Open 'em, then."

I watched her face when she opened her eyes. It was one of my favourite expressions I'd ever seen her wear. Her eyes got all wide and her mouth fell open and then her hands covered it. She looked so happy with a few blankets and pillows in the bed of a truck. That's what got me. She was happy about it because I did it for her, otherwise it was just a few blankets and pillows in a truck; nothing special. But it was special to her.

"Oh, Zak…" she murmured. "I never pegged you as such a romantic."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Miss Lady," I said. I held my hand out to help her up. "May I?"

I lifted her into the bed of the truck and followed suit, shutting the end gate behind me. Then I got under the top blanket with her and put my arm around her so she could nuzzle close. I pointed up to the night sky, bedazzled with a thousand twinkling stars and a bright full moon.

"This is why I brought you up here," I said. "You can't see this in Vegas. I used to come up here all the time by myself, to clear my head. I thought you might like it, too."

"I love it," she whispered. "It's beautiful. I can see the Milky Way."

"Mhm. Five bucks to the first person who can spot the big dipper _and_ the little dipper." I said.

"Oh, you're on! I was born for thi—"

"Found 'em!" I pointed them out and chuckled.

"Damn it," she sighed. "I guess I owe you five bucks now, huh?"

"Yeah, I'll take it in kisses if you don't mind."

She smiled and pressed her lips to mine five times and then kissed my cheek right after.

"An extra cent for luck," she clarified.

God, she was perfect. No woman ever did to me what she does. I can't even explain it. I don't think I even need to.

"It's weird to look at the stars sometimes," she whispered.

"Why's that, baby?"

"Because it reminds you how small you are. I mean we're just one tiny speck on a bigger speck in a whole universe of specks. There's so much that's bigger than us out there. It makes you wonder."

"Mm. Crazy then, how just one tiny speck on a bigger speck in a whole universe of specks can mean so much to another speck."

She smiled at me and a soft blush coloured her cheeks. Her hand reached out to lightly trace a bruise I still had under my collarbone. I could see the distraction come over her, like a storm cloud rolling in. The memory of Matt's attack poisoned her. I quickly took her hand and pressed my lips to it.

"Hey," I whispered. "He's gone forever. It's just you and me and the stars right now."

"I know," She nodded. "I love you, Zak."

"I love you too, Miss Lady."

Kissing under the stars sounds cheesy. So does making love under the stars. But we did it anyway. Call us cheesy, go right ahead. I'd be anything as long as she was with me.


	21. Ghosts (Zak's POV)

"Should we go gather Av and head back to our room?" I asked after it was all said and done, in between kisses down her shoulder.

"Mm…yes, I feel so bad for leaving her with your mom like that," she said.

"I could probably call my mom. I bet she'd take Avaya for the rest of the night if we wanted her to." I suggested. I knew my mom would do it in a heartbeat and any chance I got to be totally alone with Lily for more than a couple hours I'd take it.

"No, I couldn't do that," Lily said.

I sighed against her skin but I knew her big heart would kibosh my evil plans. So I gave in and we got dressed and put all the pillows and blankets back in the garbage bag and took off. Lily leaned against my side on the way home with my arm securely around her. Every now and again I'd look down at her to see her pretty eyes closing or fluttering back open. I don't know why but it made me smile. She reminded me of Av when she fought sleep like that.

We grabbed a very sleepy Avaya from my mom's house before heading back to the Bed & Breakfast. I gave my mom the secretive thumbs-up behind Lily's back before leaving. I'd missed my mom a lot. Family was really important and being with Lily and Avaya reminded me of that. I had a new appreciation for a lot of things since meeting them. The more I thought about it the more it startled me. For instance, back in the truck when Lily had said no to leaving Avaya with my mom. Old me would've never given up begging for her to comply with me. But now I understood that it was past Av's bedtime and it just made sense to go and get her. I was a changed man and it was kind of mind-boggling to think about.

By the time we arrived at the B&B, Avaya was passed out in her car seat. I winced looking at the way she was sleeping; her neck was bent at a freakish angle and it just looked entirely uncomfortable, but she was completely out. I went around back and grabbed her, carefully holding her to my chest and she just hung there like a limp noodle, gently snoring in my ear.

"Now isn't that precious?" Lily cooed softly as I headed up the steps to the B&B. She took out her phone and snapped a picture quickly.

"Dork," I whispered. She only chuckled.

When we got in our room Lily went to the bathroom and I carried Avaya to her bed right beside ours. The room was basically just like a two-bed hotel room; two double beds, two nightstands, a desk, a lamp, a large window, and paintings on the walls. It was a little homier than a hotel room, but it was pretty much the same.

I pulled back the covers on Av's bed and set her on her pillow, slipping the covers up to her shoulders. She snuggled in gently and continued her slumber. I couldn't help but smile at her. One of my hands reached out and gently pushed some hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. I leaned down and kissed her forehead before turning around and heading for the bathroom. It startled me a little bit to see Lily leaning against the doorframe for the bedroom in her satin slip, with this delicate little smile on her face.

"What?" I asked, slipping past her and grabbing my shaving kit from the countertop.

"Nothing," she muttered. "You're just turning out to be a real father figure for her."

I smiled. "Well…y'know…"

"I love you." She reached up and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, too."

"Thanks for taking me out here, it really was a good idea. I didn't know how much I needed to get out of Vegas until I was gone. I feel like I can finally breathe again." She sighed.

"I'm glad you agreed to it," I nodded. "I didn't realize how much I missed my family. They really like you and Av so that's a good sign. They haven't liked one of my girlfriends yet."

She giggled. "Well, don't I feel special."

"You are special."

"You sweet talker," She blushed.

"Just saying what everyone already knows," I clarified.

I lifted my shirt over my head and started taking things out of my shaving kit. I could find my toothbrush but I couldn't find my toothpaste. I ended up completely emptying my kit only to come up empty. It was funny, because I know I bought a brand new travel tube just for this trip and I'd put it in my kit before packing it in my suitcase. I looked up, meeting Lily's gaze in the mirror as she was taking off her makeup. I gave her a puzzled look.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Did you take my toothpaste?" I asked.

"No, I have my own," she answered. "I thought you bought a new tube."

"I-I did…" I said, once again sorting through the contents of my kit, now splayed out on the countertop. "Or at least I thought I did…"

"Maybe it's in your suitcase somewhere," she suggested.

I groaned, fed up with such a tiny inconvenience. I left the bedroom to try and search my suitcase as quietly as possible without waking up Avaya. I lifted my suitcase onto my bed and tore everything out of it, searching every single pocket and crevice where a tube of toothpaste could possibly hide, and came up empty. So I was left to put everything back inside, growing more agitated by the second. I suppose I could've just used Lily's toothpaste, but I wanted to know where mine had disappeared to exactly. I _know_ I'd packed it; a tube of toothpaste doesn't just get up and walk away.

I looked to the right to check the time on the antique alarm clock on the nightstand and boom—there it was. My toothpaste was sitting there on a 45 degree angle from the clock, like it was meant to be there. It stumped me. I hadn't put it there. I know Lily and Avaya hadn't touched it because we hadn't even been in the room since 10 AM and they'd used their own toothpaste. I just stood there and stared at it for awhile, trying to retrace my steps from that morning. I distinctly remember putting it back in my shaving kit after using it and setting my shaving kit right where I'd found it on the countertop in the bathroom. I never once took it with me into the main part of the room and I definitely didn't set it on the nightstand.

Hesitantly, I reached out to grab it. I felt like if I touched it something bad would happen because I had no idea how it got there. I felt like maybe I'd dreamt this whole thing and the day hadn't actually started yet just because of that one mysterious incident. It seemed like a dream; like a perfect dream, and that was the only mistake; the only falsity that made it entirely unrealistic. It made me deeply uncomfortable.

No sooner had I touched the toothpaste did a small voice speak from behind me, causing me to jump and spin around. Avaya was sitting up straight in bed and pointing towards the far wall, right behind me.

"Daddy Zak," she said softly, "who's that lady?"

Goose bumps prickled my skin. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach with anxiety. I turned around very, very slowly, hoping to god it was either just Lily playing a prank on me or this whole scenario was just a really messed up dream. The more it progressed, the more it felt like the latter.

As I turned to face the wall, my eyes connected with a pair that was frighteningly unfamiliar. They were dull grey and the pupils were a lot larger than they should've been. They belonged to an aged woman in an 1800's era dress with her stringy white hair tossed up in a messy bun. Wrinkles creased her face and she looked sickly thin behind the tightened corset of her dark blue dress. One arm lifted from her side and a long, bony finger pointed straight at my chest. Her mouth didn't move from the straight line it was in and her eyes didn't break from mine. But then something happened that made my blood run cold. It made me remember Nick's warning about the Bed & Breakfast being haunted. In all honesty, it made me want to throw up.

The woman began to fade away very slowly from the feet up, and as she did so, a dark red—almost black—stain began to flower out from the centre of her chest until her entire torso was drenched with it. By the time she was almost completely gone, I heard a loud gunshot that seemed to come from inside my head and caused my heart to pick up speed and my breathing rate spiked. And then she was gone, like she'd never been there in the first place.

I stood stock still as a cold sweat broke out all over my body. I wanted to yell but my mouth felt cemented shut. I couldn't move. I felt petrified. My brain was shutting down; unable to make sense of what it'd just witnessed. I'd just come face-to-face with a ghost. That was all I could think. It was a ghost. They're real. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like I was going to pass out. My mouth began to move but no sound came out until the reality of the situation smacked me in the chest like it was kick-starting my heart again.

I'd just seen a ghost; a full-bodied apparition in my room. Her image was burnt into my brain. She'd been _there_; right in front of me! She'd _pointed_ at me! Ghosts are _real_…

"Holy fu-…"


End file.
